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Essential ingredients for video game sequels

Walking, running, jumping, crouching... they're all physical-based abilities introduced in the first game. Swimming, however, is strictly reserved for the sequel. This is because swimming animations are hard to do, so the animator dude will be grateful for the extra time to work on those tricky arm movements.


If the single-player's great, then some obligatory multiplayer and co-op options will be even more great. Everyone knows that more people equals more fun. Right? Just ensure that alongside the usual, predictable gubbins - like King of the Hill and Capture the Flag - you also throw in some new, exciting sounding one-word modes. A lot of the best words have already been snagged - like Assassination, Extraction, Demolition, Execution and Domination - but there are lots of other suitable words out there. Exfoliation, Decapitation, Lubrication, and Defecation. That's four that we just thought of without really thinking about it too hard. But we know they'd all make really great multiplayer modes.

New love interest

Nothing is more of a turn-off for gamers than seeing their virtual hero knocking about with the same shag sack for more than one game. The main character should embody a player's own aspirations. I to the E - having multiple encounters with many different opposite-sex partners. A steady relationship isn't what gamers want from their leading characters. They want a different love interest/nice bit of eye candy for every new game. Starting with the sequel.

New and exciting modes of transport

Any developer that neglects to include motorbikes in the sequel is admitting that they have zero idea about what gamers want. If a series extends beyond one release then the inclusion of motorbikes is compulsory. It's the first thing they teach at the school of how to make games. Of course, if a 1000cc Kawazaki doesn't fit the context of the game, motorbikes can be replaced with dragons, skidoos, ornithopters or a rip off of those bike things that the Ewoks can't control for shit in Return of the Jedi.

January 29, 2010

Because they make sequels better

Cut through the crap before it's even released

GTA V, Halo: Reach, Arkham Asylum 2, Modern Warfare 3...