God this is depressing. Brilliant new games crash and burn in UK gaming charts. Also, Black Ops confirmed as best-selling game in UK EVAR!

It's not all bad news. Zumba Fitness is number one. Oh, hang on...

When it comes to games that we love taking an absolute shitty nose-dive in the UK gaming charts, we've definitely been hurt before. But not like this. Not two weeks in a row. This is a sustained attack of spirit-crushing depression that has left us feeling like a sad balloon at an asthmatic's birthday party.

First up, Child of Eden. An intangibly creative and technically mind-blowing on-rails shooter that's infinitely more than an on-rails shooter and is made by genuine maker of awesome games, Tetsuya Mizuguchi (Rez). It completely fails to make the top 20 (it entered at 22 and has since dropped to 28).

Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, Shadows of the Damned, the gloriously in-your-face horror shooter from the mega-power genius-brains of Suda 51 (No More Heroes) and Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil), arrives like a surplus fart at 25. Pfft.

Above: Shadows of the Damned anyone? Anyone? ANYONE?

That's two incredible games, created by legitimate industry legends, that have spectacularly tanked in consecutive weeks. These are games that have an abundance of the very things gamers routinely demand more of - imagination, fresh ideas and new experiences. And what twinkling gem currently sits at the top of the UK gaming charts? Zumba Fitness. God it's depressing.

But wait. That's not all. Today Activision has revealed that Call of Duty: Black Ops is officially thebest selling game in the UK ever. EVAR! To date the game has sold over 3.7 million copies. I'm not brilliant with numbers, but by my calculations that's something like 4 million copies more than Child of Eden and Shadows of the Damned COMBINED! Holy shit that *is* depressing.

Yes, the charts are a reflection of the main-stream focused purchases of the risk averse masses, but I feel genuinely glum that there apparently aren't enough gamers in the UK that actually give a shit to get either Child of Eden or Shadows of the Damned into the top 20. Very sad face.

Above: A dog dressed as the Easter Bunny. Just to break up the sadness

Admittedly, I'm part of the problem - I got sent both games for free, so haven't given any financial support to either game (although I would like to think my editorial contribution is worth *something*). So that's my excuse. But what about you? Have you bought either game? If so, well done. Feel smug. But if not, why not? I'm genuinely interested to know why barely any bugger has picked up either Child of Eden or Shadows of the Damned.

June 28, 2011


I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.
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