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Food
The film: Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs (2009) - out on DVD and Blu-ray this week
Extreme Weather Warning: A scientific thingymajig is converting water molecules into three-course dinners. Food, glorious food. Yum yum.
But be careful what you wish for. Unlimited cheesburgers might sound like a good idea, but think of the human cost – obesity, injuries from falling pasta, mountains of leftovers - literally. Meatballs don’t just evaporate, you know.
Silver Lining: Nobody need ever get the munchies again.
Tornado
The film: The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Extreme Weather Warning: Twisters are bad enough at the best of times, but this one’s a magic one.
Friends and family get mo-capped as lions and witches, suddenly you're taller than everyone else and the colours are so vivid .
Honestly, it's like Avatar .
Silver Lining: You won’t be in Kansas any more, and you get a nice pair of shoes at the other end.
Acid Rain
The film: Blade Runner (1982)
Extreme Weather Warning: Long-term forecast, this one. By the year 2019, all that pollution will have turned the sky into an endless, corrosive drip-drip-drip...
Buildings crumble into dust, raincoats are de rigeur and the perpetual gloom alleviated only by garish neon billboards. We bet it stings like a bitch, too.
Silver Lining: As long as you're not too fussy about leaks, you can get a huge penthouse for next to nothing.
Ice Storm
The film: The Ice Storm (1997)
Extreme Weather Warning: The sensible choice would be to stay indoors and keep warm. Unless you're already so emotionally frozen you think you’ll be safe in the cold.
We think it’s, like, symbolic or somefink.
Silver Lining: That crystalline-blue shimmer looks awfully pretty - but mind you watch out for falling power lines.
Fog
The Film: The Fog (1980)…or, if you’re a real masochist, The Fog (2005)
Extreme Weather Warning: Tread carefully. Remember, you can’t see through a pea-souper.
Especially one that's provided cover for six angry ghosts to hop ashore and take their revenge on Antonia Bay, whose greedy townsfolk led them to a watery grave a hundred years before.
Silver Lining: The community’s skeletons are out of that closet and into the open - if not particularly clean - air.
Frogs
The Film: Magnolia (1999)
Extreme Weather Warning: If there's one thing L.A. doesn’t need, it’s a Biblical downpour. Yet here it is. Gribbit.
Avoid like the plague – unless you happen to be a) suicidal and in need of an ironic life-saver; or b) a clumsy cop hoping for a miracle to get his gun back.
Silver Lining: £200 on You’ve Been Framed if you have a camcorder. An anecdote that’ll last you a lifetime if not.
Ice Age
The Film: The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Extreme Weather Warning: About as extreme as it gets. Global warming's screwing up the atmosphere...but instead of getting hot in here, like Nelly predicted, temperatures have plummeted. Brrrr.
And it's ALL OUR FAULT, people.
Silver Lining: The last ice age lasted about 100 million years, so there’ll be plenty of time for dad Dennis Quaid to spend with son Jake Gyllenhaal.
Hurricane
The film: Steamboat Bill, Jr (1928)
Extreme Weather Warning: Batten down the hatches, River Junction is about to get thoroughly trashed.
Collapsing housefronts, moving beds and flying boxes...and a one-man whirlwind (Buster Keaton) who might be more dangerous than any of 'em.
Silver Lining: Keaton's proof that daredevil acrobatics can get the girl and make your dad proud. Either that, or the weather gods are moonlighting as relationship counsellors.
Lightning
The Film: Back To The Future (1985)
Extreme Weather Warning: No need to worry, to be honest, as this is really fussy lightning. The only place in danger is the clock on the Hill Valley courthouse, which will be struck on Saturday at 10:04 pm precisely.
So, unless you have a really good reason to be larking about in the thunderstorm, you should be fine.
Silver Lining: Knowing where and when all that energy is going to hit is a godsend to marooned time travellers.
Heatwave
The Film: The Day The Earth Caught Fire (1960)
Extreme Weather Warning: Nuclear tests have shifted the Earth off its orbit and we're headed for the Sun. That's the good news.
The bad news? The water supply is drying up, so London is under martial law, drinks are rationed and hosepipe use is punishable by death. (Not really. We made that last bit up.)
Silver Lining: It's summer all year 'round, so it might be a good chance to finally use that barbecue gathering moss in the garden.
Perfect Storm
The Film: The Perfect Storm (2000)
Extreme Weather Warning: Watch out for that nor’easter, looks like a bad’un. Oh hang on, it’s turned into a cyclone. Oh shit, it’s scooped up a hurricane and is headed this way.
Anybody brave or foolish enough to be out on the ocean: brace yourself. Yes, Clooney and Wahlberg, we’re talking to you.
Silver Lining: A handy catch-all metaphor for those moments you can’t use ‘the shit hit the fan.’
Hot Hail
The Film: Flash Gordon (1980)
Extreme Weather Warning: Uh-oh, this is the big one. There’s a baldy bad-guy up in space hell-bent on using meteorology to screw the Earth. For fun.
Check out his dashboard of death - he can inflict hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes at the push of a button. Oh, and hot hail. Flaming balls of pain manufactured in Hell. Or, in this case, Mongo.
Silver Lining: Emperor Ming (Max Von Sydow) likes to play with things a while before annihilation. Which gives humanity a sporting chance, at least.
