C-c-c-constitution breaker!
Imagine holding down a job where every single decision you made resulted in half the nation hating you. Congratulations, you're now a fully qualified politician. Of course most smart alecks are wise enough to know that any real government task is hard--maybe not Bruce Lee hard, but still pretty rock. Its somewhere between Ron Jeremy's enormous appendage and a particularly tricky exam.
Prime Minister / President The Prince (Prince of Persia)
What takes four years to fulfil a promise, but only six seconds to escape a scandal? That's right: your friendly neighbourhood bureaucrat. Like the automobiles of opposite-land, Earth's political elite moves that much faster in reverse; so much so that some officials even choose to moonwalk to work.
Defence Zachary Comstock (BioShock Infinite)
They say that when it comes to matters of defence, you're either a 'hawk' (read: super aggro) or a 'dove' (almost certainly stoned). If that's the case, then today's top men are roughly equivalent to some kind of gigantic, mechanized kill-bird. Speaking of which, BioShock's Zachary Comstock just so happens to command a right-wingers wet dream by the name of Songbird.
Transport Frogger (Frogger)
Transport is one tricky mistress--she wants to go steady, you want to go bumper to bumper. In either case, you're in for a monster pile-up sooner rather than later. Fortunately, most of our modern day politicians are well versed in the intricacies of the extramarital affair, having turned the houses of parliament into a middle-aged frat house circa 1986.
Education Dr. Kawashima (Brain Training)
There's something so laughably tragic about education, and no, it isn't all the lonely, half-mad teachers out there. Well maybe just a little. No, the great irony of the modern education system is that it arrives at precisely an age when absolutely no one cares about it. Kids just want to be kids, while teens are too busy twerking other teens: it's the circle of life, or something. I didn't really pay attention in biology.
Sport Mario (Super Mario Bros.)
There's nothing like having a tubby, breathless eccentric represent your nation's sporting ambition. Whether said bureau-fat is busy convincing kids to get active or ramping up hype ahead of an Olympic games, this particular position may just as well read "do as I say and not as I do". Hell, the entirety of world government could adopt that as a motto.
Culture Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
If there's 11 things the British do well, then shapely ladies digging up fossils is surely one of them. Just look at Kate Middleton, a real prim and proper globetrotter, married to a man who's actively aging in dog years. Then of course there's museums--the filling of which used to be considered something of a national pastime. Simply pinch a few prize pots from the Egyptians, Babylonians, or Assyrians and stick them in a stuffy old room. Bam: instant culture.
Finance Scrooge McDuck (DuckTales)
Every self-respecting politician knows to never burn through your cash faster than you can create a new and crazy tax to replace it. Is the tearoom running low on biscuits? Drat, better institute that anus tax. Is the nation declaring war on potted plants? Best charge a fee for breathing. It's this money-grubbing attitude that so reminds us of a certain Scrooge McDuck. Star of the classic NES platformer DuckTales, this million-dollar mallard would actually make for a pretty decent economist.
Energy Cole McGrath (inFAMOUS)
Energy: 'The great question of our age'... after war, religion, politics, and 'how did they manage to get this much cream in my clair?' The post of energy chief is without question one of the toughest positions in government today, what with all the industry fat cats pawing bribes and hordes of unwashed hippies declaring everything an impending super-Chernobyl.
Justice Phoenix Wright (Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney)
Contrary to what the movies might say, forming a vigilante mob is never a bright idea. The modern justice system is there for a reason, and no amount of wild pitchforking on your part is going to change that fact. Sadly some damnable scoundrels will always find a way to escape justice, though there's no need to light up the Bat-signal just yet.
A politician is you
"But hold on a minute GamesRadar", you begin yelling at your screen, "these characters are in no way qualified to hold office". Well, of course they're not--and that's exactly what makes this list so damned realistic. Did we miss out any must-have ministers, sensational senators, or evil overlords? Let us know in the comments below, or alternatively pop along to a local constituency meeting in your area--times are as follows: February 29th 2009, 2:00am to 2:01am. We look forward to seeing you there.
