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VIDEO GAME, MOVIE AND TV NEWS

Bill O'Reilly says Mars has no moons... then where does Doom take place???

Fox News shoutmaster Bill O'Reilly recently said the ebb and flow of the tides is something science can't explain. All theological and religious arguments aside, we of course know precisely why tides exist - the moon. So naturally, that lead O'Reilly to ask the most important question in history - HOW DID THE MOON GET THERE?

Now, we don't have a 100% accurate answer for that. The prevailing hypothesis says the moon could be a big ol' chunk of Earth that was torn away by a massive impact millions of years ago. Or it could have been plucked from God's Galaxy Garden and placed there just so wolves would have something to yell at. We can debate it forever. But part of O'Reilly's argument is that the moon is unique to Earth, and therefore special. To further the point, he asks "how come Mars doesn't have that?"

Well, now I'm really confused, because I swore Mars had two moons, Phobos and Deimos. But if I trust this talking head instead of researching news on my own, then I must have been mistaken my whole life. And if Mars has no moons, then WHERE THE HELL DOES DOOM TAKE PLACE? Does id Software know this? Should I call John Carmack and John Romero and tell them they've been duped by scientists in the pocket of Big Deimos?


Above: OH GOD EVERYTHING IS IN QUESTION NOWWWWWW


Above: Hey wait... Doom's depictions of Phobos and Deimos have mountains and trees... they faked it! Holy shit Mars really doesn't have moons! I am now forced to ask...


Above: How'd the moon get there?


Above: How'd the moon get there?


Above: How did it get there?


Above: C'mon


Above: How'd it get there?

My mind is made up. Mars must not really have any satellites, and dozens of games throughout history have perpetuated the myth of two phantom moons. Clearly our moon is special. Well ours and the 63 orbiting Jupiter and 62 surrounding Saturn. He didn't mention those,so I guess they're cool.

Feb 2, 2011