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Shit characters who almost ruined their great games

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Sometimes really great and really shit things go together like an unhappy married couple who've stuck it out for 40 years. Lollipops and tooth-terrorising drills at the dentist, six pints of lager and a ruinous hangover and, occasionally, rubbish characters and great games. And it's testament to the following titles' awesomeness that they somehow stayed afloat in spite of their hateful captains.


Raiden

The great game he almost ruined: Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty

C’mon, like we were going to start anywhere else. The man who forever sullied Metal Gear with his pasty bare ass and half hour talks with his missus has a lot to answer for. We can see what Kojima was trying to do. Clearly, our hateful mop-headed mook was supposed to be the Luke Skywalker to Snake’s Han Solo. Trouble is, Luke never took time out from saving the galaxy to talk to his sweetheart about their anniversary (probably because the only chick in the whole universe was his sister). Thankfully, you can at least subject the hateful hero to a face full of baddie piss half way through the game.


Daxter

The great game he almost ruined: Daxter

Ah, the completely unlovable ottsel. Where would any good hate feature be without this furry faced ball of bile on legs? Not only is he a horribly misjudged source of ‘comedy’, he never shuts up. He’ll make stupid quips when he’s outrunning a massive boulder or find time to make an obnoxious one-liner while battling a giant bug. Even the entire game is just one big insecure tall tale he tells his friends down the pub to look like the big ‘weird, mutated breed of two rodents’. The really amazing thing, though? Despite the fact he’s such a consistently cringe-worthy character, his game’s still good. Like really good. Honestly, we’ll never know how developers Ready at Dawn pulled it off.


Above: Too much to ask?


Nero

The great game he almost ruined: Devil May Cry 4

He’s just like Dante… only rubbish. Admittedly, he’s arguably the more interesting character when it comes to laying a serious smackdown on some demon ass. Give him more than two lines of dialogue in any one scene, though, and he automatically transforms into a dick of the highest emo order. Equal parts insecure whininess and incredible cockiness; he’s every bit the shitty schizophrenic. If Capcom had just replaced him with, say, some sort of witty robot butler (who also had a giant hand that could crush the forces of evil), we wouldn’t need that Nero dartboard at work… and that guy in accounts might still have the use of his right eye.


Johnny Klebitz and co.

The great game they almost ruined: GTA IV: The Lost and Damned

Shitting hell, they’re a miserable bunch, ain’t they? We know it’s intentional, but did every single one of them have to be so relentlessly grim-faced. If it’s not horribly moody bikers with faces longer than a clinically depressed basset hound, then it’s totally unsympathetic junkies hogging way too much screen time. Alright, so GTA IV was full of moody, murdering sociopaths, too. But at least they were moody, murdering sociopaths that knew how to have a bit of a laugh. In Niko’s adventure we had Brucie, Roman and Packie to provide a bit of humour between all the drive-bys. In Johnny's game the most light-hearted and memorable character is an ageing politician’s flaccid love sausage.

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55 comments

  • litrock - March 25, 2010 3:18 p.m.

    I still think that Raiden is the best part of MGS2. Love that Kojima took everyone's expectation of a macho action fest and turned it right on its ear. One of the best story twists ever.
  • whiteknight1981 - March 25, 2010 3:32 p.m.

    Ohhh week of hate how we love the radarites stream of nerdtastic rage about things that are complete wastes of time to hate about (more hate!) And yes I agree about the emo Prince. He wasn't even good emo, if there is such a thing. I couldn't even play the game. I played the demo and when he yelled the line "Bi***!" I just turned it off in disgust. What a waste.
  • GLCoolJ - March 25, 2010 3:32 p.m.

    Oh man, I can't even tell you how much I hate Raiden and Tidus. I thought Daxter was funny, though, so I guess there's no accounting for taste.
  • MetalGearFlaccid - March 25, 2010 3:36 p.m.

    Wow... I almost responded with an angry rebuttal, which I'm guessing you want. Nice trolling, G'Dar. This is trolling of almost /b/tard level power. This week of hate gets everybody mad; but I assume that's the point...
  • goochbiscuit - March 25, 2010 3:40 p.m.

    Damn, Rico was a huge douche.
  • Wriggly - March 25, 2010 3:47 p.m.

    I liked the more serious tone of characters in GTAIV's TLaD, except for the crotch shot.
  • Tygerclaws - March 25, 2010 4:49 p.m.

    Hmm. You know, I can see why everyone would hate Raiden, Nero, and Tidus. They're for fanboy reasons, but they're reasons, nonetheless. People hate Raiden because he's not Snake. People hate Nero because he's not Dante. People hate Tidus because he's not Cloud. All of whom, as far as I'm concerned, are more interesting characters than the fanboys think they are. Raiden actually has a personality, whereas Snake is a walking punchline/one-liner. Nero isn't a badass, so that automatically makes him worse than Dante, nevermind the fact that Dante controls like a spasmodic rabbit on speed. And Tidus...well...I'll chalk him up to a case of "What, you don't like that he has a personality? Would you rather he be a lying jerk like Cloud, or an unlikable git like Squall?" Ah well. What will be, will be. To each his own.
  • Conman93 - March 25, 2010 4:58 p.m.

    I thought Daxter. Am I the only one who found Pandora in GOW3 very annoying
  • Conman93 - March 25, 2010 4:59 p.m.

    Sorry, meant to say 'thought daxter was cool'. How did I mess that up
  • Unoriginal - March 25, 2010 5:11 p.m.

    I also thought daxter. Bayonetta also annoyed me but the game was just good enough for her not to ruin it
  • CatrParrot - March 25, 2010 5:11 p.m.

    I'm glad that I'm not the only one who thinks Tidus is irritating as shit. Maybe not as bad as Squall, but still.
  • lovinmyps3 - March 25, 2010 5:15 p.m.

    I didn't actually mind Sev, at least not compared to that douchebag Rico. I'm still pissed at him for what he did at the end of the game.
  • Ridgley - March 25, 2010 5:23 p.m.

    @Tyger - People hate Raiden because he complains all the god damn time.
  • JackSkellingtonsSkin - March 25, 2010 5:30 p.m.

    What's wrong with Daxter? How is he unlovable?
  • Zeipher - March 25, 2010 6:05 p.m.

    The Raiden section made me laugh a lot, but you have to admit that Raiden accomplishes the most badass feat (arguably) of the whole series by single-handedly defeating 20 Reys. I actually really preferred Tidus to a character like Cloud. Its kind of strange that you hate upon the similarity of JRPGs in several articles, and then hate the first FF main character to break from the stereotypes that you criticized (Zidane excluded).
  • yamato6945 - March 25, 2010 6:13 p.m.

    Glad to see other people who hate tidus but i still think squalls worse
  • radicallyrad - March 25, 2010 7:08 p.m.

    The time wasted on creating Nero, Kyrie and their lame romance plot could have been better spent on creating better new weapons for Dante and improving his moveset.
  • StrayGator - March 25, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    One word: Alyx.
  • StrawHatLuffy - March 25, 2010 7:38 p.m.

    You can't tell me Daxter was annoying Jak II he was comedy gold.He created my favourite moment ever "So there I was, toe to toe with FIVE of the nastiest Metal Heads you ever saw! Slime oozing from monstrous jaws! Teeth sharper than daggers! Slowly, all TEN of 'em surround me. But do I surrender? No! I summon my highly trained killer instincts, and pounce! Hya! Chooy! Whaa! HAA! And when the dust cleared, there were TWENTY less Metal Heads in the world!"
  • StrawHatLuffy - March 25, 2010 7:39 p.m.

    I mean Daxter in the PS2 iterations, I was never really a fan of the PSP

Showing 1-20 of 55 comments

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