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ClassicRadar: SkeleTONS - nearly every bony bastard in the gaming universe

The following story originally posted on Oct. 31, 2008, back when our old layout confined it to a much smaller column width – and much smaller images. With Halloween 2011 fast approaching, we decided it was time to pull it out, dust it off and give it a second chance at life, this time making its bony plethora of skeletons easier to see.


A few months ago we had this idea to make a “Skeletons of Street Fighter” feature. Street Fighter IV hype was asploding across the webs (GamesRadar included) and we felt there was no better time to excuse a barrage of boney bastards across the site.

Then we thought, “why stop with Street Fighter?” There’ve got to be a billion goddam skeletons creeping through virtual graveyards just begging to have their toothy visage slapped on the immortal internet. Who are we to deny them such a privilege? So, without further yammering, we present, just in time for Halloween (y Dia de los Muertos), the biggest batch of skelleys you’ve ever seen... starting with Street Fighter II.

Anyone remotely familiar with television sets and fun should recognize the glowing assortment of bones above. Blanka, one of our office favorites, could charge his body with enough juice to incapacitate opponents, revealing their myriad bone structures in the process. Then came...

It’s a deadite dance party! Who knew receiving lethal amounts of muscle-shredding lightning was so fun? Also: love how Akuma and Birdie keep their accessories on even while being fried.

SFIII doesn’t have the luxury of Blanka’s X-Ray beams, so you have to go with bendy/stretchy weirdo Necro. Can you tell who’s who just by their writhing skeleton?

Skullomania isn’t actually a walking dead man. Instead he’s a soulless corporate shill who has nothing left to live for and decides to dress up like a skeleton and fight crime.

Moving from Street Fighter to Mortal Kombat (once upon a time among the most bitter rivalries in all of gaming), we see a distinct shift in skeletal showmanship. No more cartoony depictions, these are the real deal, meant to shock the other player into such a frightened state that he ignores how utterly broken the first Mortal Kombat is. Seriously, it’s crap.

Now this is more like it – a fiery, screaming skeleton from MK II that provides macabre pleasure for the victor and a halfway decent gameplay experience for everyone involved. Can someone tell Scorpion that mouths don’t open like that?

Flaming death, this time looking straight on instead of a side view. Kombat was going places when part three released in 1995. The movie had just come out, the franchise was nearly as popular as Street Fighter (if not more), and then they squandered it all on goofy fatalities and dumbass friendships. Maybe MKvsDCU will bring much needed change to the series... plus maybe we get to see Scorpion burn Superman into an ashy pile of smoldering bones.

Next page – Castlevania, Final Fantasy and more classic franchises!

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29 comments

  • Turboash - November 1, 2011 6:17 a.m.

    YAY! Brett's back everybody!
  • mattfikes - October 31, 2011 noon

    no minecraft?
  • DukeNukeThem - October 31, 2011 1:34 a.m.

    I loved the skeletons from 'Point Blank' they were so well animated.
  • NightCrawler_358 - October 30, 2011 3:29 p.m.

    I like it! But I don't like the lack of the dancing skeleton named "Bones" from Spyro 2 and 3. No prob though!
  • CancerMan - October 30, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    This article is still fantastic! Remember when GR used to do original humor articles on a daily basis?
  • ultimatepunchrod - October 30, 2011 11:08 a.m.

    thanks for including Medievil. effing loved that mediocre game.
  • DLSemen - October 30, 2011 7:50 a.m.

    Oh, Brett!
  • pkozyra64 - October 29, 2011 11:42 p.m.

    You have no idea how upset I am that the dancing skeletons from Monkey Island II didn't make it. ='(
  • kickinthegroin - October 30, 2011 2:58 a.m.

    I know, right? All the way through that I was thinking "Ah, Monkey Island is on the next page" Sadly...they never were =(
  • CitizenWolfie - October 30, 2011 6:49 a.m.

    I also can't believe they left out Monkey Island. Murray would not be happy...
  • Leathersoup - October 31, 2011 4:30 a.m.

    I was just thinking the same thing. No Murray = Incomplete List
  • metroid2099400 - October 29, 2011 9:26 p.m.

    Whenever I think of Gaming Skeletons, I think of the original two Prince of Persia games, and their skeleton duels! Also the undead pirates in the Monkey Island games.
  • CowboyBlasto - October 29, 2011 8:24 p.m.

    What, no Demon's Souls?
  • DLSemen - October 30, 2011 7:51 a.m.

    this article was written in 2008. Reading is fundamental.
  • 510BrotherPanda - October 29, 2011 6:37 p.m.

    It's nice that Brett included Crocomire on the last page. I remember seeing this article way back when...
  • ProfessorLeighton - October 29, 2011 6:20 p.m.

    Oooohhhhh Brelston come back, you can blame it all on me!!!
  • CrispyPuppet - October 29, 2011 4 p.m.

    Memories:)
  • Moondoggie1157 - October 29, 2011 3:51 p.m.

    I wouldn't call the original MK, "broken". I've never felt that it was, but anywho, good article :D Skeletons make everything better. Just downloaded MediEvil, looking forward to playing through it again.
  • UberNoob - October 29, 2011 2:59 p.m.

    I remember MediEvil. I loved and was frightened by that game...
  • codystovall - October 29, 2011 1:20 p.m.

    Brett haunts us beyond the grave... Skull bones, probably my fav.

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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