Besides your screenname and actual in-game actions, your online avatar is the most crucial part of self-expression in the multiplayer realm. Other players are going to make snap judgments of who you are and what you stand for with this single image, so your choice of profile pic is crucial. Now, art is entirely subjective, and someone's definition of cool can range from a white tiger to a flaming skull, anime girl, or anything in between. But then there are those avatars that are basically the bumper stickers of the online world: quips written in giant text that are probably hilarious to the people flaunting them, and hilariously dopey to anyone else reading them.
This distinct brand of regrettable profile pics isn't too common on Xbox One, but PlayStation 4 players have access to loads of garbage-grade avatar images, submitted by independent 'artists' who charge up to two bucks for the honor of adorning your profile with their work. Here are some of the absolute worst PS4-ready avatars you can find on PSN, along with what I imagine to be the inner monologue of anyone who thought it was a good idea to spend money on these. And if you're on the hunt for abysmal avatars to sport ironically, you just hit the jackpot.
"EVERYTHING SUCKS AVATAR"
"I've always had a knack for sharing my overtly cranky insights with others, especially in the hours before I've had my morning coffee! I feel a kindred connection with this large-headed cartoon fellow, who also understands that nothing in life is worth living for."
"Press Harder Avatar"
"I loved the pressure-sensitive analog face buttons of the PS2 and PS3 controllers. And even if that function didn't carry over to the DualShock 4 - pressing the buttons harder will absolutely not make the attacks stronger - I'm going to live my life pretending like it does, and inflicting that misinformation upon others."
"AWSD - It's What Moves Me"
"My PC-centric humor is going to go over great with these console gamers! I'm also willing to financially support someone who calls the iconic key layout 'AWSD' instead of 'WASD'."
"Pro Gamer Avatar"
"People need to know two things about me: I consider myself to be so good at games that I could be a paid professional, and I really love replacing the 'r's I write with little icons of sideways handguns."
"CAUTION ELITE GAMER AVATAR"
"This hastily Photoshopped text should give people the appropriate warning about my next-level skills. It's the lens flare that really sends the message home."
"THUG LIFE AVATAR"
"After spending dozens of years bouncing in and out of correctional facilities, this avatar is the only image that can properly convey the pain of my upbringing on the mean streets and the realness of my gangster lifestyle."
"Five minutes Avatar"
"Even though they're all actively using a game console, I think I ought to give my friends something to do in my absence. And what do you know - it took me five minutes to read and comprehend this sentence, so this should help them pass the time."
"5 More Minutes Avatar"
"Oh man, my parents are always telling me to stop playing with my black bowtie, even when my eyes have gone bloodshot, my arms have turned to twigs, and my lower body ceases to exist! And I'm totally in the habit of using twelve-periods-long ellipses for emphasis. It's like they know me!"
"Blow It Up - Avatar"
"I've always wanted to be placed on the FBI Watch List."
"If you know me, then you know I'm a deep thinker. And this reflection on the thin line between good and evil is going to blow people's minds... no matter how badly drawn that silhouette is."
"I Want You Avatar"
"I'm going to express myself the only way I know how: by using a purple-haired, demonic Uncle Sam."
"Fun - Avatar"
"Haha! This'll get 'em GOOD! Although come to think of it, saying that they 'look really fun' implies that I want to hang out with them, not that they look goofy with their head tilted to one side. Oh well."
"I care not for unified, aesthetically pleasing font styles in my messaging! Also, I'm horribly afraid of what lies beyond death, and this belief is the one thing that keeps me going."
"Arrow to the Knee Avatar"
"Man, I still crack up every time I think about that classic Skyrim line. Now I can share that merriment will all my online buddies, all the time! It'll be just like when I told them the cake was a lie."
"Behind You Noob Avatar"
"I'm a serial killer, and this harrowing imagery excites me."
"Amazing Avatars Bundle"
"Identifying as the stereotypical 'angry gamer' is the only thing that defines who I am as a person! Now I can convey that in four distinct, equally retch-worthy ways."
"April Fools - Invisible Avatar"
"I just paid 99 cents for a white square. This is what my life has become."