Google+

How to be a d*ck in co-op

Being a team player in co-op blows. Reviving fallen partners, sharing your ammo with them, watching their back like a creepy online stalker. Balls to that, we say. That's why we're unofficially starting a official campaign to teach and celebrate the ways of acting like a douche in co-op. Follow these steps wise readers, and soon you too can be ruining everyone's fun and being that guy. Dicks of co-op: we salute your despicable, titanic testes.


Do a Leeroy Jenkins

May almighty Jebus look down upon and protect Mr. and Mrs. Leeroy Jenkins senior, for they are responsible for spawning the greatest gamer in the history of humanity. Screw complex tactical strategies and careful plotting while playing co-op. If you want to cement your status as the biggest bellend this side of the 'dude-who-gets-all-his-WoW-chums-murdered-for-some-fried-chicken', then going loud without informing your team-mates is the only way to go.


Don't revive fallen comrades

Pah, who gives an albino orangutan's tit about them? They shouldn't have been inconsiderate enough to get shot in the first place. Every champion of co-op dickery knows it's always every man for himself. Always. Of course, get riddled with bullets yourself and it's your co-op buddy's sworn duty to revive you within fourteen seconds.


Have multiple spins on Nazi Zombies’ 'lucky' box

A bit specific, this one. But all those aspiring to be online a-holes need heed this lesson. When playing Call of Duty: World at War's Nazi Zombies mode it is imperative you forsake your duties (that usually consist of diligently repairing boarded-up windows so your mates don't get murdered by the undead) for several spins on the magic weapons box. And when we say 'several', we mean as many as it takes to get the ray gun.


Blame your partner when you f*ck up a QTE

Dude, you don't have to explain yourself to us. We definitely believe you when you say it was your partner who failed 17 straight QTEs in a row. Regardless of who may or may not have forgotten to hit B when that giant boulder crushed the pair of you over and over again, it's your calling as an up-and-coming co-op jerk to always pass the blame on to your team-mate. Ruined friendships are a small price to pay to uphold the good name of your awesome QTE mastery.


Steal items you don’t need just to screw your buddy over

We refer you to case study 236 of the Gamer's Guide to Being a Dick in Co-op: The Streets of Rage chicken scenario. No matter how much health/ammo/guns you might have and disregarding how near death/shit out of bullets/defenceless your co-op pal is, it's vital you always steal every available power up. This usually means keeping a strict adherence to the 'ignore-every-onscreen-f*cker-who's-trying-to-kill-you-and-just-go-for-the-health-pack' philosophy. Successful completion of this will result in many hearty, dick-endorsed lulZ.

Have any other examples of how to be be a cock while playing co-op? Been royally screwed by any of the above? Let us know in the comments. 

May 20, 2010


44 comments

  • andremurphy212 - June 1, 2011 8:25 p.m.

    Doing crap like this can get u badly rated on xbox live. That's for sure.
  • CanCan77 - May 23, 2010 7:56 p.m.

    Nice!
  • GG Gabby - May 23, 2010 4:53 a.m.

    At CoD:WaW, When your teamate is getting overrun by enemies in Co-op, just leave him. XD and also in MP when your buddy's getting attacked by a whole pack of dogs,just watch him turn into Dog food. lol XD
  • mentalityljs - May 22, 2010 4:18 p.m.

    I experience a fair share of this in L4D/L4D2, and is by far the number one reason I hate playing online. ALL you health pack wasting, friendly firing, pussy ass stand-back-and-watch-everyone-get-killed-by-a-tank-and-not-fire-a-single-shot, useless pieces of shit can get fucked! The only satisfaction I get out of these smegma helmet wearing douches is when they run ahead of everybody and get face fucked by a jocky and raped by a witch, then I leave them to die with a smile on my face :) (o 0)
  • oryandymackie - May 21, 2010 6:49 p.m.

    So cold...
  • CAPST3R - May 21, 2010 6:27 p.m.

    Camp. I fucking hate campers. They anger me so much, I've actually quit all COD games.
  • lovinmyps3 - May 21, 2010 5:14 p.m.

    I actually pull a Leeroy Jenkins regularly. Even before I saw that video I would do that. I always thought it was hilarious! Luckily in the end my teammates usually thought so too.
  • eee - May 21, 2010 5:13 p.m.

    Act like you are playing single player do anything and everything without letting your partner in on it.(gets em every time) P.S. kill all AI in the game if their own your side or not.
  • philipshaw - May 21, 2010 10:27 a.m.

    This sounds like the stuff you do in co-op Meiks, if what Dave H said about your L4D playing is to be believed
  • FreekinIdiot - May 21, 2010 10:03 a.m.

    GTA4 flying in a helicopter with a mate to an objective and then jump out of it just before you get there and watch them helplessly plummet into an office block. Yeah you die as well but it's worth it for pure dickishness.
  • linkganon - May 21, 2010 5:12 a.m.

    on dead rising 2, some person said he was going to play co-op and will use the useless weapons to annoy the other person that is online with him.
  • may.be.vital - May 21, 2010 3:51 a.m.

    What about setting off all the alarms in L4D?
  • 510BrotherPanda - May 21, 2010 3:20 a.m.

    Meiks, you genius, keep making up new, ingenious weird terms. "Albino orangutan tit"? CLASSY!
  • Cwf2008 - May 21, 2010 2:44 a.m.

    Oh and speaking of care packages in MW2...when someone calls one in on hardcore, let them walk to it and before they can claim it, shoot them and take it for yourself :D
  • Cwf2008 - May 21, 2010 2:43 a.m.

    Hmm Gears of War 2...stealing all the power weapons then intentionally using all the ammo or getting killed so no one gets it. Halo 3: Teamkilling. Extra points for creative teamkills!
  • BrendanGoranson - May 21, 2010 2:42 a.m.

    ask them to lend you an item (like in resident evil 5 ) that they worked hard to get, then throw it away
  • NightCrawler_358 - May 21, 2010 1:49 a.m.

    Haha I've done almost all of these. I usually let my buddies die just so I can get a higher score than them!
  • DriveShaft - May 21, 2010 12:29 a.m.

    Lmao, ever since my I got my mic I decided to be really over dramatic, like if one of my partners in Uncharted 2 geys hurt I run towards them yelling "I GOT YOU MAN I GOT YOU, I WONT LET YOU DIE ITS YOU AND ME BRAH ILL SAVE YOUUUUU" Then throw a grenade and tell them you pressed the wrong button x]
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - May 21, 2010 12:04 a.m.

    Vehicle segments and you're driving - keep crashing or going the wrong direction.
  • Godstrike3020 - May 20, 2010 11:40 p.m.

    thats f in funny i do all that shit

Showing 1-20 of 44 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000

OR…

Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.