Clash Of The Titans (1981)
Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl (2003)
The Movie Bird: A nameless Parrot owned by pirate Cotton.
The Awesome: Cotton cut his own tongue out, which makes it a bit difficult for him to talk. Handily he has his own vocal parrot who’s more than happy to do the talking for him.
If We Had To Cook Them: Surely an animal that can talk is blessed with some sort of sentience, and should therefore be spared the oven?
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
The Movie Bird: A pure white dove.
The Awesome: It’s priceless for starters. But it’s also possessed of an uncannily shrewd intelligence, considering its ability to completely elude capture.
Though that could be saying more about Ace Ventura’s limited intellect...
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d have to catch him first...
Scary Movie 2 (2001)
The Movie Bird: Another parrot, gifted with speech.
The Awesome: “Fuckin’ tease.” It’s not often you get to hear a parrot with a vocabulary so rich that it can basically hold full conversations – all peppered with profanities. But this parrot well and truly broke the mould. Good times.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d record it saying some really filthy sentences first, just so we can remember him fondly.
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
The Movie Bird: Your everyday malevolent crow.
The Awesome: The spy/slave of evil sorceress Maleficent, this unnamed crow is a shrewd, self-important flocker who takes full advantage of being his mistress’ favourite follower. He gets turned into stone by a fairy.
If We Had To Cook Them: It’d have to be before he was turned to stone. Bit difficult to make an appetiser out of solid rock.
The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh (1977)
The Movie Bird: Owl, which happens to be this chap’s name and species.
The Awesome: He’s meant to be really old and wise, but really Owl is anything but. His wisdom tends to be seriously flawed, though he generally means well. Generally.
If We Had To Cook Them: He’s just a cartoon, which means we’d need a cartoon saucepan first.
The Legend Of The Guardians (2010)
The Movie Bird: Soren, a fledgling Barn Owl.
The Awesome: Starting out as a naive youngster who dreams of greatness, Soren becomes a fearsome warrior as he fights to save his family from evil flyers who want to colonise all owls under their own regime. He also looks wicked cool soaring in slow motion.
If We Had To Cook Them: He’s a bit scrawny, to be honest, though the bladed armour might come in handy in the kitchen.
Rio (2011)
The Movie Bird: A spix Macaw, and resident of Minnesota.
The Awesome: Rio is adorably inept and wimpy, so comfortable in his domestic bliss that he hasn’t even properly learned to fly.
His attempts to woo fellow Macaw Jewel also bring out the bumbling romantic in him. Which makes us go mac-awwww.
If We Had To Cook Them: We'd cook him while performing a Portugese jig.
Damien: Omen II (1978)
The Movie Bird: A sinister-looking crow.
The Awesome: This crow’s evil knows no bounds. First it causes an elderly lady to suffer a heart attack, then it attacks another woman in the street. Which makes it one heck of a fighting machine.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d be afraid its evil spirit would come back to haunt us, so we won’t even bother trying.
Paulie (1998)
The Movie Bird: A blue-crowned conure named Paulie.
The Awesome: There’s perfect English, and then there’s perfect bird English, which Paulie possesses. He’s also a friendly spirit (“Do you realise we’re both naked?”) who’s not without a decent sense of mischief.
If We Had To Cook Them: We'd get the girl to do it - she obviously wants to, just look at that look in her eyes. You can almost hear her thinking "that'll taste nice with chips".
