There's a reason most people don't bother to watch the entire Oscars ceremony each year, and that's because - unless you're up for an award yourself (like this weekend's list of potential Oscar winners 2018) - they can be a pretty dry affair. The jokes are naff, the speeches are long, and the red carpet interviews aren't particularly interesting. Plus, if you're in the UK (like me), it's all happening at an ungodly hour of the morning too! Nah, I'll just go to bed and check out the highlights in the morning, thank you very much...
Unless... you're introducing alcohol into the equation? Well, that's a different story entirely. Drinks promise the opportunity for drinking games, Oscars-style, and this year's Oscars 2018 ceremony is no different. Scroll on below for a list of drinking game rules for you and your friends to abide to during this year's ceremony, but please, be more Jay Gatsby than Jack Sparrow and drink responsibly!
Sip your drink whenever the orchestra tries to play someone off stage
Let's face it, every actor enjoys the limelight to some extent or another, and you're damn straight they're going to use up all their allotted speaking time when the award bells start ringing. Suffice to say, you may be sipping a lot as the evening goes on. That said, Daniel Day Lewis doesn't strike me as a real chatterbox, so let's hope he wins Best Actor in a Leading Role for the sake of your kidneys.
Take a hearty swig if the camera catches someone in the audience nodding off
It doesn't happen too often, but every now and again some eagle-eyed camera man spies a well-respected thespian heading into dreamland during the ceremony. The best part is when the person next to them realises the blunder and quickly gives them a nudge to wake them up, inadvertently making matters worse by capturing their expressions of surprise and embarrassment all at once. If that happens, I suggest taking another swig just to acknowledge the moment.
Fill up your glass whenever Jimmy Kimmel makes fun of last year's Moonlight moment
I mean, he has to, right? You can't talk about the Oscars anymore without referring to the biggest slip-up in the history of awards shows. Whether Kimmel's jokes will be funny is another question altogether, but at least you'll be slightly more humoured once the alcohol's started to work its magic.
Down your drink when someone trips up, accidentally swears, or misses their cue
These sorts of fumbles are inevitable, but hopefully not so frequent that you'll start seeing more stars in your head than on the TV screen. Luckily for you, Jennifer Lawrence - queen of the endearing faux pas - isn't nominated this year, so the risk of repeated blunders is minimal.
Take another gulp if you've actually *seen* the winning foreign language film
Seriously, have that drink. You've earned it. There are plenty of us who like the idea of being someone who watches Oscar-winning foreign films, but if you can truthfully say you've seen this year's nominees, you deserve a pat on the back. But we're not playing the pat on the back game, so you'll have to make do with a drink instead.
Drink for five seconds whenever a celebrity is in on the joke for a "bit"
It's a ritual tradition at this point. There will be staged jokes, and celebrities will be in them. It might look like a spontaneous bit of improv, but I can assure you that someone, somewhere, has been preparing this sketch for months. Seeing as Kimmel's back for hosting duties again, it's likely that Matt Damon will be this year's primary skit target, especially as he's not up for any awards himself this year.
Make a toast whenever Get Out wins another award
The fact that Get Out is even nominated at all is a fantastic surprise for this year's Oscars, so the prospects of winning gold for Jordan Peele's social thriller is worth celebrating in and of itself. If it makes the cut and brings home the little guy, celebrate in style with an impromptu toast amongst the living room.
Take two sips when a losing nominee shows clear signs they were robbed
The growling stare. The pursed lips. The distinct lack of clapping. You'll know it when you see it. Considering that their entire careers revolves around the art of performance, it's amazing that actors are so bad at hiding their disappointment whenever they lose the Oscar to someone else. The best you can do to cheer them up is by drinking in their honour.
Call it a wrap if they announce the wrong Best Picture winner again
That's it. We've reached critical mass. There's no amount of fluids you can intake to justify the absurdity of this happening again. If it does, you're better off just calling the whole game off and going to bed. We can only hope they're not short-sighted enough to bring back Warren Beatty for announcement duties.
Finish your drink once it's all over
You made it! The awards are handed out, and their recipient's egos are well and truly stroked. Congratulations; finish up whatever's in your glass and call it a night. Now where's that Oscar for slogging through all three hours of the ceremony?
Looking for more Academy Awards inspired viewing? Here's the best Oscar-winning movies you should watch before you die.