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The Top 7... Most insane things videogames have been blamed for

Videogames have been blamed for more and stupider things than witchcraft, without the incidental benefit of raising the average female "Hot or Not" value. Games have been found in the home of every recent violent lunatic in the same way you'd find oxygen or microwavable Sloppy Joe Hot Pockets, and the latter is much more likely to cause violent internal explosions. This doesn't stop people from dedicating their lives in a quest to blame games for everything up to and including being turned into a newt. Here are some of the lamest excuses.


7. Wii Fit sex maniac

Manchester catering worker Amanda Flowers claims that falling off her Balance Board turned her into a sex maniac, a more obvious attempt to turn sex into money than actual prostitution. The two-inch tumble rendered her excitable by the least vibration and requiring up to ten sex sessions a day, simultaneously the best superpower and letter to Penthouse ever written.


Left: Sex machine. Right: NOT a sex machine 

Her argument contains more obvious holes than – well, we can’t make that joke, but you probably know what we’re thinking. If that drop turned her into a sex addict, a flight of stairs would make her screams of passion shatter every window in the building. There's also the legal issue that if you can get sexually excited by Wii games you should probably be pre-classified as a sex offender.

It doesn't help that this story was reported in the Daily Star: a UK newspaper which would report a cure for cancer with a picture of topless model and a headline "Tumors Won't Take THESE Lumps Away Any More!"


6. Australian idiot blames games for knife crime

Australian youth worker Les Twentyman is blaming homeless-child knife crime on video games, which is like blaming NASA for poor firework safety. Even in an insane world where a child could learn about violence from games and actually survive an encounter with one who learned about it from the streets, videogames teach you that the knife is an absolutely terrible weapon.


Above: Knives are crap game weapons. Unless you tape dozens of them to a belt. And a motor. And an assault rifle

“Knives are sharp” is not a military secret revealed by advanced murder simulators. Anyone who didn’t know that knives can cut you already lives in a facility full of caring staff dedicated to preventing them from finding out, which is the exact opposite of the homeless. And yes, if you noticed that he's blaming homeless knife crime on having several hundred dollars of electronics, well done for being smarter than the Australian government inquiry which asked him to speak about this.


Above: Australians normally know so much about knives

Topics

Top 7 WTF

54 comments

  • Sjoeki - July 19, 2011 9:52 p.m.

    When Ron Jemery talks everyone should just shut up and listen! He's a goddamn legend! Also S.O.S. will never be the same for me
  • HA HA HADEN - February 1, 2011 10:38 a.m.

    "the knife is an absolutely terrible weapon." Not if you play COD.
  • OneNightInParez - January 29, 2011 11:46 a.m.

    "not on the fact that somebody had ruined those DVDs by putting Shrek 3 on them" its good to laugh.
  • soren7550 - January 28, 2011 7:37 p.m.

    This made me laugh quite a bit. People's stupidity somehow still amazes me. And was I the only one expecting to see the whole 'Sex-box' crap on the list?
  • shadlee04 - January 28, 2011 2:44 a.m.

    If you read the full story for the Nintendogs part, it says that the dog that bit off her lip was actually put down... Wow... And the whole 'she may have kicked him' thing was said AFTER the dog was put down...
  • waffman11 - January 27, 2011 12:15 a.m.

    Wait, the tin foil shield doesn't work? What else doesn't work? Covering your eyes so that the big scary thing in front of you disappears? Oh. Oh god, what have I based my life upon?
  • fatguy19 - January 26, 2011 10:09 p.m.

    I dont know what the girl at number three is complaining about, my dog savages and shouts at me all the time when im playing games bexause im not paying attention to him.
  • Hamm005 - January 26, 2011 11:20 a.m.

    Blaming HOMELESS-child knife crime on video games... no house, but a xbox/playstation and TV they have?
  • DeathbyFira - January 26, 2011 12:35 a.m.

    Omg this shows how desperate people will go thru to blame everything on media and eveything else but not on there own stupidty and Ron Jeremy is way beond a total douch bag stop trying to suck up on people and say this is what i do you dont like it sorry but though cookies
  • TheCloakandDagger - January 25, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    I bet all those mother fuckers drive cars too! Blame the car industry and Canada as well.
  • xumaximus - January 25, 2011 10:25 p.m.

    I only clicked on this story because of the hott girl on the cover......
  • 2cute2Bcruel - January 25, 2011 9:51 p.m.

    Funny article!
  • ViolentLee - January 25, 2011 9:12 p.m.

    Wow, Luke...read Seanbaby much? You seemed to have captured his voice. Liked this article a lot, though.
  • philrees - January 25, 2011 8:11 p.m.

    @teaguehipkiss Green said "If you want to have the best national side on a longer-term basis, you need to go into every household and throw away the PlayStation, Xbox and video games. Maybe in 15 years' time you'd have the best national side. It's a society thing. Look at countries who always seem to bring up world-class players, like Brazil and Argentina. If you look at the situations that they live in, it's football or nothing. We live in one of the leading countries in the world and we have choices"
  • teaguehipkiss - January 25, 2011 7:13 p.m.

    I thought Rob Green was saying that too many people from his generation were playing Video Games so there aren't as many great footballers as there could've been but apparently not.
  • SillyPigeon - January 25, 2011 5:33 p.m.

    What saddens me is that most of these came from the UK. I knew we were stupid but god damn
  • gilgamesh310 - January 25, 2011 4:26 p.m.

    Knives aren't always useless weapons in games. In Modern Warfare 1 and 2, Killzone 2 and Far Cry 2 they are great weapons and swiping an enemy leads to instant kills.
  • mahajinx - January 25, 2011 3:51 p.m.

    All this crap kinda reminds me of this story I've read several years ago, something about people of China suing Sharon Stone for 1 million $ (or was it even MORE??) just for saying that the earthquake they've had was a 'karmic retribution' for their maltreatment of the nature, or something like that. Sure, it was a tragedy, all the lives lost and all, but come on people, who gives a rat's ass what some actress says and believes?!? Cases like that and like the ones in this article go to show just how low some people are willing to stoop to either 1) make an easy buck, or 2) drop their own responsibility on someone else. Or 3) they're just simply bored in life, or plain stupid :). Also, I like how Ron's not only wearing Mario's clothes in that pic, but he also apparently starred in a Super Mario porn!! (just found about it on google). And then he goes so far as to blame video games for all the evils in this world?? Right. Some nerve... Anyway, great article as usual, GR! :D
  • Nap1400 - January 25, 2011 3:01 p.m.

    Blaming Nintendogs for a dog attack?! A PORN STAR blaming video games for corrupting minds?! BLAMING VIDEO GAMES FOR TURNING INTO A PEDOPHILE?!?!?!?! I've heard of dumb things that people do, but these things top the charts.
  • rabidpotatochip - January 25, 2011 1:47 p.m.

    "The only reason porn companies don't print money directly is it takes too long and isn't phallic enough." I feel out of my chair laughing....

Showing 1-20 of 54 comments

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