14 Pulp Fictions That Should Be Movies

The Black Bat

The Story: After D.A. Tony Quinn is blinded by acid, he develops super-sharp senses to compensate.

And when a surgeon grafts new corneas, Quinn finds he can also see in the dark - cue a crime-fighting hero with the abilities of a bat.

How To Make It Modern: Between Batman and Daredevil , Hollywood’s got the dramatic rights to The Black Bat’s powers pretty much sown up.

So piss-take is the way to go here, with Will Ferrell as an Average Joe who can't help but spot nefarious goings-on wherever he looks or listens.

Captain Future

The Story: The adventures of Curtis Newton, a moon boy orphaned after his parents are murdered.

He grows up to be a "wizard of science" after being raised by Grag (a robot), Otho (a shape-shifting android) and Simon Wright (a disembodied brain in a glass case). Yes, really.

How To Make It Modern: Collectors of cult anime may know the 1970s Japanese TV series, but for modern Hollywood it’s an excuse for a family-friendly franchise: Three Freaks and a Superbaby .

Zac Efron as Curtis is a dead cert. Then it's just a matter of surrounding him with reputable voice-talent as his surrogate parents.

Let's say, Robin Williams, Steve Coogan and Dustin Hoffman.

Domino Lady

The Story: The femme fatale of pulp fiction, socialite Ellen Patrick avenged the murder of her D.A. dad by using feminine wiles to defeat the city’s scum. Her secret weapon: a syringe of knockout serum.

How To Make It Modern: Scantily clad body, face hidden behind a mask, subversive application of date-rape tactics... Talk about a post-feminist fantasy.

Ellen Patrick's a perfect role for Scarlett Johansen post- The Spirit , but let’s sack Frank Miller and give the gig to his Sin City compadre Robert Rodriguez, a guy who can balance shlock and shock.

Doctor Death

The Story: Occult reactionary (and Communist) Dr Rance Mandarin wants to bomb Earth back to the Stone Age.

Our only salvation? The Secret Twelve, an elite crime-fighting unit sanctioned by the President and led by supernatural detective Jimmy Holm.

How To Make It Modern: A war on terror against science-savvy fundamentalists? Topicality’s not an issue in the era of Al Quaida.

Bad taste’s another matter entirely. If Trey Parker and Matt Stone ever felt like following up Team America with a superhero spoof, they could do worse than adapt this.

Doc Savage

The Story: Clark Savage, Jr benefitted from an education that was like something out of The Krypton Factor , his mind and body trained into exceptional mental and physical strength.

Now he's the world's greatest adventurer, defeating evil masterminds with kung fu and rationalist scepticism.

How To Make It Modern: After Indiana Jones’ world-weary fallibility, Doc Savage’s perfection is a bit of a stretch.

He even has a hideout called The Fortress of Solitude. Who does he think he is? Superman?

A healthy dose of camp is required to get through this. We’re calling on Todd Solondtz - with Jon Hamm as Savage - to reveal the psychological hang-ups of this wannabe Kal El.

Moon Man

The Story: Meet disillusioned cop Stephen Thatcher, who feels not enough is being done to help the victims of crime.

Start a charity? Sorta. He dons a glass helmet to moonlight as a space-age Robin Hood, busting hoodlums of their cash and redistributing it to the poor.

How To Make It Modern: The troubled psyche of a lawmaker in a world gone to hell? This could be Michael Mann's chance to bring his blend of sleek and steel to the comic-book genre.

And, with a subplot revolving around Moon Man's attempts to keep a step ahead of by-the-book colleague Detective Gill McEwen, it's practically Heat ... with capes.

The Spider

The Story: Millionaire playboy Richard Wentworth turns vigilante, branding his vanquished foes across the forehead with the mark of a spider.

You'd think it was embarrassing enough for the villains that the guy who duffed them up was wearing a fright wig, fanged dentures...and a fedora.

How To Make It Modern: Hmmm, this one's a bit "generic superhero."

Perhaps the way forward is Timothy Truman's 1990s comic-strip reboot, which dropped The Spider into today's world...as it might have been imagined by a 1930s writer.

That way, Terry Gilliam can get all retro-futuristic on the decor and give his Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus discovery Andrew Garfield his signature role.

The Spider

The Story: Millionaire playboy Richard Wentworth turns vigilante, branding his vanquished foes across the forehead with the mark of a spider.

You'd think it was embarrassing enough for the villains that the guy who duffed them up was wearing a fright wig, fanged dentures...and a fedora.

How To Make It Modern: Hmmm, this one's a bit "generic superhero."

Perhaps the way forward is Timothy Truman's 1990s comic-strip reboot, which dropped The Spider into today's world...as it might have been imagined by a 1930s writer.

That way, Terry Gilliam can get all retro-futuristic on the decor and give his Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus discovery Andrew Garfield his signature role.

Dan Turner: Hollywood Detective

The Story: Self-explanatory, really. Dan Turner’s a detective, who works in Hollywood. The stories (criminal goings-on in movie studios) practically write themselves.

How To Make It Modern: Forget it - in these days of publicists and super-injunctions, Turner wouldn’t get past the gates.

But, as James Ellroy has proved, there’s plenty of mileage in exploring the seamy underbelly of ‘Golden Age’ L.A.

We still feel robbed that David Fincher never got to deliver his tantalising take on Ellroy’s The Black Dahlia , so let’s get him on-board (with Brad playing Dan Turner, natch) to bring some of Fincher’s pitch-black imagination to pulp opera.

Sexton Blake

The Story: He drives a bullet-proof Rolls-Royce, and duels with a succession of outré villains like contortionist Waldo The Wonderman.

The detective as man of action, Blake is the missing link between Sherlock Holmes and James Bond.

How To Make It Modern: The 1960s ITV series imagined Blake as a poor man’s Avengers ; in today’s blockbuster era, it would have to be a Pirates of the Caribbean -style mash-up of comic action and CGI-enhanced supervillainy.

And the man to make Sexton as iconic as Captain Sparrow? Ewan McGregor. It's high time he abandoned Obi Wan-ness and brought some of Renton's cheekiness to the popcorn-munching multiplex hordes.

The Eel

The Story: Described as a man “of courageous actions and questionable morals,” little is known about this slippery character, who narrated his adventures of hunting treasure (and totty) in the first-person.

How To Make It Modern: A Bondian ladies' man who gives nothing away? Sounds like an ideal fit for taciturn Clive Owen.

Pair him up with Quentin Tarantino in the director's chair, and let the quips do the talking as this amoral bounty-hunter beds and bludgeons his way around the globe.

Bran Mak Morn

The Story: Bran Mak Morn is warrior-king of the pint-sized Pict tribe, trying to maintain noble ideals in warfare.

Tough gig, considering he faces Roman occupation on one side and the superstitious barbarism of the Picts’ uncivilised priests on the other.

How To Make It Modern: This one’s actually in development by Working Title, so we could well find out in the next couple of years. Think Braveheart , Apocalypto …

Let's face it, the producers are fools if Mel Gibson’s not already on their speed-dial. Even controversial Mel might need to tone down those outdated ‘noble savage’ overtones, though.

The Continental Op

The Story: The original hard-boiled detective, created by Dashiell Hammett. Amoral, pragmatic and cynical, he's the perfect anti-hero for an imperfect world.

How To Make It Modern: James Coburn played the Op in a 1970s miniseries, and frankly we’d cast him again if he was still around.

The next best thing is surely Coburn’s screen son in Affliction , Nick Nolte. Gravelly voice, hangdog looks and real-life woes could generate a Mickey Rourke-style comeback.

In the director chair's, Brick proved that Rian Johnson can handle noir ambience – let's give him the chance to make this generation’s Chinatown .

Green Lama

The Story: Wealthy playboy (aren’t they all?) Jethro Dumont renounced worldly goods after training with Tibetan monks for ten years. Now he fights crime with the power of Buddhism!

Oh, and he's also got more scientifically-based superpowers, caused by radiation. Belt and braces, people.

How To Make It Modern: Amazing, really, that Richard Gere or Steven Seagal haven’t optioned this one.

Orlando Bloom’s probably the biggest Buddhist star right now. To be honest, he could do with proving his mettle as a blockbuster lead (no, Pirates and LOTR don’t count).

Then again, with the Chinese market increasingly vital to the studios' global box office, Orlando might need to finance this one himself.

Biggles

The Story: Flyboy James Bigglesworth is a very English hero.

He engaged WWI Germans in dogfights as a teenager, before defending King and country against Nazis and Communists. Jolly good show, chap.

How To Make It Modern: It’s been tried. Check out John Hough's 1986 fantasy movie, which added time travel to the mix by sending a modern-day Yank to help Biggles fight the Hun.

It’s a mess (albeit a charmingly bonkers one), so let’s try doing this one straight. In the hands of Atonement fellas Joe Wright and James McAvoy, it could be a Brit wartime classic to rival The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp .