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50 Movie Character Resolutions

Maximus Decimus Meridius

The Character: Roman general and heir apparent to the Emperor's throne. However, life isn't always fair.

The Resolution: To have his vengeance against Commodus for murdering his family, in this life or the next.

Chances Of Sticking To It: He's got the motive. Giving him a gladiator's sword and sending him to Rome provides the opportunity.

Marty McFly

The Character: High-school bum whose friendship with eccentric Doc Brown inadvertently causes him to travel in time to 1955 in a customised DeLorean.

The Resolution: To get back - to the future!

Chances Of Sticking To It: Should be OK, provided he can get his parents to fall in love and find a suitable source of power to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of energy required by the time machine.

Hit Girl

The Character: Schoolgirl killer, trained by Big Daddy as an unstoppable assassin.

The Resolution: To stop swearing at school. She might be able to handle legions of armed bad guys, but detention is another matter.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Not fucking likely.

Ron Burgundy

The Character: Star anchorman for San Diego's KVWN Channel 4 news. A man's man, and an ace with the jazz flute.

The Resolution: To stop new co-anchor Veronica Corningstone from stealing his throne. The newsroom is no place for a woman.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Not good. The march of history is giving women equal rights. Besides, Ron kinda fancies her.

King Kong

The Character: Giant ape and de facto sovereign of Skull Island; kidnapped and brought to New York.

The Resolution: To get home, preferably with that hot blonde who keeps giving him the eye.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Oops, wrong turn. He appears to have clambered up the Empire State Building.

Tony Montana

The Character: Criminal gobshite kicked out of Cuba and intent on grabbing America by the balls.

The Resolution: To get the money. That way, you also get the power, then the women. Triple win.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Getting to the top shouldn't be too hard. Staying there, however, will depend on Tony being able to resist getting high on his own supply.

Carrie White

The Character: Mousy high school kid with an overbearing religious zealot for a mother and a sideline in telekinetic party tricks.

The Resolution: To prove to Mom that she can enjoy her prom night without anybody laughing at her.

Chances Of Sticking To It: It's probably not what she had in mind, but slaughtering anybody who raises a giggle should curb the comedy factor.

Darth Vader

The Character: Dark Lord of the Sith, the Emperor's right-hand man, and daddy to twins.

The Resolution: To be a better father.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Short-term, yes - he's overthrown the Emperor! Long-term, sort of - he's dead and will have to do his bonding with Luke and Leia from beyond the spirit world.

Tyler Durden

The Character: Anti-capitalist guru, mean fighter and figment of a yuppie's imagination.

The Resolution: To replace his generation's squandered potential by sticking it to the man with Project Mayhem.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Certain. The Narrator doesn't even realise he's responsible. The financial district is going to burn.

Steve Zissou

The Character: Award-winning oceanographer and filmmaker, now in mourning after his best friend was chewed to death by a jaguar shark.

The Resolution: To find the shark and destroy it, possibly with dynamite.

Chances Of Sticking To It: Terrible. Zissou is a softy at heart, especially when his cynical heart is thawed by the love of the son he never knew he had.