Skip to main content

6 gaming news flashes you don't need to read

Developer doesn't say anything about new game

If a headline contains the words 'developer', 'tight-lipped' and 'secret project', then you can pretty much guarantee that the accompanying 'news' will have all the illuminating qualities of a black hole. Rather than read any such story, we generally find it more productive to sit in a darkened room and have a wank about Shenmue 3 instead.

Development studio hiring people to make some games

Secrets of being a video-game journalist #067: If there's bugger all proper news about, just check out some developer sites, report on their job vacancies and pad the resulting story out with some safe speculation. Naughty Dog looking for an environment artist with experience in creating plants, shrubs and vines? Then clearly development of Uncharted 3 is underway and the game will be set in environments that feature flora. Like a jungle. Or a forest. Or pretty much anywhere that hasn't been rendered completely dead by a nuclear holocaust.

See? Making up news is easy.

Analyst makes some stuff up about the future

As far as we can tell, the only thing that separates an analyst from a gypsy is a suit. Unless you know for certain that the analyst in question is in possession of a fully operational time-machine, then what they are saying should be treated as a work of fiction. And if you like fiction, we'd suggest you go buy a book instead. Just make sure it's not written by Michael Pachter.

More news stories to avoid on the next page...

I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.