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6 gaming news flashes you don't need to read

Every day sees more and more gaming news shovelled on to the internet. It can be hard to keep up. Or at least it can be tricky to identify what is actual 'news' and what is a load of old filler not worth reading. Thankfully, there are some classic, well-worn gaming news headlines that help identify much of the pointless chaff produced on those painfully slow news days. So here for your guidance are six gaming news flashes that really aren't worth a click, let alone any serious attention from your eyes.


Developer doesn't say anything about new game

If a headline contains the words 'developer', 'tight-lipped' and 'secret project', then you can pretty much guarantee that the accompanying 'news' will have all the illuminating qualities of a black hole. Rather than read any such story, we generally find it more productive to sit in a darkened room and have a wank about Shenmue 3 instead.


Development studio hiring people to make some games

Secrets of being a video-game journalist #067: If there's bugger all proper news about, just check out some developer sites, report on their job vacancies and pad the resulting story out with some safe speculation. Naughty Dog looking for an environment artist with experience in creating plants, shrubs and vines? Then clearly development of Uncharted 3 is underway and the game will be set in environments that feature flora. Like a jungle. Or a forest. Or pretty much anywhere that hasn't been rendered completely dead by a nuclear holocaust.

See? Making up news is easy.


Analyst makes some stuff up about the future

As far as we can tell, the only thing that separates an analyst from a gypsy is a suit. Unless you know for certain that the analyst in question is in possession of a fully operational time-machine, then what they are saying should be treated as a work of fiction. And if you like fiction, we'd suggest you go buy a book instead. Just make sure it's not written by Michael Pachter.

More news stories to avoid on the next page...

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22 comments

  • ranaraptor - December 23, 2009 4:11 p.m.

    This whole article is a product of there being very little news in late Dec!!!
  • curly_jefferson - December 23, 2009 12:02 p.m.

    the last entry made me giggle
  • TheWebSwinger - December 20, 2009 5:01 a.m.

    Good to know the stock photos are being put to good use.
  • lovinmyps3 - December 19, 2009 6:34 p.m.

    Not worth reading yet I still insist on clicking on it!
  • jackthemenace - December 18, 2009 5:28 p.m.

    This artcile made me laugh like hell, but isnt' #3 exactly GR does anyway...?
  • idlemindkiller - December 18, 2009 4:17 p.m.

    Good read as usual GR. also at skyguy... are you gay?
  • rxb - December 18, 2009 1:10 p.m.

    The ones I hate the most are ' announcement of an announcement' stories. Either tell me now or get lost.
  • deedob - December 18, 2009 12:41 p.m.

    Devs go into hibernation for 6 months? Considering the amount of time and "over"time they put during the final stretch of making a game, i'm not surprised...
  • gamesradar_george1 - December 18, 2009 8:26 a.m.

    @CwF2008 In fairness we've almost certainly run most of these types of stories in the past - doesn't mean we can't poke fun at them though...
  • Cwf2008 - December 18, 2009 5:53 a.m.

    Hmm doesnt gamesradar tend to run speculative articles? So should we just ignore them?
  • Kruiser - December 18, 2009 2:23 a.m.

    @ Pocotron Melissa Theuriau is notoriously hot, this whole article was probably just an excuse to post her sexy mug. You should probably google her with SafeSearch turned off.
  • SausageLozenge - December 18, 2009 1:55 a.m.

    Thanks for looking out for us G-dar!
  • CH3BURASHKA - December 18, 2009 1:41 a.m.

    Technically, black holes are 'gold mines' of information: it's just nigh impossible to retrieve the information, let alone understand it. However, once we understand the way a black hole scrambles information, we'll probably be able to observe the Hawking Radiation, or the evaporation of strings on the horizon of the black hole, and decipher it. In short, there's quite a lot of information in and outside a black hole... So technically, that's not correct. *'that's not correct' music*
  • 435 - December 18, 2009 1:26 a.m.

    Thank you for essentially calling Michael Patchter a charlatan. He and his ilk are one of the banes of the industry.
  • Hurricrane - December 18, 2009 1:10 a.m.

    LMFAO @ the ""New game is going to be amazing", says man with vested interest in game's success" entry. I completely agree with that.
  • d3athcr4ft - December 17, 2009 11:43 p.m.

    @skyguy343 I wouldn't mind checking out her toe... lol
  • skyguy343 - December 17, 2009 9:42 p.m.

    @Pocotron Meh, she kinda looks like a camel.
  • Pocotron - December 17, 2009 8:48 p.m.

    Woah! That newswoman on page 2 is frickin hot!
  • Montag - December 17, 2009 8:36 p.m.

    I thought I was the only one who indulged in the old 5 finger knuckle shuffle about Shenmue
  • michaelmcc827 - December 17, 2009 8:11 p.m.

    The gamer's guide to N4G basically...

Showing 1-20 of 22 comments

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