AKA how to base the next seven days around science fiction and fantasy...
MONDAY 9 JANUARY
How are you finding 2012 so far? If the January grey is getting to you, fill your shopping basket with DVDs like Doctor Who: UNIT Files (it features "Invasion Of The Dinosaurs" and "The Android Invasion"); Studio Ghibli's take on The Borrowers , Arrietty (also out on Blu-ray); the BBC's take on The Borrowers , er, The Borrowers ; fun Norwegian found-footage movie Troll Hunter (also out on Blu-ray); and lame Jaws -meets- Tremors -without-being as-good-as-either monster flick Sand Sharks .
There's parkour in a future Paris in District 13 , Film4 9pm.
Meanwhile Watch kick off a repeat airing of Torchwood: Children Of Earth , 9pm.
American Horror Story continues on FX at 10pm, with episode nine. Only three more to go! Why not check out our American Horror Story episode reviews ?
TUESDAY 10 JANUARY
Your mission for the day: pick up SFX 's fantastic Unofficial Doctor Who Fanzine . It's on sale now, so it's not a daunting "hunt for the lost ark" type mission. Basically you have no excuse.
Ray Harryhausen provides giant crabs for 1961 Jules Verne movie Mysterious Island , More4 at 11.40am.
Quantum Leap 's on a constant loop on ITV4, but they're showing the last ever episode today at 6pm, should you fancy a good blub.
Hammer Dennis Wheatley adap The Devil Rides Out gets another run-out on the Horror Channel, 10.55pm.
Experience Total Recall again on Sky1 at 10pm. Surely the remake won't top it?
J-horror remake The Grudge is on ITV1 at 10.35pm.
WEDNESDAY 11 JANUARY
The brand new SFX 218 goes on sale – with your first hit of SFX of the year, 2012 just got a whole lot brighter. There's certainly no need to worry about Mayan prophecies...
Marianne Faithful and Penelope Keith are amongst the cast of 1974 British chiller Ghost Story , Horror Channel at 10.00am.
Quantum Leap starts all over again, with the pilot episode airing on ITV4 at 6pm.
If you've got Sky Arts 1 you can watch Terry Pratchett talking about his career on The Book Show at 6.30pm.
Will Smith shamelessly pimps Converse All Stars in Asimov adap I, Robo t (Film4, 9pm), while Samuel L Jackson takes on super-intelligent sharks in Deep Blue Sea (TCM, 9pm).
1976 Hammer horror To The Devil A Daughter is on the Horror Channel at 10.55pm.
Sean Connery stars in space-Western Outland , 2.30am on ITV1.
THURSDAY 12 JANUARY
A couple of paperback reissues come to bookshops, in the form of David Moody's Autumn: The City , and Rogue Moon by Algis Budrys.
The classic, original '50s version of The Day The Earth Stood Still is on Film4 at 2.50pm.
The second season premiere of Lost Girl is on Syfy at 9pm (check out our interview with star Kris Holden-Ried ), and the second episode of Eternal Law is on ITV1 - also at 9pm. But which is best? There's only one way to find out... (You know the rest.)
Fans of dodgy fantasy films, set your tellybox to ITV4: they're showing Highlander at 9pm, followed by Kull The Conqueror at 11.20pm.
It's the ultimate boogeyman rumble: Freddy vs Jason is on Film4 at 11.05pm.
FRIDAY 13 JANUARY
Lock up your firstborns! It's Friday the 13th!
Aliens come to Red Square in Russia-set invasion flick The Darkest Hour .
There's a pre-Apollo lunar mission in '50s classic Destination Moon , Film4 3.10pm.
A Doctor Who obsessive called Nigel is the subject of Dalek, I Love You Too, Radio 4 Extra at 6pm.
Those of you with sufficient wonga for Sky Movies Premiere can catch Limitless and Never Let Me Go, on at 8pm and 10pm.
Watch out for the projectile vomit! The Exorcist is on at 11pm on ITV4.
Stephen King's killer car Christine wreaks havoc over on Syfy, 11pm.
Terry Gilliam's The Brothers Grimm is on BBC1 at 11.30pm.
There's lesbian bloodsucking in Hammer's Lust For A Vampire , Horror Channel at 00.30am.
Sam Raimi's splatterific The Evil Dead kicks off at 1.30am on Syfy.
SATURDAY 14 JANUARY
'70s British chiller Ghost Story is on the Horror Channel again at 2pm.
Dino-sequel The Lost World: Jurassic Park is on ITV1 from 3.25pm.
Ben Aaronovitch, writer of Doctor Who 's "Remembrance Of The Daleks", wrote Blake's 7 audio The Early Years: Blood And Stone , on Radio 4 Extra at 6pm (and repeated at midnight).
Comparatively watchable Fantastic Four sequel 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer rides the wave on Channel 4, 7.45pm.
The superheroics continue as Ben Affleck stars in Daredevil , Film4 9pm.
Blade: Trinity is on Channel 4 at 11pm, which gives provides you a powerful incentive to turn over to Film4 and watch Guillermo del Toro's The Devil's Backbone .
Peter Cushing takes on vampiric Twins Of Evil - Horror Channel, 11.10pm.
SUNDAY 15 JANUARY
A four-part adaptation of Alan Garner's Elidor kicks off at 9am on Radio Four Extra, and is repeated at 4pm.
Martian deathrays scorch the Earth in the 1953 version of The War Of The Worlds - 3.10pm, Film4. Let's hope they didn't bring any Lemsip this time.
A 12-year-old boy is abducted by an alien spacecraft in '80s Disney flick Flight Of The Navigator - 4pm, Syfy.
Amicus anthology horror Torture Garden is on the Horror Channel at 4pm.
Ron Perlman takes on the role he was born to play in Hellboy , Channel 5, 6.40pm.
Tom Baker is the villain and Caroline Munro provides the eye-candy in The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad , 7pm on Watch.
Start cramming for next week's release of another Underworld movie at 11.25pm on Channel 4.
In 2006, 12 year-old Emily Hagins decided to make a zombie movie. Documentary Zombie Girl: The Movie tells her story - Sky Arts 1, 11.40pm.