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Gaming's craziest cults

We are building a religion. We are building it bigger. We are widening the corridors. And adding more lanes.

Words: on October 6, 2010
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101 comments

  • philipshaw - October 7, 2010 11:57 a.m.

    When I read the headline,I knew that Unitology would be on here. Worshiping a marker just seemed dumb and you knew no good would come of it

  • asljirk - October 7, 2010 11:50 a.m.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who got the Cake reference...

  • chrisbg99 - October 7, 2010 10:53 a.m.

    I kind of wonder why anyone considers it "ballsy" to make fun of the Catholic church.

  • sepirothpk - October 7, 2010 9:46 a.m.

    @LastPariah The same could be said about Atheists who believe that they are superior to everyone else and try to shove their views down others' throats. Not all religion followers, not atheists are like this. However, the last one was insulting. I liked the rest of the article but the last part was a shoddy attempt at humour that only succeeds at insulting people.

  • KidKatana - October 7, 2010 9:13 a.m.

    ...and now that I've read it, great article! The covenant one made me chuckle. But where are Los Illuminados from Resi 4? I thought the guy in the last picture was Osmund Saddler, but actually it was just some guy who bears a striking resemblance to him.

  • KidKatana - October 7, 2010 8:55 a.m.

    I just opened this article and I didn't even get a chance to read it before feeling obliged to post a comment thanking you for that Cake reference in the subtitle. Awesome band!

  • Zeb364 - October 7, 2010 8:16 a.m.

    Nice article. I knew Fallout 3 would be in this article and surprisingly my first instinct was not the Childern of Atom but in fact The Treeminders. Once I thought about it though I realized that their far from the worst. It totally should be the Apostles of the Holy Light or the Point Lookout Tribals. I mean one of them requires their members to drink irradiated water until they mutate and the other's members drug themselves, get lobotomized, and then follow orders from a brain in a jar. I'd say that's worse than a bunch of dillusional hippies with lame-ass names. Great ending by the way.

  • QWERTYCommander - October 7, 2010 7:30 a.m.

    That last part: Balls. Pure Balls. Can I make 9/11 jokes now?

  • jmcgrotty - October 7, 2010 6:42 a.m.

    Anyone who is offended by any word of this is just a poopypants. I actually am happy to see the lack of outrage over any part of this (though I am disappointed that only one person complained about the Believes/belief mistake at the beginning). And the only difference between a cult and a religion is what side of the fence you stand on. It all comes down to who writes the history books.

  • Cwf2008 - October 7, 2010 4:07 a.m.

    The thing is...im Catholic but i know a good laugh when i see one. Is the last entry offensive? I think the real question should be "Was it funny?" If so, then it was effective

  • flyboyj65 - October 7, 2010 3:39 a.m.

    Is it me, or does Halo's Covenant seem similar to The Catholic church during the Crusades? They're both powerful politically, militarily and spiritually, they deal with heretics cruelly, and they wage a war against another religion/species/race in the name of their God. They both even use "The Gods Will It" as a battlecry and a reason for their destruction

  • Fusionmix - October 7, 2010 3:21 a.m.

    I know so many people who went atheist because of Catholic school or Catholic church. In my opinion, it's a corrupt institution. Great article ;)

  • Valcrist - October 7, 2010 2:55 a.m.

    I think its a very funny article, and not just because the catholic church is mainstream it means we can´t make fun of it, I mean, its always funny as long as its not about your own? thats waaaay too childish.... Also loved the Xenu reference on the unitologists, hope THEY dont bring their demon-spawn-lawyers on you "The difference between cult and religion, is that the former is what you call the beliefs of others, and the later are your own" someone once said

  • D0CCON - October 7, 2010 2:41 a.m.

    Top two things a gaming website should NEVER talk about: Religion Politics (Republican vs. Democrat politics, not the Supreme Court case on video games politics) Congratulations are breaking one of the unwritten laws. Crumbdunky says it best. PS: I'm guessing I just fed the troll. It's weird to think that a GR writer is a troll, but it still feels that way.

  • Hurricrane - October 7, 2010 2:27 a.m.

    I'm so happy you made fun of catholocism, Thanks Mr. Sterling!

  • acehard - October 7, 2010 1:58 a.m.

    correction: a cult is a deviation from existing religion, ie mormans and jehovas witnesses who branch off of christianity. most of those are actually full blown religions. we wouldnt call islam a cult cuz that would be stupid, original=religion... but its a common ignorant noob mistake

  • Jamahl - October 7, 2010 1:49 a.m.

    Excuse me gonna nerd out here. The Covenant's religion was based around wanting to get the forrunner artifacts to become more powerful, and to start the great journey. They actually did think the humans were standing in the way of that, and were misguided to the very end. So they're kinda more tragic than the article makes it seem. Also, they controlled more advanced technology than anyone else in the universe and were comprised of millions (possibly billions, grunts breed really fast) of species. So not really a cult.

  • FauxFurry - October 7, 2010 1:39 a.m.

    The only things that I find remotely offensive about this article is the use of the "Believes" in place of "Beliefs" in the opening statement and the omission of the cult of Carpainter from Earthbound. A bunch of New-Age Retro-Hippies painting the town blue! Does more truly need to be said? If you ever do an article on the most ineffectual videogame cults, the Cult of Shadows (pre-player character interaction) from Fable 2 ought to be shoe-ins for inclusion. It's more of a social club for bored rich people than anything else. That does sound a bit familiar. On the flipside,for most reasonable videogame religions,anything having to do with Okami's version of Shintoism (not only is Ammy a god who gets things done personally,one would have to be a demon or something to dislike her,not that she ever threatens anyone with smiting for not doing so,despite her power being directly tied to her followers' faith. No,she has to earn it!) or the cult of 'Insert Name Here' for Black or White (a god who goes for the hands-on approach rather than delegating that to priests,whether it be to deliver mana from Heaven or tossing the unfaithfull into the drink, is always warms the heart without the need for Hellfire) or the God's avatar from ActRaiser (leaving the dirty work up to one's fan club makes one less all-powerful than Mickey Mouse). Is "febbins Petrocelli" the guy from the Roman Catholic Church who'll want to have a word with you,Jim? Is reCAPTCHA some kind of computerized prophet? There's an idea for a stupid cult related to videogames (or gamesites)!

  • AlpineGuy - October 7, 2010 1:37 a.m.

    Totally agree with JohnDagger, where's the love for Dead Rising's Raincult? Also, the bit at the end was hilarious...and ballsy!

  • soccerclownking - October 7, 2010 1:34 a.m.

    What about the Cult of Andraste in Dragon Age Origins? They seemed pretty wacky to me.

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