On A Date With Robert Pattinson

"He seems to be styled by Hugo Boss," wrote our Features Ed. Jonathan Dean in his review for the Twilight DVD . "He has immaculate Shockwaves hair. He has eyes that can change colour." And, capping it off, he added: "He’s fricking gorgeous after all."

We can't disagree. So when the chance came up to take Rob out for a quiet romantic meal for two, we jumped at the chance like a vampire leaping up a tree.

Hi there Rob. We’re so happy you invited us out. After all, you must have hordes of screaming girls following you around all the time, and you picked us. Do you even look at your fan sites?

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I’m aware of them but it would be so easy to be obsessed with that stuff and then not do anything else – which I did do for a time!

The weird thing is that because you’re at the eye of the storm, you don’t notice what’s going on. But when there are eight-year-old girls standing there trembling and crying, that’s a very strange thing to be a part of.

[The waiter approaches. Buzz orders a bottle of blood red Rioja] Wine goes straight to our head, so don’t let us drink too much, will you? So, were you ever obsessed with anyone?

I really liked Ian Wright when I was younger. I used to always try and get the double of his sticker for my sticker album.

Not quite what we meant. Never mind. Where has that waiter got to with the wine? Maybe you should have a word, go a bit Christian Bale on him?

Where has that waiter got to with the wine? Maybe you should have a word, go a bit Christian Bale on him? Yep, that’s just how I speak to people on set. I say to the craft service person, “Where the FUCK are the M&M’s?! You’re a fucking AMATEUR!”

You have an angry side? We like that. You have a sensitive side too – in your next movie, Little Ashes, you play a young Salvador Dali struggling with his feelings for playwright Lorca (Javier Beltrán).

In an ideal world, people would always be searching out those tiny art films but it’s nice that Twilight fans are looking forward to Little Ashes.

I wanted to do it to break down what I thought I could do, but Dali is incredibly self-conscious throughout the movie so I thought all the nude scenes and stuff worked with me being nervous anyway.[page-break]

Nude scenes! Although, are you saying your first on-screen sex scene is with a bloke?

We both refused to shave before doing it...

This is a big turn-on... Wait, err... what?

...It’s very uncomfortable in terms of scratching each other with our stubble – it made me feel sorry for women!

Stubble. On your face. Riiiight... So can we talk about Twilight sequel New Moon?

Edward and Bella’s reunion in New Moon is good. It’s different from the book so I think people will be happy.

This movie will have a very different mood. In visual terms it’s going to be so different from Twilight. It’s also a lot scarier. Chris [Weitz, New Moon director] is very willing to go down that route.

So, are they going to tie you up in that harness again for the sequel?

Luckily, I just have to get beaten up in this one!

And then we could tend to you, stroke your hair and gaze into your eyes until you can walk again. Wait. Where are you going? Robert!! Where’s that wine?!?

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The Total Film team are made up of the finest minds in all of film journalism. They are: Editor Jane Crowther, Deputy Editor Matt Maytum, Reviews Ed Matthew Leyland, News Editor Jordan Farley, and Online Editor Emily Murray. Expect exclusive news, reviews, features, and more from the team behind the smarter movie magazine.