Game Ads of Yesteryear

60 bits of olde tyme game propaganda we dug out of our closets

Words: on February 4, 2009

All the editors at GamesRadar are huge nerds and have been since birth. For example, during the holiday break we visited our parents and dove into the closet to read our old comic books. What we found was both disappointing and exciting. Even though the ROM comics were embarrassingly made and much worse than we remember, the ads for video games inside were also much worse and poorly made than we recalled, but in a good way.

So we scooped up our memories, took them on the flight home, scanned them over several hours, and share them with you now. Hope you enjoy them as much as we did.

Special thanks to Chris Antista for his amazing additions.



Above: No game has ever made anyone that happy

 


Above: You had a “helped wanted” ad for your secret Death Star mission? No wonder the Emperor saw it coming

 


Above: But then Larsen realized his life was a hollow lie based around games and riddles. His body was found in his studio apartment this morning

 


Above: That’s right kids, to get strong like Popeye play Atari and punch glass bottle every day

 


Above: We prefer Kool-Aid points to Microsoft Points. And yes, those are controllers they’re holding

 


Above: Battlezone trained child soldiers the world over

 


Above: "Simply remove the cart from all eight of your consoles"

 


Above: A future with lasers, but they never improved on the helicopter

 


Above: Is this an ad for a game or the Yellow Submarine?

 


Above: This ad proposes that being on the moon is just like an arcade. A bold stance indeed

 


Above: One word says more than a screenshot ever could

 


Above: Live your dream of riding a jet ski while extremely close to a sci-fi Christ figure

Related

Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, PC, PSP, DS, Xbox, GameCube

38 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • JosefMotley

    JosefMotley  - 1 year, 7 months ago  - Report

    "double-teaming shredder's 700 foot soldiers"?? gulp
  • NottaFanboY

    NottaFanboY  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    I have that kool-aid game on intellivision 3! now I wanna play.lol also Iron sword is a good game
  • lawless77

    lawless77  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Flashback! I've been trying to remember the name of that game for years. Man, I loved that one back in the day. Thanks, guys.
  • noofer7

    noofer7  - 3 years ago  - Report

    shoulda included tv commercials so u coulda shown that awesome OoT ad
  • RazorBladeDream

    RazorBladeDream  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Ye Gods I owned that Qwirk game AND the Punisher game. The Punisher game was ridiculous, Spider-Man literally swung in for two seconds complete with a ridiculous *dooOOOO!!* noise. The Qwirk game wasn't all that bad, the puzzles were okay for what it was. I did own the dreaded Spot game for Game Boy which was more or less Othello.
  • Sash

    Sash  - 3 years ago  - Report

    And lol @ "This isn’t a basketball game, it’s a lynching"
  • Sash

    Sash  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Lol "Zonked out"
  • phoenix_wings

    phoenix_wings  - 3 years ago  - Report

    "We Saved Breakfast!" lol
  • Red

    Red  - 3 years ago  - Report

    I loved how one of them actually went as far as advertising free pizza coupons from Pizza Hut if they purchased the game.
  • may.be.vital

    may.be.vital  - 3 years ago  - Report

    I lol'd at the Mario breakfast and Decapattack ads
  • zymn

    zymn  - 3 years ago  - Report

    when that one ad said Gary Larsen, i thought they meant Gary LARSON...
    you know, the guy who made The Far Side...
    it was a comic strip in the 80s/90s?
    never heard of it?
    then go die.
  • HungryBeaver

    HungryBeaver  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Kool Aid game? I wanna play that. Holy crap cool!
  • PCG_Evan

    PCG_Evan  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Good stuff. I like when Robocop strangled the dragon to grab his book of the shelf.
  • lava_lamp

    lava_lamp  - 3 years ago  - Report

    >Is this an ad for a game or the Yellow Submarine?

    lmao i love that movie
  • ssj4raditz

    ssj4raditz  - 3 years ago  - Report

    FABIO! I just knew Iron Sword had to be in this.
  • babo_u_da

    babo_u_da  - 3 years ago  - Report

    i can't choose which one is my favorite out of these the mario ad or the final fantasy mystic quest ad..
  • Crashdown1

    Crashdown1  - 2 years, 9 months ago  - Report

    This article reminds me of the first video game system (I use that term lightly) I had. It was a Texas Instruments system with riveting games like Math-Man, which was a Pac-Man rip off that required you to do math problems before moving to the next level of the game. At the time it was the shiznit, now it just seems sad...
  • noofer7

    noofer7  - 3 years ago  - Report

    shoulda included tv commercials so u coulda shown that awesome OoT ad
  • thochaos

    thochaos  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Awesome. I remember 95% of these. I used to buy a ton of comics in the mid 80s to mid 90s. Then I realised I could buy games with that money. Oh man. That was bad for my wallet.
  • theatticusera

    theatticusera  - 3 years ago  - Report

    Holy cack i had one of those turtles handheld green plastic dealies!! I loved it as a kid. Ah gamesradar you bring back fond memories! :)
Most Commented
Connect with GamesRadar