Skyrim's 10 biggest idiots

Skyrim is a heavily populated place. There are dragons everywhere. You'll run into stacks of wolves, mammoths, trolls and giants wheresoever you might roam. There are more traditionally-sized humanoids all over the place too. But you know which particular group has the densest population? Total bloody idiots. You can't walk more than few hundred metres without tripping over some fool so stupid that if he entered a Biggest Idiot In The World Contest, he'd turn up at the wrong venue and come last through lack of actual participation.

Yeah, you could put it all down to ropey old AI glitches, but I prefer to believe that Skyrim is a land full of simpletons that I need to save from itself, before all the citizens get themselves flambéed trying to "tickle the tummy of the big scaley wing-dog", or some such stupidity. Look at them. They still live in wooden houses. They haven't even got guns, or cars, or washing machines. Idiots. Anyway, here is a big collection of video evidence of their idiocy. Watch it. It's fun.

Level up your sneak rating by simply standing still. Let a wandering idiot do all the work for you: 

Other game's AI has a cone of vision. Skyrim's has a Smarties tube: 

This man is an idiot, but he has a serious merchant's instinct. Nothing will put him off making a sale: 

Similarly, nothing gets in the way of industry. Not even the remnant's of yesterday's unfortunate accident at the mill. Poor Geoff. He'll be missed. But not much: 

Someone is clearly not in the mood for talking. Well he is, but only briefly: 

And it gets even stupider on the next page. Get ready for a couple of guys who can't see through water, and a body guard doing the exact opposite of his job.


  • APBVoerman - November 22, 2011 6:41 a.m.

    Haha, I woke up this morning, doing my usual routine - only to log onto YouTube and see that my video (first video in the list) had five thousand more views. Thanks David and thanks people. My channel is really small, usually averaging under a thousand views - only to see it nearly skyrocket ten times the usual amount on that one video makes the whole YouTube stuff more fun to do. Again, thank you for the featuring. :)
  • mockraven - November 21, 2011 3:55 p.m.

    There's also the part where Barbas the dog who follows you during a quest will walk into you for several steps. He's strong enough to push you (and your horse). I fell to my death when I stopped at a cliff's edge to see if there was a path down and Barbas pushed me right off. He'll also push you into battles (playing a thief type of character currently so that's bad) and push you as you try to loot stuff so that you end up looting a clothes press instead of, say, a dwarven sword.
  • ZhugeLiang - November 21, 2011 2:32 p.m.

    The sawblade one reminded me of Fargo... but the one that made me laugh the hardest, i.e. spit-chocolate-milk-out-of-me-mouth laughing, was the guy on the mountain who blows the hero of off it. "WhoBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM"
  • PBC13 - November 21, 2011 11:57 a.m.

    I wish I understood Bethesda games. I have tried Oblivion, Fallout 3 and Fallout NV and each time just been driven completely insane by them. The idiotic AI, the combat that feels like you're not doing anything and the animation that looks like it would have been laughed at in the PS1 era. I can't understand how a game with such basic flaws can be given so many perfect scores. It's probably more a comment on me as a 'stupid, modern gamer' but as much as I want to give Skyrim a go I know it'll drive me mad. Shame, because everyone keeps talking about it which is really tempting me to try it.
  • CapEmCrunch - November 21, 2011 6:05 p.m.

    Bethesda games certainly have their fair share of head-slappingly silly moments in them, but the real joy comes from the exploration and adventuring aspects. The people that really enjoy them are able to overlook the shortcomings. If you didn't enjoy Oblivion, Fallout 3, or New Vegas, then i would recommend you not waste your time with Skyrim. It is a truly fantastic game, but one that doesn't seem to fit your preferences.
  • PBC13 - November 22, 2011 8:22 a.m.

    It's weird because I do love exploring and all of the fundamental things that Bethesda games are about. But somehow the mechanics of them just don't work for me. I always end up confounded by something that happens to me in them. It's a shame because I really wish I could enjoy them as much as everyone else!
  • Y2Ken - November 21, 2011 11:43 a.m.

    That's pretty great. Although the one where he's sneaking in front of a guard - if sneak's high enough then you're supposed to pretty much be able to hide in plain sight.
  • HeavyTank - November 21, 2011 10:53 a.m.

    75 hours of play (on a PC game version with only one basic update installed) and I came across very few glitches, most of which were so insignificant that they can barely be qualified as such. I don't know about the consoles, but the PC version is fine for a release, plus they're working on the patches already. Also, @MetroidPrimeRib: Unless it's Fallout 3 we're talking about, it's not the same glitches.Most of the Bethesda glitches are just funny and make the world a sillier place. With that being said, the AI and the context-sensitive lines of dialogue are sometimes very durpy and unrealistic, but you gotta expect that when you have a trillion NPC's with so many possible situations they can be found in.
  • NanoElite666 - November 21, 2011 9:39 a.m.

    "Keep an eye out for trouble. I would myself, but you see someone has recently lodged an arrow in the eye that I would normally use to look out for trouble." Also, flying down the mountain and the arrow in the person's neck are fantastic.
  • XanderGC - November 21, 2011 9:26 a.m.

    It's articles like this why I love GamesRadar lol. That last one was perfect. :D
  • GhostbustTyler - November 21, 2011 9:07 a.m.

    Oh god, I've had so many moments like these. The best is the last one just because of the pun.
  • closer2192 - November 21, 2011 9 a.m.

    How about Bethesda, for slipping out a broken product on PS3?
  • MidianGTX - November 21, 2011 9:25 a.m.

    Tell that to all the people with countless hours of flawless gameplay. I'm not saying there aren't bugs, but calling it a "broken product" is just forum kiddie whine of the worst kind.
  • TheCakeIsaPie - November 21, 2011 9:53 a.m.

    Right, because it's not like an unplayable game can be called "broken" or anything.
  • HardPencil - November 21, 2011 10:47 a.m.

    the only people calling skyrim broken are the people who haven't played and just read about occasional glitches...none of which I've experienced in my 20 hours of play so far.
  • CrashmanX - November 21, 2011 10:54 a.m.

    Can't confirm, but I've heard stories saying that at 25-25 hours the PS3 version starts to experience serious FPS issues. Like game breakingly bad, yes I've seen videos. However again, I can't confirm this myself.
  • TheHolyHandGrenade - November 21, 2011 3:49 p.m.

    I'm at around 20ish, nothing too bad, just a few drops here and there after loading. They are all outside of combat though, so no worries. I hope it doesn't pick up before the patch next week. Also it the situation may look worse than it is because all the people experiencing the problems report it, while all the people not effected are too busy playing Skyrim.

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