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Ray Cooney’s execrable film adaptation of his long-running stage comedy about a London cabbie with two unsuspecting wives doesn’t even count as a missed opportunity.

Vanity project is nearer the mark, thanks in part to the gallery of “theatre chums” the veteran farceur has press-ganged into contributing cameos.

Cliff Richard as a busker, Judi Dench as a bag lady, Lionel Blair as a gay neighbour (not to mention Russ Abbot, Richard Briers, Ray Winstone, Sylvia Syms and Rolf Harris)... it’s one long, laughter-averse ordeal studded with D-listers short of panto work.

The leads are no better, Danny Dyer, Denise Van Outen and Sarah ‘Girls Aloud’ Harding giving performances that’ll make you run for the exit.

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Neil Smith

Neil Smith is a freelance film critic who has written for several publications, including Total Film. His bylines can be found at the BBC, Film 4 Independent, Uncut Magazine, SFX Magazine, Heat Magazine, Popcorn, and more.