The coat of a 1000 pockets...

Experience points

Tddllling! Attractiveness +10! Zing! Knowledge of internal combustion engine increased by 30%! Fa-zam! You levelled up your ability to lie convincingly to a loved one! Self improvement is big business, but we'd much rather get involved if the rewards were tangible, measurable increases to vital skills and abilities.

We don't want to wait until we're 80 to have maxxed out our levelling up potential. We want the sound of our bodies and minds reaching new levels of improvement to ring out through our daily lives.

That way we could focus on enhancing the most important parts of our lives, with satisfying milestones punctuating our efforts (zing!) and helping us to keep going. Especially if our experience points didn't go down - that way we'd never have to worry about getting worse at playing football by staying indoors shooting men in Call of Duty 4, or lose our ability to flip 10 bar coasters into our hands at once. Or forget how to feed and dress ourselves. Sweet, sweet XP.

Getting drunk only lasts 10 seconds

Cheeky pints of lager over lunchtime would no longer be career-ending disasters waiting to happen. We'd be able to have a pissed-up night on the lash with our buddies, before instantly sobering up on the way home, avoiding those awkward episodes of terrifyingly drunken conversation with non-inebriated loved ones. And, of course, it would end the need to nominate a designated driver for good. Whisky!