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8 games that let you kill animals

Let's get this out in the open. We're all sick of nature. Yes, it's trendy to cry about saving the panda and preserving the precious rainforest, but secretly, we've had enough of plants and animals getting in the way of our lives. Wouldn't it just be easier if we could take a golf club to the face of every panda we see gurning at us from behind their ill-gotten bamboo shoots? Of course it would!

Unfortunately, thanks to The Man, we can't get away with viciously decimating legions of deserving animals in real life.  Thank the sweet maker for videogames, which allow us to give these smarmy fauna the kicking they deserve. You still can't punch a marmoset for perceived sarcasm, but you can at least explode a digital cow. Check out our list of top games that let you kill animals. They're asking for it…


The Saboteur

If there are any monstrosities more deserving of punishment than Nazis, it's those methane-billowing, cud-chewing, udder-dragging cows. Sean Devlin, plucky Irish hero of Pandemic's The Saboteur, is well aware of this fact, which is why he uses good dynamite in order to blow those bastardly bovine to bloody bits.

Destroying cows in The Saboteur is particularly satisfying, since World War II era cows are apparently made out of mushroom flesh, breaking into chunks and flying everywhere with the slightest applied force. Driving around a field and smashing into cows that burst on impact like balloons full of porridge is truly one of gaming's most rare and beautiful treats. Keep fighting the good fight!


Far Cry 2

Nobody likes zebras. They are merely fancy horses, strutting around with their exquisite stripes and acting as if they were kings of the savanna. They're probably arrogant, and we shouldn't have to put up with their smug preening any longer. This is why Far Cry 2 is such a catharsis.

Far Cry 2 lets you live out your wildest fantasy and take these ludicrous beasts down a peg or two. Whether you're smacking into their astonished faces with a righteously speeding jeep, or kissing them in the back of the head with a steel bullet that has most certainly been earned, Ubisoft makes sure you get your fill of zebra carnage. You might be able to knife one in the gut if you're quick enough. Wouldn't that be delightful?


Modern Warfare 2

Modern Warfare 2 was the subject of an incredibly heated controversy when it launched in 2009. Infinity Ward's latest blockbuster contained one of the most shocking, horrific and emotionally disturbing scenes of interactive terrorism that the world has ever witnessed. We are, of course, talking about the level where you have the choice to open fire on dozens and dozens of innocent chickens.

You heard me – chickens! This gruesome and tasteless scene, so soon after the nightmarish events depicted in the movie Chicken Run, stunned the gaming world to its very core. Some argued the chickens deserved it. We must admit that they shouldn't have been in the way, and if they happen to get themselves killed, we can only extend a limited sympathy.

69 comments

  • diego-rafael - February 25, 2014 7:47 p.m.

    what a sick, awful article. if you really want that much to kill animals and feel pleasure doing it (even in videogames), you should kill yourself first.
  • ryanwiley - March 8, 2011 5:22 a.m.

    oblivion is a fine example i just love sending an arrow into the head of a horse with someone on its back and both of them hitting the ground, and the owner standing up and drawing a weapon thinking he can stand a chance ,and then you pull out umbra and seal their soul into a soulgem,or chasing down deer on foot and taking its meat, or slaughtering wolves
  • Pale - May 28, 2010 7:56 a.m.

    To Jim: Okay, maybe i`m too farty, old and softskinned to missing a big point of this article but this must be a bad joke, have you ever thought that some kids might take this seriously? And some of the commenters has already done that...i really hope that you know what you`re doing.
  • zigs - May 7, 2010 8:45 p.m.

    Great article! :) Did not like Jim Sterling on TDar at all, completely loathed it in fact. But articles like these are definitely hilarious and something I'd welcome more of :)
  • eee - May 6, 2010 7:09 p.m.

    O yea!!! f%$k the dinosaurs
  • GG Gabby - May 6, 2010 5:20 p.m.

    aww but I love Pandas! They're the least racist animals! They're Black, white, and Asian! lol
  • TJay25oo - May 6, 2010 2:33 p.m.

    You forgot Resident Evil 5.
  • The_Author - May 6, 2010 7:54 a.m.

    Why's WoW not on this list? I loved doing the /love "animal", killing them, and sceaming "Noooooooooooooo!"
  • Liide - May 6, 2010 4:01 a.m.

    Great article, but shouldn't Fable 2 be in here somewhere, considering it had the achievement for killing small animals.
  • Cyberninja - May 5, 2010 11:33 p.m.

    in ff13 animals get to fight back happy buttercup?
  • jakery22 - May 5, 2010 3:47 p.m.

    What about Oblivion and the killing of wolves and your own horses? Deers also. If you could catch them. :P.
  • philipshaw - May 5, 2010 3:30 p.m.

    Great article and I remember running over the cows in the saboteur because my friend wanted to see what happened and when they exploded, there was many lols had
  • pin316 - May 5, 2010 12:46 p.m.

    hmmmmmn....i get the missing off of brutal legend (although that was a lot of fun!), but i' a little bit surprised that the article is called "8 games that let you kill animals", and yet Monster Hunter Tri, which is basically the entire process of killing an animal from the planning and tactics to the actual kill, is not mentioned?
  • FinderKeeper - May 5, 2010 10:48 a.m.

    Pretty much any Cabela game ever created would fit this category as well... but that would be banally obvious, wouldn't it? Like shooting a friend on a hunting trip even though he was wearing a hunting vest...
  • Lolspamm0r - May 5, 2010 7:25 a.m.

    i thought you were going to say something about humans being the real animals when you mentioned modern warfare 2 :P
  • WrathLord03 - May 5, 2010 6:45 a.m.

    I don't see why you could only find eight...with red dead redemptiona couple of days away from release its hard to believe you missed that, and Sonic's an animal... Almost.
  • Ravenbom - May 5, 2010 6:17 a.m.

    LMAO at the Final Fantasy entry!
  • theturbolemming - May 5, 2010 4:52 a.m.

    Just wait for Red Dead Redemption. Mmmmmm....
  • schuylerv - May 5, 2010 4:30 a.m.

    In farcry 2 I chose to nurture the zebra instead of killing it so it would aid me later in a random encounter
  • phoenix_wings - May 5, 2010 4:20 a.m.

    Aww, poor kitty in the initial picture. "I can haz last wurds?" While technically you couldn't 'kill' them, I always kind of enjoyed running over the cuckoos at Lon-Lon Ranch. There is something unsettlingly satisfying as well about busting a cap in a chicken on RE5, too. And what was that one thing in the cages? A giant rat? Whatever, mercy kill.

Showing 1-20 of 69 comments

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