Here comes Muffin, Muffin the AT-AT! What’s that, Muffin? You want to do a dance for us? Well, your articulated legs will be handy for that. And since you’re the new electronic AT-AT, you can even flash your light-up lasers with real movie laser sounds for that authentic ’70s disco feel.
Sorry, Muffin? What’s that you say? You want to show off your other new features as well? Oh, Muffin. You know showing off is a bad example to set the children. But, all right. Just this once.
Oh look! Muffin’s side pulls down to reveal a console with a light-up video panel. And if you press his buttons, he’ll play you sound clips of dialogue from The Empire Strikes Back while that horrid Daft Invader person pops up on the screen. And if you press these button you get all kinds of authentic sound effects – AT-AT walking, snow speeder getting crushed, lasers... Oh you are a clever killing machine, Muffin. But that’s enough noise. You’ll give the children headaches.
Oh look! There’s a rope hanging like some limp genitals from a winch on Muffin’s underside. This lets your Luke figure – if you have one – climb up and into Muffin’s tummy for a stealth attack. But if you haven’t got a Luke figure, don’t worry, because Muffin comes with two exclusive figures of his own – an AT-AT Commander and driver. How lovely!
Oh look! Muffin’s showing us how much he costs. One step, £1; two steps, £2, three steps, £3,,, (Four hours later...)
We didn’t mind Muffin showing off at all, did we, children? Now get back in your box before you fire off those missiles and one of the brats sticks them up his nose.