10 Steps to a Rhythm Heaven

To posses an inner metronome is a glorious thing; the dance floor becomes your domain; the lead role in the trash-wanging musical sensation Stomp is yours for the taking; you find that people will like you better as you bop on your merry way. Alas, we’re not all so blessed.

But the musically challenged need fear no longer - we’re here to help. Welcome to our ten-step program, turning the rhythmically bare into Fred Astaire, all with the power of gaming.

1) Free Bemani lessons
Jiving on GC’s Dance Dance Revolution will have your mind firing its synapses in 4/4 time, but for a cheaper intro to the joys of rhythmic arrow-stamping head to flashflashrevolution.com. It’s keyboard controlled and if “Flight of the Bumblebee” is anything to go by, composer Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov must have been one hell of touch-typist.

2) Limber wrists, Odama-style
Oddball pinball game, Odama was originally intended to contain a feature allowing a second player to plug in the GC bongos, and beat out a morale boosting rhythm for those troops stubbornly ignoring the first player’s mic yelping. The feature was dropped, but it doesn’t stop you from doing it anyway. It’s like being in feudal Japan, only with a pair of electronic bongos.