Outlanders review

London: home to Liz, Lock, Stock and them Mail-bugging immigrants who flock to the UK’s shores to offer better lives for the folks back home. Wow. What bastards.

One such immigrant is Polish Adam (Jakub Tolak, puppy-eyed), who follows older brother Jan (Przemyslaw Sadowski, Van Damme-alike) to the Big Smoke after his father dies. But Jan’s been hardened by years of unremitting struggle; can Adam trust him? And what of new Russian sweetheart Anna (Alexis Raben)?

TV director Dominic Lees’ uncompromisingly drab drama plays for gritty thrills, but unravels its self-consciously relevant yarn at a crawl that kills any tension-leavening spills.

The gorgeous cinematography means this is a polished attempt at a bigger canvas, but ultimately Lees’ film is just The Bill on the big screen.