PC Gamer launches new invasion

Today, PC Gamer has begun terrorizing the magazine racks with a scandalous expose of the mysterious Windows Vista. This hard-hitting piece of hardcore investigative journalism whispers Illimunati-caliber transnational secrets, leaked from the shadowy underground kings of computerized gaming society.

You’ll finally see if you should wait to buy DirectX 10 hardware; or if “Games for Windows” is just another meaningless slogan; or if you might one day be yelling through your headset at an Xbox Live gamer after a heated online skirmish. You’ll probably just callously kill them all anyways – their frail little thumbs will never match the speed of your honed mouse-and-keyboard reflexes - but the best part will be taunting them about how you had rough sex with their mother last night. Mmmmm, online shit-talking is so tasteful.

Actually, sex with mothers is a topic for deep, analytical discussion in the Desperate Housewives review. And this month’s included disc will slice through your face, burst out the back of your head, and then boomerang back down to cut your spine in half. There’s a demo of Dark Crusade, the Dawn of War expansion pack, an Eragon demo, and six promiscuous mini-games that’ll let seriously anyone play them. Ride that pony!