Google+

20 Most Rabidly Patriotic Games

Here at the GamesRadar "idea factory," we don't merely take holidays... we take them and churn them into wonderfully, ridiculously themed features with silly art and sillier jokes. In that truly proud tradition, we're honoring America's 232nd birthday with more than just fireworks, air shows, barbeques and a bare-chested flag-waving werewolf... we're also picking out the 20 most rabidly patriotic games of all time.

What do we mean by "rabid"? Besides the werewolf, of course? Well, these are the titles that take their (possibly genuine) love of country to almost embarrassing extremes. These are the titles that plaster red, white and blue all over their box art simply to make a few extra bucks. These are the titles about saving presidents, killing terrorists and going from rags to filthy, filthy riches. These are the titles that represent stereotypical American values... both good and bad.

And if you're not too fond of the USA these days, fear not! We've got five totally unpatriotic games as well. Let's begin.


America's Army
US Army | 2002

Any game can add the word "America" to its title, but only one is actually owned, financed and distributed by the United States government. Any game can throw in a few dead terrorists to increase Wal-Mart sales, but only one is actually programmed and designed to transform geeky, gangly teenagers into freedom-fueled terrorist-slaughtering machines. Any game can trade patriotism for profit, but only one proved its true love of Lady Liberty by actually releasing on July 4, 2002... the first Independence Day after 9/11, when we needed the guidance and support of our first person shooters most!

Oh yeah, and unless you count $6-8 million in tax dollars, this baby's 100% free!


50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
Vivendi Games | 2008

This sequel is basically one gigantic middle finger to the rest of the world. Go ahead, rest of the world, build those armies. Test those nukes. Invade those neighboring countries. We're still so ridiculously sure of ourselves that - when the shiznit finally hits the fan - we're just gonna send in Fiddy. That's right, just Fiddy. The man's made of bullets and Vitamin Water, people - he can't be stopped.


Patriotic Pinball
2K Games | 2003

"It's time to explore and discover all the possibilities that can unfold in our proud nation," proclaims the back of the box for Patriotic Pinball.

Indeed! What could be prouder than bouncing a little silver ball off George Washington's head? What greater sacrifice could a citizen make than tilting the table to score an extra 100 points off the Statue of Liberty's majestic bosom? What deeper devotion to the nation could this game possibly show than replacing a couple bumpers and flippers with flags? American flags! Those image files didn't upload themselves, you know!


Frontlines: Fuel of War
THQ | 2008

Set in the midst of an energy crisis where natural gas is hard to come by (ya don’t say?), it’s up to a select few soldiers to fight for America’s God given right to control the world’s oil supply. In the sequel, we hear the US will use this war as leverage to drill in Alaska and bring down escalating barrel prices that Big Oil CEO’s “can’t” control.* How sweet - a game that’s indicative of America’s foreign policy.

*Political Commentary


Christian Founders 3D Computer Game
God | The 7th Day

Hey kids! Do you want to learn about the creation of the US government as it specifically pertains to Christianity? Playing as the national personification of the United States, Uncle Sam, uninformed sheep will “fly, slide, jump, bounce, dodge, search and solve puzzles” in this 3D Christian propaganda budget title. Thinly disguised religious text posing as a United States history lesson in videogame form? Whatever it takes to reach them kids, we suppose.


18 Wheels of Steel: American Long Haul
ValuSoft | 2007

Forget the stupid bald eagle. The real symbol of America is the semi truck. What better way to show off our disgusting abundance of wealth, land and naked lady mudflaps than with 18 wheels and 40 tons of road-hogging, gas-guzzling machinery driving 3,000 miles cross country? Possibly to deliver a shipment of bargain bin computer games about that very subject? The Founding Fathers would weep openly at the scene.

We Recommend By ZergNet

54 comments

  • beaver10666 - February 22, 2011 12:48 p.m.

    america up in that ass,bitches!(brought to you by Carl's Jr.)
  • GLaDOS13 - January 14, 2011 9:45 p.m.

    @stuffblowupnation: This website was actually made by the Brits smart one. anyways great article. I'm definitely not the most patriotic American (I plan on moving to Europe eventually), but this really riled up my patriotism.
  • FunkyDarkKnight - February 9, 2010 9:11 p.m.

    err...im actually english but i understand patriosm and these games scream 'AMERICA!' out loud. Good article
  • samgardner94 - January 12, 2010 6:30 p.m.

    I think that both countries should just get along after all most americans are desended from British and if it wasn't for our colinisation America would probably be like south america or mexico and look how terrible they are. we should get along and instead hate the French together.
  • RandyChimp - November 9, 2008 1:51 p.m.

    oh, and i hate americans who think they are superior to everyone else in the world, even though im probably smarter than the average american.
  • Bri77777 - November 8, 2008 9:24 p.m.

    So.....your NOT an American? Australian?
  • johndorean - November 8, 2008 12:43 p.m.

    hahahah im not against america but i hate people who act like america are the superior race get a life mate your counrty sucks! so does mine but that aint the point mind you it i have new found respect for you cos you voted obama into the white house:D lets see how you fuck it up this time shall we america?
  • Baconator96 - November 5, 2008 4:39 a.m.

    "blue collar plumber turned revolutionary"? its JOE THE FREEDOM FIGHTER!
  • TarkDaShark - November 4, 2008 11:26 p.m.

    comment for the Halo one, JOE THE SPARTAN
  • TyrannosaurusAlan - November 4, 2008 3:03 p.m.

    USA USA USA!
  • CarToons - November 28, 2008 11:58 p.m.

    ___GamesRadar '12 _________Palin HA! Just kidding. Good article you guys
  • Treners - November 14, 2008 7:50 p.m.

    Oh and RandyChimp- well said, well said.
  • Treners - November 14, 2008 7:30 p.m.

    America_FTW, 1. Britain was in both wars before you on YOUR GODDAMN SIDE 2. The USSR collapsed from the inside, America were too scared to do anything 3. Since when did we "get owned" in both world wars? We fucking, you only joined once you were bothered enough to get off your fat arses. 4. You conquered nothing, you liberated them from the Japanese.
  • America_FTW - November 12, 2008 11:37 p.m.

    U british commie buttt wipe america owns, who beat u in 2 wars while being the under dog?(AMERICA)who didnt get owned in WW1-2?(america) who lead D-Day(AmErIcA) who conqured the pacific islands?(aMeRiCa) and last but not least who took down the USSR(soviet union) AMERICA so EAT british person guy!
  • RandyChimp - November 9, 2008 1:45 p.m.

    im english and i hated america for the entire length of the bush administration, in the near enough words of Niko bellic, "perhaps now, things will be different!" Sure hope so
  • Basketcase676 - November 8, 2008 10:40 a.m.

    Haha, the american dream? So would anyone like to explain the amount of poverty in america these days?
  • Soulreaverm - November 8, 2008 7:36 a.m.

    Mmm, delicious irony. I very much enjoyed this article
  • xXHawkxEyeXx - November 8, 2008 3:59 a.m.

    Cod:4 ???
  • Cwf2008 - November 8, 2008 3:12 a.m.

    Damn GamesRadar. We all know Gaylo sucks, so why oh why did you go and make fun of the flag raising on Iwo Jima with that picture of some damn gay spartans raising a blue flag?
  • greenante - November 7, 2008 6:32 p.m.

    I'm so glad im irish

Showing 1-20 of 54 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000

OR…

Connect with Facebook

Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.