Spoiler Zone review:
Star Trek: Enterprise “These are the Voyages...”
Original US airdate: 13/5/05
Written by: Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
Directed by: Allan Kroeker
The one where: Riker runs a holodeck simulation of the NX-01’s last mission.
The Future: Enterprise is about to return home to be decommissioned, and for Archer to make a speech at the formation of an intergalactic Alliance. But we’re actually watching Riker playing a “historical holoprogram”. He hopes to gain insights that’ll help him make a decision – the decision he faced in Next Gen ’s “The Pegasus” – whether to break an oath and tell Picard he was involved in tests on an illegal cloaked ship.
In the mission, Archer helps Shran recover his daughter, kidnapped by old business associates who believe he stole a valuable amethyst from them. Later, the aliens catch up with Enterprise and board it, threatening to kill Archer. Trip tricks the invaders into a trap, connecting two cables and causing an explosion that kills them. He dies later in sickbay.
Back on Earth, as Archer walks out to deliver his historic speech, Riker decides to confide in Picard, and utters the immortal words “computer, end programme”.
Review: Jolene Blalock’s proved to be an astute critic. She labelled this finale as “appalling”, and we agree. How bad is it? Here’s a couple of pointers: they kill Trip, and you don’t give a shit. And the dramatic highlight of the first half is watching T’Pol peel some carrots. Once again Berman and Braga fashion a sow’s ear out of a silk purse.
It’s pretty insulting to upstage your main cast in their farewell by importing a couple of Next Gen stars. It’d be forgivable if Riker and Troi had anything to contribute. They don’t. Riker spends half the time sitting on his arse watching, and the other half masquerading as the ship’s cook. These sequences in particular are mindnumbingly tedious. One by one, the characters line up to roll dough with Riker and blather on about nothing. None of the characters seem to have changed in the years that have passed, and you learn nothing interesting about them.
Why set the Riker bits during Next Gen ’s run, instead of showing us what he’s doing now? Why is T’Pol on the verge of blubbing throughout – are they deliberately punishing Jolene Blalock? Trip’s dumb death is the final insult. Killed by a short-circuit?! Come on! Couldn’t they think of anything nobler than that?
The cast and the fans deserved a proper farewell. This is like spitting in their face.
Dialogue: Trip: “It’s been a hell of a run... I never thought it would come to an end.”