6 gaming news flashes you don't need to read

Every day sees more and more gaming news shovelled on to the internet. It can be hard to keep up. Or at least it can be tricky to identify what is actual 'news' and what is a load of old filler not worth reading. Thankfully, there are some classic, well-worn gaming news headlines that help identify much of the pointless chaff produced on those painfully slow news days. So here for your guidance are six gaming news flashes that really aren't worth a click, let alone any serious attention from your eyes.

Developer doesn't say anything about new game

If a headline contains the words 'developer', 'tight-lipped' and 'secret project', then you can pretty much guarantee that the accompanying 'news' will have all the illuminating qualities of a black hole. Rather than read any such story, we generally find it more productive to sit in a darkened room and have a wank about Shenmue 3 instead.

Development studio hiring people to make some games

Secrets of being a video-game journalist #067: If there's bugger all proper news about, just check out some developer sites, report on their job vacancies and pad the resulting story out with some safe speculation. Naughty Dog looking for an environment artist with experience in creating plants, shrubs and vines? Then clearly development of Uncharted 3 is underway and the game will be set in environments that feature flora. Like a jungle. Or a forest. Or pretty much anywhere that hasn't been rendered completely dead by a nuclear holocaust.

See? Making up news is easy.

Analyst makes some stuff up about the future

As far as we can tell, the only thing that separates an analyst from a gypsy is a suit. Unless you know for certain that the analyst in question is in possession of a fully operational time-machine, then what they are saying should be treated as a work of fiction. And if you like fiction, we'd suggest you go buy a book instead. Just make sure it's not written by Michael Pachter.

More news stories to avoid on the next page...