The Change-Up
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
The Bad Movie: Lady shags vampire. Lady gets pregnant. Baby wants bloood. [A PG-13 film.]
How To Make It Better: The material is screaming out to be remade as a proper, gore-soaked exploitation pic. Dario Argento would have a field day.
Sucker Punch
The Bad Movie: According to Zack Snyder, a surreal satire of cinema's attitude to women. According to everybody else, a 15-year-old's wet dream of second-hand action scenes and fetishwear.
How To Make It Better: The film that Snyder has been bigging up actually sounds awesome - but it'd need David Lynch to make it work.
Killing Bono
The Bad Movie: Two Irish teenagers get the hump when classmate Bono becomes the biggest rock star in the world, and they're stuck making a sub-Richard Curtis comedy.
How To Make It Better: Should have gone straight to the sequel, Killing Chris Martin.
How To Stop Being A Loser
The Bad Movie: A title that's just begging to be answered, "stop making films whose model of inspiration is Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps ."
How To Make It Better: Call it How To Stop . And then take that advice.
Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The Bad Movie: Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) has escaped from Keira and Orlando, but finds that a new adventure with Blackbeard (Ian McShane) and his daughter (Penelope Cruz) is just as dull and bloated as earlier sequels.
How To Make It Better: Starting again with a new director and largely new cast was supposed to be a shot in the arm. Stick to the brief: simplify the plot, trim the running time and make it fun.
Mars Needs Moms
The Bad Movie: "Hey kids, wanna see a movie?" Not if it revolves around the threat of the target demographic's mothers being kidnapped. And especially not if the mo-capped characters look creepy to begin with.
How To Make It Better: Pixar's short film Lifted did the alien invasion thing with brevity, charm and wit - and without terrorising the kids.
Demons Never Die
The Bad Movie: A bunch of yoofs decide to commit mass suicide - but then a slasher decides to do it for them. A bunch of yoofs decide to commit mass suicide - but then a slasher decides to do it for them.
How To Make It Better: Heathers meets Halloween . If only.
Anuvahood
The Bad Movie: Aspiring MC Kenneth (Adam Deacon) wants to give up his job at Laimsbury's, but life's hard, innit? Proof that the Americans don't have the monopoly on poor spoofs, this could've been called Street Movie .
How To Make It Better: Add aliens - Attack The Block proved that urban clichés can be mocked without a film shanking itself.
The Dilemma
The Bad Movie: Vince Vaughn is in two minds whether to tell best bud Kevin James his wife's having an affair. Director Ron Howard, meanwhile, can't decide if this is comedy or drama. Answer: it succeeds at neither.
How To Make It Better: Make your mind up, Ron - preferably by keeping Jennifer Connelly and replacing everyone else with dramatic stars.
