Everyone has a type
Do you match with any of our over-generalized stereotypes? Find out in the our rundown of the 10 people you'll meet in a next-gen war...
Why we need them: Gun-Jumpers defend the frontlines of the console wars. They're the first to fire, the first to recruit, and the first to pick us up when we're losing faith in our super-machine of choice. Without them, we'd forget what we were fighting for in the first place.
Why we need them: The Flip-Flopper provides balance in the often heated next-gen debate. As a neutral agent, they motivate loyalists on both sides to drop the rhetoric and find convincing arguments as to why the Flip-Flopper should join their side.
Why we need them: They can be right some of the time. Technical limitations in the past forced developers to make up for lack of whiz-bang production with solid gameplay and creative designs. That's not to say today's studios don't deliver that same quality, but how can we be sure any next-gen game will be equally memorable.
The PC elitist
Like Bruce Wayne to the Bat Signal or Superman to a crying baby, the PC elitist* pounces into action whenever talk of console gaming threaten to tear the industry asunder. It only takes a whisper of non-PC entertainment to stir this vigilante into action and send him swooping in to forums to save ignorant gamers from themselves. PS4? Xbox One? What is this, 2009? As the PC Elitest is eager to point out, consoles will never achieve the purity that is PC gaming. And so, it is the life-long burden of the PC Elitist to show console players a 'better way', lest they grind the industry to a halt with their destructive gaming choices.
Why we need them: Despite their belief that console players are willfully trapped in a hellish, mod-free prison, PC elitists serve as a reminder that we really do have options. In some cases, PC gaming can actually bring more to the table... provided you have the cash, patience, and technological know-how to keep up. What's more, most PC elitists are (mostly) willing to assist you in obtaining PC-gaming prosperity (provided you admit they were always right).
*First appearance: The Top 7 Stereotypical gamers we hate (opens in new tab).
The truth teller
Xbox One's launch date (opens in new tab)
Why we need them: 99.5% of the time, the truth teller is repeating what they heard from another, more obscure 'source' (See slide #10). But on that rare 0.5% occasion, they reveal a connection or fact few have considered. If anything, the truth teller is the devil's advocate who keeps us on our toes and questioning what we think we know.
Did you hear?! The Xbox One is a secret weapon for the NSA! The PS4 will set your used games on fire! And the Wii U? A developer you never heard of tweeted it's less powerful than an alarm clock! To the overreactor, every snippet of next-gen information is an excuse to elevate the tone of a console debate to Defcon Level 1. It doesn't matter if they're freaking out over a feature they can choose to ignore, or ranting about the lack of a feature they'll never use. All that matters to the overreactor is arming themselves with alarming facts and rumors that can be lobbed into next-gen discussions as verbal grenades.
Why we need them: There are always important details that studios either attempt to sweep under the rug or otherwise go unnoticed. Thanks to the overreactor, we have more information from which to form our own opinion--even if that information feels like it's being screamed into our ear by a lunatic in a tin foil hat.
The techno babbler
Why we need them: Tech matters. True, PS4 and Xbox One are largely similar where it counts, but the techno babbler helps us understand where they differ and why we should care.
The exclusive snob
Why we need them: We can lose ourselves in the tiny details and system nitpicks, but at the end of the day, isn't the whole point to play games we enjoy? Thanks to the exclusive snob, we're reminded about what counts, and we're better informed about our launch day selections.
Why we need them: Because reliable sources exist and they can be the impartial piece of the puzzle that helps gamers sift through all the PR jargon and achieve their final form: The truth teller.
The Richie Rich
Why we need them: Their mouths don't say much, but their wallets speak volumes. Thanks to the Richie Riches of the world, we can sleep tight knowing that the console manufacturer we're ignoring won't go bankrupt without our support.