2. Revolution X
1994 | Arcade, SNES, Genesis, PlayStation, Saturn, PC
As hard as it is to believe today, there was once a time when it was almost credible that ancient rock bank Aerosmith might lead the world's youth in a violent uprising against fascist overlords. Interestingly, that time was not 1994, the year Midway chose to put out Revolution X. A bizarre combination of Aerosmith and shooting guys in the junk, it wowed scores of 1990s arcade-goers who were too dazzled by the game's buckets of exploding gore to realize what it was they were playing.
For the record, it was an on-rails lightgun shooter in which you commit mass murder in the name of Steven Tyler. Armed only with a machinegun (which also shoots CDs that are somehow more destructive than rockets), it's up to you to rid the world of the "New Order Nation" and its legions of stormtroopers, skulls made of toxic sludge and more stormtroopers, only this time they're wearing rollerskates. Why? Not because they've outlawed everything fun. Not because they've seized everyone between the ages of 13 and 30. But because they messed with Aerosmith. And nothing pisses off gun-toting teenagers like someone messing with Aerosmith. Right?
The creaky old rockers themselves - not really known for any prior association with ultraviolent carnage - guided the slaughter from behind the scenes, egging players on with endless loops of "Eat the Rich" and "Dude Looks Like a Lady." They'd also pop up on video screens from time to time, giving rousing speeches such as "These guys are maggots, they're putting chemicals in all our food!" and "Stop the New Order bus!"
Aerosmith aside, everything about Revolution X was cool at first - except for the fact that some home versions didn't actually support lightguns, and instead left players just guiding a cursor around the screen. But even in arcades, realization slowlycrept in. The songs, which played constantly, were really just 15-second, lyric-filled loops that forever burned the chorus of "Eat the Rich" into the brains of everyone who played. The violence was gruesome, but was so relentlessly repetitive that it just got numbing after a while. And the grueling boss fights moved at a snail's pace, thereby ensuring that they'd eat as many quarters as possible.
Did we say quarters? We meant the rich. Because I just can't see no humor / about your way of life / and I think I can do more for you / with this here fork and knife / Eat the rich / there's only one thing they're good for / eat the rich / take one bite now, come back for more / eat the rich / I gotta get this off my chest / eat the rich / take one bite now, spit out the rest.
See? Now imagine if we'd done that for about another six hundred damn paragraphs, with blood spraying all over your screen the whole time, and you'll have an inkling of what it was like to play Revolution X.
