All things must end, and after five years Merlin ’s final episode is nearly upon us. The sense of anticipation is near tangible and our ever-hopeful seeker of spoilers is bursting with excitement. Although he’s spent the past 12 weeks managing to extract little more than gibberish from the Great Dragon, he ventures once more into the cave of secrets in the hope of gleaning some information about “The Diamond Of The Day, Part 2.” Yeah, right…
“Great Dragon. Oh, Great Dragon.”
“I am here, young seeker.”
“Aw, you look so sad. Is it because this shall be the last time we ever meet?”
“No. Certainly not. Despite what you may believe, we are not having some Merlin and Arthur-style bromance.”
“Then why the long face?”
“Is that supposed to be funny?”
“Erm…?”
“Barman? Horse? Why the long face?”
“…”
“Oh never mind. I am sad, dear boy, because it is the last episode of Merlin .”
“Ah, it’s a weepie, then.”
“I never said that. But it’s always sad when a great show ends. Especially one I’m in.”
“So, is it any good?”
“Well, it’s certainly full of surprises. And not predictable. And has an ending that is the stuff of legends. People will remember this episode for a long time indeed.”
“Blimey, I thought it was going to be 40 minutes of battling, then Merlin having to reveal himself as a sorcerer to save Arthur, then all back to Camelot for a piss up.”
“It most definitely is not that. There’s a lot, lot more to it than that.”
“Details! I need details!”
“You’re asking me ?”
“Well, okay, vague hints then.”
“I suppose it’s okay to confirm there is a battle… after all, it began before the cliffhanger in the previous episode. Viewers might be a pit peeved if this episode opened with the battle all done and dusted. And what a battle it is! It's not just more of the same. It’s bigger, broader, more brutal. There are only 31 words of English dialogue in the first six minutes. And I could probably tell you all of them, because they don’t mean much out of context. But I won’t.”
“Just one!”
Know.”
“Pleeeaaassseee!”
“Is that ‘know’, or ‘no’?”
“Come to think of it, yes.”
“Eh.”
“There you are, you got a free extra word. ‘No’ and ‘know’.”
“I’m, er, no grateful.”
“Anyway, Gwen puts some different talents to good use, for a change. She actually has a major role in the episode, and her destiny may be the most surprising of all. And you know I’ve been teasing you these past weeks about ‘Gwen’ guessing the truth, and you’ve assumed I’ve meant she’s guessed Merlin has magic, but what I really mean is that she’s guessed he hasn’t done the laundry or something…”
“Hurumph… yes!”
“Well, Gwen guesses the truth.”
“What, really this time?”
“Like I’m going to tell you that. Oh, I do love a running gag.”
“Come on! More! This is so exciting!”
“Gwaine gets to be truly heroic. Percival puts his strength to good use. There’s a quest – of sorts. Something unusually brutal and unexpected happens in the first ten minutes. In fact, there’s a lot of grim stuff going on, including another hanging. Remember when this was thought of as a kids’ show? Well, not sure what the parents think of a kids show where the heroes order a hanging every other episode, but it’s good drama!”
“Blimey sounds fraught.”
“I will tell you it’s a weepy. There will be many a throat/lump conjunction around the country. What I won’t tell you is whether it’s tears of joy or tears of sadness. Maybe it’s both. But emotions run high.”
“But there must be final confrontations. Morgana and Mordred must meet sticky ends?”
“You have thought so wouldn’t you?”
“I hate you sometimes.”
“I do my best. I will tell you this, though. Some people may not be totally satisfied with some conclusions. That’s the collateral damage of doing something unexpected.”
“Is there lots of magic?”
“More than usual.”
“And bromance?”
“More than usual.”
“And some deaths?”
“Loads. Loads and loads and loads. Lots of extras in the battle.”
“No! I meant the main characters.”
“I know you did. And you know I will not answer that.”
“So. This is it, then?”
“This, as you say, is it. My work here is done. I’m off to do some motion capture for the second Hobbit film now.”
“I’m sad.”
“Don’t be. It’s only a TV show.”
“No, I’m sad because I was hoping you’d stick around to do Doctor Who spoilers next year.”
“Ah, now don’t you think that might be stretching a running joke a little too far. Excuse my while I fly off into the sunset. No stock footage this time. A new money shot of my scaly arse vanishing into the distance. Bye bye, young spoiler seeker. Bye bye.”
Merlin , “The Diamond Of The Day, Part 2” airs on BBC One on Christmas Eve at 8.15pm
• Read our review of Merlin “The Diamond Of The Day, Part 1”
