Up (2009)
The Movie Bird: Kevin, a big bird based on the male Himalayan monal pheasant.
The Awesome: He’s a BFB – that’s 'big friendly bird' to you and I – and possesses a winning penchant for cheekiness (see his initial chocolate thievery).
Also, he’s got the nattiest multi-coloured feathers this side of Joseph's technicolour dreamcoat. And he's called Kevin. Which frankly is the best name we've ever heard for a bird.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d be able to feed a family of five for a week.
The Crow (1994)
The Movie Bird: Funnily enough, a black crow that shares its name with a returned-from-the-dead avenger-guitarist named Eric.
The Awesome: As legend tells it, crows are blessed with the power to return a soul to its body even after a person has died.
Which is exactly what this crow does for Eric, whose fiancée has been murdered by druggy thugs. Crow slow-mo never looked so beautiful.
If We Had To Cook Them: We wouldn’t dare.
Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert (1994)
The Movie Bird: Three very tall, glittery ostriches.
The Awesome: Okay, they’re not real birds, but inanimate costumes worn by performing drag queens Tick, Bernadette and Adam.
But there’s no denying the detail is amazing – not to mention the audacity of such outlandish stage garb.
If We Had To Cook Them: These are rather better suited to table placings than actual food.
The Little Mermaid (1989)
The Movie Bird: A seagull, this one called Scuttle.
The Awesome: An adorable nincompoop, Scuttle likes to think he’s ever-so educated when it comes to human affairs.
Instead, his attempts to explain the use for items that mergirl Ariel fishes out of shipwrecks are completely off the mark – but admirably inventive.
If We Had To Cook Them: He should come with a side of crab.
The Birds (1963)
The Movie Bird: A menagerie of different types, though mostly evil-looking black ones.
The Awesome: Thanks to an unexplained phenomena, the birds in a small California town all become homicidal maniacs, killing the town’s residents in various gory ways.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d have to survive their pecking little beaks first. But a nice pie would probably serve them well, with lots of sugar to balance out their bitter evil after taste.
The Jungle Book (1967)
The Movie Bird: A quartet of opportunistic, flesh-eating vultures.
The Awesome: Because, yes, they really are based on The Beatles. Funny Northern accents, a grumpy one, a funky one, a sociable one and one with a really cool crop...
Plus, they do like to harmonise just a little bit.
If We Had To Cook Them: They’d no doubt be really stringy and tasteless.
Black Swan (2010)
The Movie Bird: The titular black swan.
The Awesome: Not just any swan, this dark beauty is an anthropomorphic crossbreed of a ballet dancer and a bird.
Also, clearly, it’s all a figment of the dancer’s fractured psyche as she transforms into the role she’s attempting to wrangle. Looks stunning, though.
If We Had To Cook Them: She’d taste seriously bitter. Best with lots of cinammon and apple sauce - that tends to overpower the tang of crazy.
Kes (1969)
The Movie Bird: Kes, a pet falcon.
The Awesome: Kes is a ray of sunshine in young Billy Casper’s rather bleak and miserable life.
Pre-destined to become a coal miner and bullied at home and at school, Billy tames Kes and the feathery one becomes his best (and only) friend.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d serve him on a platter to owner Billy. Fnar.
The Rescuers (1977)
The Movie Bird: Albatross Orville, who aids agents Bernard and Miss Bianca in their quest to rescue a little girl from evil Madame Medusa.
The Awesome: Impressive wingspan, very professional goggles and an endearingly goofy disposition. Just what we like in our pilots.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d have to gag him first – sheesh he likes to talk.
Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)
The Movie Bird: Just your common collection of grubby New York pigeons.
The Awesome: They’re the wild-as-the-wind pets of a Central Park-dwelling tramp lady, and are pivotal in helping young tearaway Kevin McAllister escape wayward goons Harry and Marv.
If We Had To Cook Them: We’d serve them to our worst enemies. Who knows what kind of diseases they’re harbouring.
