The Top 7... Lamest party games

How you know it’s a “party”: Um, have you checked out the Wii shelf at your local game store lately? Not just a cursory glance, but actually walked up close and absorbed the full library of titles?

The lame reality: Frightening, right? What was once the proud new home of gaming’s most beloved mascots has – over the past couple of years – devolved into a nightmarish wasteland of cheap, casual crap with lazy concepts and even lazier design. We’re not talking merely bad ports or family friendly fare here… we’re talking about super depressing stuff like Neighborhood Games, Carnival Games and Pong Toss: Frat Party Games. Sure, Mario’s still in there somewhere, but you’ll have to dig through a glut of terrifying titles like Family Party: 30 Great Games and Six Flags Fun Park to rescue him. Both Link and Samus are around, too, but right next to both Go Play Lumberjack and Go Play Circus Star.

Don’t let the familiar white packaging fool you; these things have more in common with the free PC browser apps made popular by bored receptionists everywhere than with the granddaddies of Nintendo party games, Mario Party and WarioWare. We know they’re not published by the famous company itself, but come on… whatever happened to quality control? Each of these cost a gullible, unsuspecting parent at least $20, and often much more. It’s a scam, masquerading as classic Nintendo fun.

Worst excuse for a minigame game: If we had to choose a single Wii party game to represent the whole sorry lot, this would be the obvious winner…

Game. Party. Really? You simply flipped the genre’s two-word name and called it a day? Oh! And made enough money to justify a Game Party 2 and a Game Party 3, huh? Well, isn’t that something… could you please excuse us while we go punch ourselves in the faces to help make the pain go away? Thanks.

60 seconds (from multiple Wii games) to ensure you’ll never ever play…

Oct 12, 2009

An interactive tour through Prince's dream home? A text adventure about Beatles lyrics? That's just the beginning

Before graphics, all we had were words... and our incredibly desperate imaginations

Warning: Simulating these activities may impair your ability to stay awake