This is the greatest article youll ever read
If you see your true love every time you look in the mirror, whats the point of searching for a Valentine? Narcissism is the psychological trait of being enamored with ones own self, whether youre absorbed by your own physique, intellect, or masterful writing ability. While this personality type can be extremely irritating and self-destructive in real life, its often the basis for some of the most memorable characters in the realm of gaming. How can you not love a deluded egomaniac who believes theyre the greatest thing since sliced bread?
Well leave it up to you whether the following braggarts are worthy of the praise they lavish upon themselves. But theres no denying that their grandiloquent demeanor stands out in a sea of unpretentious video game protagonists. You could say theyre bombastic, fustian, turgid, and aureate. Boy, we sure are smart.
Narcis Prince - Super Punch-Out!!
Whats this guys deal? With a punny name like that, how could you not fall in love with yourself? This British dandy is like a slimmed-down King Hippo: Narcis is all but invulnerable until you land a blow to his pretty boy face. Despite his vanity, Narcis is a reasonably skilled boxer, and his placement in the Special Circuit is far more justifiable than that stick-wielding cheater Hoy Quarlow. Should you manage to get past his formidable defenses and pop a punch to his blonde-haired dome, Narcis will get reckless, franticly jabbing at you like a cornered animal.
Trademark vanity: Narcis cherishes his dainty visage--which makes his career choice seem incredibly misguided. If your appearance is your most prized possession, its probably not a good idea to take up a sport that revolves around battered heads, facial fractures, and bright purple bruises.
I will not let you touch my beautiful, beautiful face.
You've punched me face. Come 'ere, now!!
Zelos Wilder - Tales of Symphonia
Whats this guys deal? We really feel for Zelos, whose cocky, self-assured attitude is a cover for an emotionally traumatized youth. But regardless of how he feels deep down, and despite the fact that Zelos himself looks somewhat like a lady, he rarely misses the chance to flirt with any female in his general vicinity. Even if he strikes out with most every girl in the players party, Zelos never lets his confident charm falter.
Trademark vanity: Titles are a staple of the Tales franchise, and Zelos has some of the best ones at his disposal. Though he starts out as a mere "Magic Swordsman," he can upgrade to such descriptive titles as Gigolo, Pickup Artist, and Casanova. The best one? Straight-up Narcissist.
(after learning a new spell) Damn! I must be a genius!
No offense, but I'm not interesting in talking to guys.
Javik - Mass Effect 3
Whats this guys deal? An alien out of time, Javik is the last living Prothean after 50,000 years in stasis. This four-eyed warrior is definitely a product of the Prothean empire, which was an egotistical civilization believing itself superior to all others. Back in their day, the Protheans had no problem telling other races to join them in forced servitude or die. They mightve been the most technologically advanced species of their time, but the Protheans (Javik included) were an empathetically bankrupt bunch.
Trademark vanity: Javik is, in essence, a total racist, and he views his species as superior to all others. He might have a point; without the hereditary meddling of the Protheans, the Reapers would've had their way with the universe. Still, Javik doesnt have to be a pompous jerk about it.
(to Liara) Amusing. Asari have finally mastered writing.
Mating between species? A pointless exercise.
Dr. Doom - Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3
Whats this guys deal? Viktor Von Doom, one of comicdoms biggest megalomaniacs, didnt miss a beat when he transitioned to the digital arena. The magic-wielding Latverian dictator is conceited to the point of comedy, though he balances it out by being a brilliant strategist and inventor. The only thing Doom isnt arrogant about is his appearance, as his armor is rumored to conceal his hideously scarred body.
Trademark vanity: Whenever his feet get sore from all that foot-diving, Doom takes five on a high-tech throne, which he can summon out of the ground via literal wizardry. When Doom takes a seat during his level 3 Hyper Combo, hes basically maxin and relaxin while youre electrocuted for his entertainment.
You are beneath me, and it shows.
(after winning) The applause shall continue for another hour. The first to stop clapping will be executed.
Vyers - Disgaea
Whats this guys deal? Vyers would like to be known as The Dark Adonis, but you can just call him Mid-Boss. This self-proclaimed aristocrat is a recurring character in constant chase of the spotlight, even if he has to play second fiddle to protagonist demon Laharl (who Vyers may or may not be related to). Before hes identified by his condescending nickname Mid-Boss, the player simply knows him as Sassy Demon.
Trademark vanity: Even though his use of moi and voila seems to be the extent of his bilingual abilities, Vyers makes a great effort to infuse his every sentence with a haughty French accent. The result is some of the most flamboyant dialogue youll ever hear out of a denizen of the underworld.
(inner monologue) Oh...why am I so awesome?
I am simply too strong! I am simply too beautiful!
Johnny Cage - Mortal Kombat
Whats this guys deal? Hollywood can do strange things to ones ego--but rare is the celebrity whos so self-absorbed that they get a huge tattoo of their own name across their pecs. Johnny Cage is a movie star (Ninja Mime, Citizen Cage) turned Earthrealm champion, though he never quite gets over his own wisecracking self. Thats evidenced by the fact that his definition of Friendship is doling out signed headshots.
Trademark vanity: Even when hes bloodied, bruised, and broken, Cage has one priority: his sweet shades. Thats why he carries a spare pair of sunglasses in his back pocket on every occasion. In retaliation for breaking his prized eyewear, Johnny is liable to punch you in the groin with such force, youll think your testicles are bumping up against your lungs.
Fans think my moves are all wirework and special effects. Truth is...I am the special effect!
You got Caged!
Adder - Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising
Whats this guys deal? This gaunt-looking Commanding Officer dresses like a goth teenager, but has the mind of a devious tactician. A member of the oppressive Black Hole nation, the serpentine Adder was ordered to overtake the Yellow Comet, but was ultimately foiled by the player. He also has one of the shortest CO meters in the game, which means that facing his army can be frustrating to no end--its like having speed hacks in a tactics game.
Trademark vanity: Apparently, this freaky looking CO is entranced by his own reflection. Maybe we could understand taking pride in a purple head of hair, but Adders emaciated figure, bony cheeks, and sunken eyes all look pretty horrifying to us. Also, we imagine that his creepy laugh definitely doesnt get him any action.
Heh heh heh...kneel before Adder!
A battle with me is a greater honor than you deserve!
Vincent De Boule - Suikoden
Whats this guys deal? This dashing (and possibly fraudulent) nobleman gets points for how subtle his narcissistic tendencies are. He wont shove his greatness in your face, or long-windedly profess his magnificent abilities--Vincent just assumes you understand how superior he is. As the Suppressing Star (read: one of 108 potential recruits), youd do well to recruit him if your army is lacking in attractive aristocrats.
Trademark vanity: Vincent seems to always have a red rose at the ready, though its not clear if this is a way to woo the ladies or just his pretty boy prop.
I, Vincent de Boule, of pure aristocratic extraction, will owe you money. You should be happy.
A man of my birth would never sneak in like a common burglar.
Riddler - Batman: Arkham City
Whats this guys deal? One of Batmans most timeless enemies has come a long way since the days of green question-mark-covered spandex. In Batman: Arkham City, Edward Nigma has taken quite the dark turn, taking hostages and making them the stakes in puzzles-turned-deathtraps (a la Saw). To the Riddler, clues to his crimes are an obsessive compulsion, and he wants nothing more in the world than to outsmart the world's greatest detective.
Trademark vanity: The Riddler prizes intellect above all else, and his exceptional cognitive abilities are the source of his egotism. Hes even smart enough to deduce his way over the fourth wall, accusing Batman (and the player) of looking up the solutions to his cunning riddles online. As if anyone wouldoh. Right.
I must confess, even my overly optimistic prediction expected you to last a little longer than this."
Explore! Find my challenges! And when you fail to solve them and lie blubbering like an ignorant child on the floor, you will know that the Riddler is better than you!
Fawful - Mario & Luigi
Whats this guys deal? Oftentimes, big egos come in small packages. Fawful may be diminutive in stature and has a very loose grasp on proper grammar, but his ostentatious attitude more than makes up for it. Though this Beanish villains smile suggests a manic happiness, Fawful is very vocal about his chief motivator: fury. When hes not terrorizing the Mario brothers, he enjoys erecting statues of himself and selling merchandise bearing his own likeness.
Trademark vanity: Fawfuls Vacuum Helmet puts Inspector Gadgets tricked-out hat to shame. Besides using it as a means of jetpack transportation, Fawful can also roast those pesky plumbers with fireballs, or use his helmet as a Ghostbusters-esque vacuum trap for spirits.
Your lives that I spit on are now but a caricature of a cartoon drawn by a kid who is stupid!
You inhaled like a hungry syrup pig at the free pancake buffet.
Benimaru Nikaido - King of Fighters
Whats this guys deal? Benimaru is a rare instance of the affable narcissist. Though hes perfectly friendly and loyal to his teammates, his metrosexual fashion sense betrays his compulsion with maintaining a glitzy appearance. As in, only a narcissist would have the audacity to show up to a street fight wearing extremely tight pants and a midriff-exposing tube top (in either black or leopard-print, of course).
Trademark vanity: Punch him anywhere you want, just dont touch the hair. With a coif that puts Guiles physics-defying mane to shame, Benimaru would fit right in as a half-Japanese addition to Kid n Play. His secret isnt gallons of mousse--Benimarus electrokinetic abilities produce static that keeps his hair on end.
Man, am I brilliant or what? I'm a friggin' diamond!
I'm not conceited at all! I only speak what everyone else feels!!
Horatio - Endless Space
Whats their deal? Youve got to be pretty solipsistic--not to mention filthy freakin rich--to endeavor into space for your own amusement. The Horatio race is named after their creator and ancestor, a peculiar trillionaire who tired of his riches and ventured into space on his own. He landed on a planet which housed ancient alien cloning facilities, and promptly used the technology to make a legions of beings in his own image. Now theres an entire race of clones copied from one vainglorious man, all set on beautifying the rest of the known universe.
Trademark vanity: Uniformity is the Horatio way of life. Even though there are male and female Horatio, they are all completely identical, save for facial tattoos. Because really--how else could you tell people apart when their names and appearances are identical?
Horatio wished to fill [the stars] with subjects as beautiful as the most beautiful thing in the universe. Himself. Horatio. Now his goal is to make the entire galaxy beautiful as well. And he doesnt really care if the galaxy agrees.
Duke Tanas Oliver - Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance
Whats this guys deal? Listen, buddy: If youre going to declare yourself the protector of true beauty, at least have the decency to maintain your body. Oliver is a pudgy villain whose loyalty lies with all things aesthetic, and he seems blissfully unaware that he himself is an overweight, balding, creepy old man. We would say his narcissism was harmless, but the fact remains that Olivers a former slave trader, soyeah. Screw this guyl.
Trademark vanity: To feed his obsession with elegant splendor, Oliver became an art collector. In fact, hes convinced that fine art should only be owned and appreciated by him. If only Oliver were a mirror collector, he mightve realized that he was nearing levels of unattractiveness reserved for obese pedophiles.
Objects of beauty must be admired! Only by my side can they fulfill the purpose for which they are created!
True beauty is immortal. Look at me. Right now, I am flawless.
Vega - Street Fighter II
Whats this guys deal? Ladies and gentlemen, meet the poster boy for narcissism. Though he goes by many different names--Vega, Claw, Balrog--hes unmistakable for his elegant ponytail, expressionless mask, snake tattoo, and vicious three-pronged claw. Believing himself to be the peak of fine form and beauty, Vega helps ugly, inferior individuals the only way he knows how: by spilling their blood. Whether you do or dont swing that way, theres no denying that this Spanish assassin is one of the most handsome killers around.
Trademark vanity: His signature metal mask, which acts as a barrier between Vegas beauty and the incoming attacks that threaten to bruise its unblemished veneer. You know hes feeling real cocky when he mockingly tosses his mask off during the middle of a fist fight. Clearly, you arent a threat to his exquisite visage.
Only I understand the pain of being too strong and beautiful!
Your hideousness is beyond saving. The best thing you can do for this world is to die.
What hope do you have against our bountiful knowledge?
So, we already know everything there is to know--but maybe you think you know more? Let us know which of your favorite narcissistic characters we missed, and maybe we'll consider adding them. If we feel like it.
And if you're looking for more demented features, check out gaming's most magnificently murderous medical practitioners and gaming's masked maniacs revealed: What are they trying to hide?