8 Things You Want to Know About Too Human

Too Human has been "a long time coming," Silicon Knights front man Denis Dyack laments at the Game Developers Conference Too Human press event. While the game has been in the works for practically forever, generating tons of press and dozens of previews (likethis one), no one really seems to know much about Too Human.

So we came up with this handy list to answer all the questions you ought to be asking about one of the most controversial games never played:

1) What kind of game is it, exactly?
A lot of fuss has been made about Too Human being a game that defies genre - the first of it’s kind to transcend such labels as "shooter" or "action-adventure." Such bold statements have generated most of the hype behind Too Human.

The reality, though? This game is a fancy button-mashing combo-baiter with some throwback RPG elements tossed in, la-dee-freaking-da.

2) Is this game worth all the hype?
From what we saw in the demo, no. This game is the victim of bad press, sure; but it’s hardly the messiah of shooters, the great revolutionary of strategy, or World of Warcraft.

3) Are there any hot chicks?
Yeah… sort of. We saw strippers less than 5 minutes into the opening cutscene. But the rest of the cast… is hideous. We’ll start with the first pair of tits we saw: the evil red-head cybernetic chick. Her exposed cleavage - made up of wire and moving mechanical parts - made the guy next to us cringe in disgust. Then we met Freyja, fellow Norse deity (and we guess on-time lover) of Baldur. In real life, Freyja was blonde and beautiful; in Too Human, she’s blonde and strangely waxy. We were ready to give the whole game the benefit of the doubt - but then we ran into the 3 chicks living inside the cyberspace world. Technically, they’re not people, but evolved A.I. that function as a sort of wise women trio that help the gods figure things out (like how to open doors and read runes). These girls were pug fugly - especially the one with the melted face who stabs herself and starts talking all sexy. Yuck.

Above: Is that a chick in the background...?

(Remember, kids, this was a preview build and the graphics aren’t final. So there’s hope yet for Too Human’s too ugly chicks.)