Skip to main content

The Top 7... Worst scenes in Uwe Boll movies

The movie: A bunch of college kids go to a rave on a forbidden isle off the coast of Vancouver, where they’re immediately attacked by zombies and battle the centuries-old scientist who controls them. (To be fair, it's supposed to be a prequel to the games.)

Above: Note the ‘zombies’ at right, just sort of hanging out

The worst scene: If there’s one thing that videogames have taught us over the years, it’s that zombies, guns and bullet-time sequences can improve just about any experience. House of the Dead, however, will violently disabuse you of that notion with a climactic, seven-minute shootout that somehow manages to make zombies, guns and bullet time boring. Oh, and it also cuts to videogame footage that loosely relates to the onscreen action. A lot. Throughout the entire film. But especially here.

Above: OK, so far so… wait, what?

Then there are the film’s low-fi bullet-time effects, which are overused to the point of being hilarious – or they would be, if this scene weren’t dragging on for so damn long.

Above: Trust us, this shot makes even less sense in context

Of course, the scene’s crowning achievement is that – just when you think it’s about to be over – the hero, Rudy, witnesses one of his friends getting mauled by zombies. Rather than actually, you know, doing anything about it, Rudy bows his head and has a meaningless flashback to the entire fight that we just watched, which unspools rapidly from start to finish for God knows what unholy reason.

If you’ve actually watched all of the videos up until this point, then we figure you’re prepared for what we consider the single worst scene that Uwe Boll has ever produced. You’ve been warned:

And there you go. You've suffered through the worst the infamous director can throw at you. As a reward, here's a bonus video of Boll's brilliant parting shot from Postal:

Sep 22, 2008

The Least Faithful Movie Games
Game not fun enough? Make stuff up!

Kane & Lynch: How it feels to be critically panned
What's it like when several years of work are met with bad reviews and internet snark?

South Park's 9 best gaming moments
Our favorite games are goin' down

The Top 7... movie games that don't suck
Uncover your eyes and stop wincing - these actually got it right

After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.