TNA Impact!

The last thing we want to see sweaty, overweight men doing is wrestling, but they insist on doing it anyway. Often in ridiculous costumes. If you’re the sort of person who enjoys pinning a man to the ground and repeatedly punching him in the groin, though, you should probably seek professional help. That or play TNA Impact!.

As is the norm with most Wii versions, the game comes with fewer features than its prettier cousins on PS3 and 360, and only a slight price cut as an apology. The most significant element to hit the chopping block is character creation – now, rather than fighting as a semi-naked manbear of your choosing, you have to use a pre-assigned manbear instead. It doesn’t make a world of difference to the gameplay, but it’s a shocking omission nonetheless.

This blatant laziness might be forgivable if there was a decent brawler buried somewhere within the game’s code, but there isn’t. Despite the subtitle’s bold claims, it’s not “nonstop action” all the way; matches are protracted and maddeningly slow – actually finishing someone off in a flurry of limbs requires more hurdle-jumping than the Olympics. TNA’s character models are passable, but the crowd belongs in a ’90s arcade cabinet, possibly cheering on Zangief. Midway – surely you can do better than this? They can – they just couldn’t be bothered. A fate affecting a lot of Wii ports, and one that never fails to grate. Considering how well SmackDown! vs Raw 2009 was ported, you should get that instead.

Dec 10, 2008