These are just too good
Sometimes we all get stuck browsing the interwebs, reading random articles, watching YouTube videos, and shopping for things that we just don't need. That last one is actually quite the black hole of distraction and procrastination. But rather than help by trying to pull you out of it for the sake of productivity, I'm going to drag you down with me into the pit of unessential online shopping.
It probably began with my fascination with lightsaber replicas, but I always get caught up contemplating the finer points of geeky replicas. There are some pretty badass props out there. From gaming heroes' swords to iconic hand cannons, there's a ton of items to add to that useless, wall-mounted weapon rack full of fake weapons. Buy hey, they're awesome to look at right? Here are some of the most accurate, amazing, and tempting props to fill your home (and mine).
The Portal Gun
The Portal Gun is probably one of the most unique weapons in gaming - if you could even call it a weapon. It's able to shoot portals into solid surfaces, creating an instant doorway and an excellent gameplay mechanic for a first-person puzzler.
I don't even like Portal that much and I still want this thing. It looks so much like its in-game counterpart that it's crazy. Apart from actually shooting physics-tearing portals, it has it all: lights, sounds, stickers. Now you're playing with portals.
Half-Life 2's zero point energy field manipulator
Half-Life 2 is definitely one of the greatest shooters ever. Heck, it's one of the best games ever, period. To earn its title as king among shooters, it had to have some awesome weaponry right? Well, yes. The zero point energy field manipulator, better known as the gravity gun, gives players control over the world's physics like no other weapon in games had done before or since. Who knew it would be so fun to throw garbage at people's heads with extreme force?
How sweet would it be to have the gravity gun sitting on your coffee table. Just about everyone knows what Half-Life 2 is. Even guests who don't call themselves gamers might pick this thing up and start pretending to levitate your couch with it. Video game weapons don't get much more iconic than Gordon Freeman's gravity gun, so what's better than actually owning it?
Mass Effect's M6 Carnifex
The Mass Effect series has a ton of futuristic weaponry to pull from. There are guns with unlimited ammo, rocket launchers, and even black hole emitters. But for a personal, technologically advanced gun collection, sometimes simple is best.
If you played a Biotic class in the Mass Effect series, the M6 Carnifex was most likely your bread and butter. This replica is massive, weighs seven pounds, and even plays the sound effects so you don't have to make the "pew pew" noises yourself. Pair this with a replica Omni Tool, and you're set.
Gears of War's Lancer
Forget hanging Grandpa's old hunting rifle over the fireplace, you know what will really get people's attention? A fully-automatic rifle with a chainsaw sticking out from underneath the barrel.
Gears of War's Lancer became one of the most recognisable gaming weapons when the first title hit the store shelves. It became so iconic, Epic started selling full-size, limited edition replicas at the launch of the first sequel. You can get one now for a couple hundred bucks. It might not have an actual spinning bayonet blade, but it's still super fucking awesome.
BioShock Infinite's Skyhook
The skyhook is probably one of the most interesting items you can get in a shooter. It's like a hand held roller coaster car. Not only does it give you the thrill of flying across an environment mid-gunfight, its one of the most brutal killing machines in the game. And I want it in my collection. The replica linked below actually spins the hooks when you pull the trigger, though I wouldn't recommend trying to get it to work in real life. Hanging from a wire using a prop is ill advised. But having a Skyhook on display alongside the rest of these crazy weapons would make any collection feel more complete.
Dead Space 2's Plasma Cutter
Like the Boy Scouts say, "Always be prepared." And if you want to be prepared for everything, you're going to need a space-aged plasma cutter just in case an infestation of undead necromorphs crops up in your neighborhood (or if you decide to mine space rocks). Isaac Clark's limb-severing plasma cutter is hard to mistake and makes a pretty sweet addition to a display case.
In Dead Space, the plasma cutter's blade shifts from horizontal to vertical slicing modes, allowing Isaac to get a perfect chop on an approaching necromorph. The replica does the same, and even lights up the blue green laser lights when you pull the trigger. Looks legit.
What kind of video game weapon collection would be complete without a few iconic swords? WarCraft's Frostmourne is one of the most badass looking, awesome blades in gaming, and you can own one in real life. It's crazy. The detail on the sword is incredibly intricate - just look at how complicated it is to build one of these things.
How could you not want to own the sword that corrupted the golden boy prince Arthas, causing him to betray his friends, kill his father, and take the place of the Lich King on top the Frozen Throne. You can't even possess this sword in the digital world of WoW, but for a pretty penny, you can own it in the real one.
Kingdom Hearts' Keyblade
The Keyblade isn't much of a sword, more like an oddly shaped mace with a few nasty looking prongs. But hey, with a weapon as recognisable as the Keyblade, it's tough to pass up a full-size replica - especially because the real-life versions aren't very expensive compared to the other weapons on this list.
Sora's Keyblade is like the Excalibur of the Kingdom Hearts universe, coming only to people worthy of wielding it. I'm not going to get into the entire lore of keyblades, their wielders, and why their shaped like that (find that in our Kingdom Hearts history article). But if you need a totally awesome video game replica, the Keyblade is a classic.
God of War's Blades of Chaos
Kratos' Blades of Chaos are probably the most insane hand-to-hand weapons ever imagined. They're two monstrous knives attached to ten foot long chains, which are fused to a human being's forearms. And how do you kill things with them? Why, you swing them over your head and around your body creating a cyclone of spinning, razor-sharp blades, of course. On second thought, maybe I shouldn't recommend that readers bring these things into their homes.
Well, luckily the real life replicas of these death knives on chains aren't nearly as dangerous - unless you attach the chains to your arms and start swinging them around (please don't do that). When displayed on their stands (and not being swung around your head) the Blades of Chaos make pretty sweet decorations.
The Legend of Zelda's Master Sword
You can't talk about collecting video game weapons without mentioning the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda series. This is the ultimate hero's sword. It's the blade of evil's bane, the birthright of every green-garbed hero, and heck, one of the coolest sword designs ever conceived.
It's pretty easy to find a replica of the Master Sword, but honestly, some of them have pretty shoddy craftsmanship. Sometimes the shape isn't quite right, the paint jobs are questionable, and the steel just looks cheap. A legendary blade such as this deserves better. There have been some amazing Master Sword replicas out there as well, but this A Link to the Past version crafted by a Scottish smith for over $3,000 takes the cake. But if you can't afford that, this Master Sword ain't bad.
What's that credit card bill look like now?
Well, hopefully this article didn't derail you into a video game weapon shopping spree spanning the vast world wide web. But if it did, did you come across any particularly awesome video game replicas? What would you add to the list? How many game weapons do you have in your collection? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.