GamesRadar Ultimate Character Battle! - Day 1

FROM: Mortal Kombat series/Starfox series

Fox does a barrel roll and uses the boost to get through. This takes him out of bounds, and Sub-Zero wins by forfeit. Flawless victory! Banality!

FROM: Donkey Kong Country 3/Duke Nukem series

Dixie tries to use her helicopter ponytail bullshit to jump on Duke Nukem's head. Duke, unfazed, shows her his "Dixie" and mercilessly whales on her bongos. Nukem wins. Can you believe this was written by college graduates?

FROM: Heavenly Sword/The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction

HULK SMASH. Nariko fails to save the PS3. Hulk wins.

FROM: Half-Life series/Duck Hunt

The dog laughs. Gordon bashes his head in with a crowbar. Everyone laughs.

FROM: Castlevania series/Okami

Amaterasu uses her paintbrush to paint a really gay-looking mustache on Simon’s face. The paint contains traces of peanuts. Simon, allergic to peanuts, goes into anaphylactic shock and dies. Painty wolf wins.