The sicko inside me desperately needs to play this ludicrous horror game that retells Dante’s Inferno through the power of anime girls

Little Goody Two Shoes developer AstralShift recently announced its next title, Hell Maiden, which AstralShift says is an "action-packed" retelling of Dante's Inferno starring a gorgeous anime girl who I'd be happy to marry, if I must.

"L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle," or "a love that moves the sun and other stars," begins Hell Maiden's teaser trailer, which borrows the sugar-soaked line from Paradiso, the final section of the Divine Comedy. A pulsing red heart appears behind it, twisted in barbed wire that holds a burning candle.

For the rest of the trailer, AstralShift flashes previews of what's to come in Hell Maiden quickly, like a twitching eyeball: haloed angels swimming around the sun, a woman's outstretched hand breaking through a white rose, a falling star – no, a girl with fire in her eyes – raining down from the snowcaps of heaven.

In other words, I'm going to lose my mind. AstralShift hasn't yet shared much information about Hell Maiden's content yet, though it provides a short description of the game on the new Hell Maiden Twitter account: "Remembered as a grand poet of the Renaissance, Dante Alighieri once again embarks on a journey through the afterlife — this time, however, as one of Hell’s many sinners." Dante, in this case, being the aforementioned anime girl, whose black hair makes the shape of a giant bow while her dress is covered in brass buckles.

As a girl, my truest dream was to become a Medieval poetess who harnessed the powers of good and evil. (Before that I wanted to be a ballerina who was a mouse.) So I'm fully expecting Hell Maiden to become the game that ruins all others for me, and I can't wait.

The Helltaker creator has a new free game with ghost girls instead of demon girls, and after less than a month it's got over 9,000 Steam reviews at 96% positive.