10 Roald Dahl Stories That Should Be Movies
The Enormous Crocodile
The Plot: An enormous crocodile brags to all the jungle animals that he's going to go and gobble up some children.
Understandably, they think he's out of line.
They thwart his every attempt to eat kids. It's frightening and endearing in equal measure.
Dream Cast: Jeremy Irons in the lead role, with Bill Murray as Muggle-Wump the monkey.
Dream Director: Spike Jonze proves with Where The Wild Things Are that he can do dark childhood. Let this be the follow-up.
Boy
The Plot: Boy is one of Dahl's autobiographical books, in which, predictably, he describes his childhood.
As a nipper, Dahl was just as naughty as any character he could have written.
Boy is all about the cuts and scrapes he gets into growing up in a series of boarding schools in the '20s.
Dream Cast: Some snotty child actor and host of Britain's finest thesps in supporting roles.
Dream Director: Son Of Rambow 's director Garth Jennings - who, incidentally, has a small role in Fantastic Mr. Fox, which opens the LFF tonight .
George's Marvellous Medicine
The Plot: One of Dahl's best-loved stories, George's Marvellous Medicine was once read, brilliantly, on Jackanory , by the magnificent Rik Mayall.
It's all about George Kranky, who invents a marvellous medicine which makes things (chickens / grandmothers) grow ludicrously tall.
Dream Cast: We'd like to see George's grumpy grandmother played by Liz Smith. That'd keep us happy.
Dream Director: Guillermo Del Toro could put a creepy slant on what is, essentially, quite a creepy story. Bit like every Roald Dahl story ever written, then.
The Minpins
The Plot: The last book that Roald Dahl ever wrote, The Minpins was published a few months after the author's death.
It features the Minpins, a community of tiny people who live in trees.
They dwell in a wood which is ominously-named, "The Forest Of Sin". If that wasn't weird enough, the Devil himself appears to tempt Little Billy inside.
Bit heavy, Roald.
Dream Cast: The Minpins themselves should be played exclusively by Helena Bonham-Carter and Johnny Depp in various costumes.
Dream Director: Tim Burton would love to get his teeth into this one.
The Vicar Of Nibbleswicke
The Plot: The Vicar of Nibbleswicke has an embarrassing problem.
He suffers from the rare "Back-To-Front Dyslexia" (yes, it is made-up), which causes him to say many of his words the wrong way round (much to the confusion of his parishioners).
Luckily, though, there's a cure: walking backwards. Which he does for the rest of his life. We're sure the novelty would wear off pretty soon.
Dream Cast: We'd like to see Rowan Atkinson as the bumbling vicar.
Dream Director: Richard Curtis could create a heartwarming, quaint Christmas flick out of this one.
The Giraffe And The Pelly And Me
The Plot: Billy dreams of owning a sweet shop, but the one he's after gets taken over by a window-cleaning company.
It turns out that this company is made up of a giraffe, a pelican and a monkey, who call themselves the Ladderless Window-Cleaning Company.
Skipping to the end: Billy gets his sweet shop and they all live happily ever after.
Dream Cast: Simon Pegg for the giraffe, Eddie Izzard for the pelly and Nick Frost for the monkey. Brits do Dahl properly.
Dream Director: It has to be a Pixar production. In 3D! Let's hope John Lasseter connects with it. We've posted him the book.
My Uncle Oswald
The Plot: One of only a couple of novels Dahl wrote for grown-ups, My Uncle Oswald features decidedly adult themes.
It's all about aphrodisiacs, nymphomaniacs and the harvesting and sale of semen.
The subject matter couldn't be more different to Dahl's usual giant-fruit-and-talking-monkey stories.
Dream Cast: To suit the anti-Dahl nature of the book, we'll take an anti-Dahl slant, with Robert Downey Jr. as Oswald, the aphrodisiac entrepreneur.
Dream Director: T he Coen Brothers should start stocking up on semen immediately. In a cup or something. Or a jar.
The Magic Finger
The Plot: A little girl has a magic finger.
It doesn't really work in the same way as a wand, though. She can't just point and shoot a spell. The finger seems to have a mind of its own.
It turns an entire family into tiny people with wings for arms. And has their house taken over by giant ducks with human arms instead of wings. O...K.
Dream Cast: The little girl's a bit creepy, so we want a little girl with a creepy face. Dakota Fanning would have been perfect, except that she stopped being eight a while ago. Damn.
Dream Director: There's something quite MirrorMask about the story, so let's give Dave McKean a go.
The Wonderful Story Of Henry Sugar
The Plot: From a book of short stories under the same name, TWSOHS is aimed at a slightly older readership, though is still a charming little nugget of Roaldy fun.
Henry has the power to see through playing cards, and wins a lot of money in casinos, under a series of different disguises to protect his identity.
He then uses the money to build orphanages all over the world. Gawd bless 'im!
Dream Cast: It needs an actor versatile enough to transform into many different characters. We want Johnny Depp! Again! Please?!
Dream Director: Terry Gilliam would bring just the right measure of fantasy and whimsy to Henry's story.
The Twits
The Plot: Mr. and Mrs. Twit are absolutely vile.
They are ugly, stupid, smelly and spiteful.
They spend most of their time playing tricks on each other and beating children with sticks.
Actually, I think we just made them sound awesome. They're not. They're 'orrible.
Dream Cast: Shove a beard on Ray Winstone and he'd make an excellent Mr. Twit. And we'd have Kathy Burke as Waynetta Slob as Mrs. Twit.
Dream Director: It's about time Gary Oldman directed something other than his stunning debut, Nil By Mouth. Consider this the sequel.