Gotta bleh 'em all
Pokmon X and Y is right around the corner, so it's time for the fanboys and Generation I fanatics to come out of the woodworks--or high grass, as it were. Soon, they'll begin crying foul at the idea of yet another slew of fighting monsters becoming an officially recognized addition to the already huge list of Pokmon to collect, train, and battle. Longtime fans, eyes blind with nostalgia, will tell you that GameFreak's artists have gradually been getting lazier and lazier, resulting in lackluster, illogical, and sometimes downright generic Pokmon designs.
Truth is, there have always been outright weird Pokemon. Seriously, does anyone remember Grimer, Muk, and Ditto, the three Play-Doh-looking blobs that made it into the first Pokmon generation? Although there will undoubtedly be some questionable pocket monsters in X and Y, here are the least inspired ones we've seen across the entire series.
Right off the bat, weve got a brand new Pokmon from Generation VI. And look, its yet another electric rodent. Pokmon X and Y may not be released yet, but as of the few Pokmon revealed from the upcoming game, Dedenne is already one of the worst, simply because Pokfans have had enough of this trope. It may be cute, but with Pichu, Pikachu, Raichu, Plusle, Minun, and Pachirisu already established, the last thing we need is yet another sparky mouse--especially one that looks like a pudgy and desaturated version of the series most famous Pokmon. Give us something new.
We're not sure what GameFreak was going for when it created the travesty that is Granbull. Sure, it looks like a dog--but considering it's a fairy species, we can't cast our vote one way or the other. This Pokmon's oddly shaped ears are at such an angle that it looks like the thing could take flight if it ran fast enough. And its coloring isn't any less confusing. Look at its giant teeth! They're purple, like the rest of its coat, which makes us think... maybe they're not technically teeth at all, but teeth-like horns growing from the spot where its lip should be. We don't get it either. All we know is Granbull is ugly, even uglier than its basic form Snubbull, and that's saying something.
Forretress is a pretty sweet-looking Pokmon. It's unique and intimidating, which is why its basic form, Pineco, is so disappointing. We're not even going to touch the logistics of the ability for what is essentially a sentient pinecone to evolve into the gnarly beast that is Forretress. That minor detail aside, just look at this thing. It may look exactly like a pinecone, but it cant even be dignified with that identity. Instead its dubbed it the bagworm Pokmon. Adding to the insult are those permanently crossed eyes that give it a goofy expression not even its mother could take seriously. Oh well. At least you only have to deal with him until level 31 before it evolves into something much cooler.
Seel wins the Most Like a Real World Animal Award, both in name and appearance. Seel? Really? Almost anything would have been a better name for this thing. It looks like someone was trying to draw a vegetable or something and threw a face on the end of it, resulting in this uninspired creature in an awkward position (seriously, it can't be comfortable balancing in that manner). Everything about this Pokmon is like its real world counterpart. We'd say the only feature that separates it from an actual seal is the small horn atop its head, but no one knows what the point of that addition is. He's so plain and boring that GameFreak tried making another seal-based Pokmon in a later generation, apparently forgetting that they'd even thought of Seel. At least Spheal and Sealeo are more creative than this average dude.
Every generation of Pokmon has its fair share of cute designs. We love the cute Pokmon, and it's even better when they're actually worth their salt in battle. But there is no hope for Luvdisc. This fish is literally a heart, with a single line for a mouth and a circle for an eye. Realizing thats probably not enough detail for a Pokmon, the artists added another light pink circle just below the eye. You know, because beauty marks and stuff. The least they could've done was add some fins or gills to at least give players the illusion that this thing is more than a living Valentine, but no. We don't know how this Pokmon manages to swim or breathe underwater, but there you have it.
Bunnelby is the second Generation VI Pokmon to make our list. It looks like a derp (the term so affectionately assigned to the low-level fodder trainers run into at the beginning of each game, such as Ratatat, Bidoof, and Patrat), so its off to a bad start. What makes Bunnelby particularly bad--though its design is objectively better than previous generations' derps--is the fact that it doesn't really look like a Pokmon. Bunnelby more closely resembles a caricature of a Looney Tunes-esque animal, which is saying something considering those are already cartoons. With its over-inflated ears, stubby arms, wide eyes, and buck teeth, this Pokmon isn't looking threatening or competition-worthy anytime soon. Oh well. At least he'll make a good slot-filler for your party for the first hour of Pokmon X and Y.
Stantler doesn't so much look like a Pokmon as it does a cartoon drawing of a buck. Which, obviously, would be fine, except it's supposed to be a Pokmon. And then there's the problem of that thing on its butt. What is that? Does anyone know? It can't be a tail, because it looks like a tumor or an enlarged gland of some sort. You might wanna get that checked out, Stantler. Or don't, because we don't know if you'd want to go to a Pokdoctor or a vet. And it also has jowls. Jowls! Who thought it would be a good idea to add saggy flaps of cheek flesh to a deer with a butt lump? Stantler's only redeeming quality is its somewhat unusual antlers that resemble evil eyes or maybe fish or something. We have no idea.
Everyone knows what an exoskeleton is, right? It's when a creature's skeleton is on the outside of its body, kind of like a protective armor. Crustaceans, for instance, have exoskeletons. Gurdurr, however, looks like it has exomuscles. And it's nasty. This guy is a hundred percent muscle, and they're practically bulging out of its flesh. Those pink things that are as thick as baseball bats? Veins. Disgusting, right? Worst of all is its head, which looks like an exposed brain tumor. What's with all the tumors? And Gurdurr's nose is no better than Bozo the Clown's. How does Gurdurr even lift weights with a waist that thin? Wouldn't his spine snap under the pressure? Gross.
We feel bad for Vullaby. Its not technically a baby Pokmon, though you wouldnt be able to tell from looking. Even the name Vullaby--only one letter off from lullaby--screams, Dont take me seriously! And that eggshell wrapped around its lower half? Yeah, thats a diaper. We know this because Vullaby is the diapered Pokmon. Poor guy. Not helping matters is the heart shape slapped on the front of its makeshift underpants. Cant get enough of those. And look at its wings. The poor thing can't even put them down because its silly diaper is in the way. How does it even fly? We dont know, but we do know one thing: Vullaby must have a dreadful time growing up when theyre permanently branded as babies.
Cofagrigus is a perfect example of an evolved Pokmon that has a far superior basic form. This guy evolves from Yamask, a unique and creepy Pokmon that is the spirit of a human. Each one carries a mask with it that was its face when it was alive, and sometimes it looks at it and cries. That's dark and, frankly, pretty cool. So what does this devious thing evolve into when it reaches the appropriate level? A floating sarcophagus, complete with multiple spaghetti ghost arms. There was so much potential here, but, nope, it's gone.
Probopass: the Nigel Thornberry Pokmon. The Easter Island statue lookalike that is Nosepass (and seriously, what kind of name is Nosepass?) was only made weirder when it was given an evolution. The unusual design of this thing could have been forgiven if that goofy mustache hadn't been tacked on. Look at that fuzzy mess. Does Probopass not have the self-respect to take care of that gnarly tuft of hair? Or maybe it simply can't reach it due to its useless arms that, for whatever reason, look like mini versions of itself, complete with honkers that take up two-thirds of their faces. Disgraceful.
So what exactly about Fearow is supposed to strike fear in our hearts again? Is it the giant red comb sitting atop its head? Or maybe its thin, brittle neck that would probably snap in a strong breeze is supposed to make us wet our pants? And don't forget its beak, the top half twice as long as the bottom; surely that is going to make foes everywhere think twice about attacking this malnourished, plain-colored Pokmon. We think the most frightening thing about Fearow is that its Pokdex number falls only a few places behind Pidgeot, a bird featuring a vastly superior design. Fearow looks like the kind of Pokmon an angsty, gothy 15-year-old would draw on his binder while skipping class.
We understand it's supposed to represent a cactus, but its humanoid shape and evil eyes make us think of Scarecrow from Batman more than anything else. Honestly, Cacturne looks more like a person in a foamy, green suit, like a man is trying to cosplay as an actual cactus. As a matter of fact, it almost looks huggable, which is a pretty big red flag considering this is a Pokmon based on a spiky plant. Cacturne design isn't particularly scary, cool, or even sensible. It's just silly, and that makes us sad.
Of all of Pokmons many Dragon types, Druddigon has to be among the most creative, mainly due to the fact that it looks like it was hastily drawn in crayon by a toddler that was trying to win a spikiest monster contest. With a face that looks like it's made of chewing gum and sharp, heavy wings (look at those things! How does Druddigon fly with what appears to be broken shards of glass?), we're really not sure what the designer of this "menacing" Pokmon was going for. Add to this monstrosity the fact that its chest reminds us of an accordion and you know you've got a disaster on your hands.
The series already had a group of plain, pink eggs that somehow function as a single Pokmon--eggcellently dubbed Exeggcute--so what could the thing evolve into? Apparently the answer was a walking palm tree with several coconut faces brilliantly named Exeggutor. Wheres the logic in that? Were not experts, but we dont think tropical trees and eggs have much in common, so we dont get the connection here. With its chubby body and multiple goofy faces, Exeggutor is even harder to take serious than Exeggcute. Hardly 100 Pokmon in and already some outlandish inspirations for Pokmon designs were making an appearance.
We admit that after five generations of Pokmon, fresh and creative inspirations can become sparse. But with the nearly limitless possibilities out there, why would GameFreak choose ice cream as a good basis for a Pokmon design? We can admit Vanillite, the basic form of Vanillish, is cute, even though we're not a fan of it looking more like a delicious dairy treat than a monster trained to fight in a quest for glorious victory. But Vanillite is basically the same thing, only bigger and with a painfully dumb face. Look into its eyes; you can almost see how much this thing loathes itself, with its sickly grin and stubby icicle arms.
Okay, hold the Xtransceiver. Quagsire is the water fish Pokmon? We're all for unique designs, but if thisthing looks like anything, a "water fish" is certainly not it. Quagsire has more of the amusing appearance of a sock puppet--complete with those lifeless, button-like eyes--than it does of an aquatic creature. Its distant gaze and permanent smile makes us think its IQ is lower than its number of appendages. And its tail. That thing is literally a purple hot dog wrapped in a blue bun. We have the feeling that Quagsire would fit in better on a Saturday morning cartoon than as a competitor in the violent world of Pokmon. It should probably get out before it hurts itself.
This guy (guys?) represents the epitome of lazy Pokmon design. Everyones first thought upon seeing Diglett as a child was probably something like, "That looks like poop." And that's correct. It's a brown, oblong shape protruding from the earth with hardly any other discernible characteristics. Take a look at its nose. Could it be anymore cartoony or useless-looking? It almost looks like an open mouth complete with a lone tooth at the top. But it gets worse, people. No one knows what Diglett looks like underneath the ground. Even battling with this thing in the middle of the ocean still results in the appearance of the trademark ground around it, which doesn't even make any sense. Adding insult to injury is the fact that Diglett's evolution is simply the same Pokmon multiplied, which is why Dugtrio has made our list.
Okay, this Pokmon is garbage. Literally. By the fifth generation, fresh design concepts were apparently in such short supply that someone thought it'd be a good idea to make a Pokmon based off a fermenting trash bag filled with poisonous rubbish. How does such a thing exist within the world of Pokmon anyway? People continually throw away their garbage until they one day wake up and realize their trash is sentient and bumbling away down the road? Apparently a chemical reaction caused peoples garbage to come to life at some point, but lets be honest; thats a terrible origin for a Pokmon.
Here we are. The laziest Pokmon design in existence. We want you to appreciate for a moment what this thing actually is. Look familiar? Within the first generation, the design of a Pokball was the inspiration for one of the Pokmon. Surely the developers could have been a bit more creative than that. The only thing that really separates it from an actual Pokball are the intimidating eyes tacked on there. And what'd the designers do for the evolution Electrode? Flipped it upside-down. The "hardcore" Pokmon crowd loves to make fun of the newer generations, claiming they lack the alluring magic and creativity of the original 151 pocket monsters. Apparently they forget all about the lazy, dumb sphere that is Voltorb.
Be the best
There are obviously plenty of other derpy, lazy, and generic Pokemon, but we had to cut it off eventually. What do you think? What other Pokemon do you think should have been included on the list? Let us know in the comments, below!
And if you're looking for more, check out what the original 151 Pokemon would taste like and the top 7 most disturbing thing about the Pokemon universe.