Sport & Auto
- About Future
- Digital Future
- Cookies Policy
- Terms & Conditions
- Investor Relations
- Contact Future
Videogames have been blamed for more and stupider things than witchcraft, without the incidental benefit of raising the average female "Hot or Not" value. Games have been found in the home of every recent violent lunatic in the same way you'd find oxygen or microwavable Sloppy Joe Hot Pockets, and the latter is much more likely to cause violent internal explosions. This doesn't stop people from dedicating their lives in a quest to blame games for everything up to and including being turned into a newt. Here are some of the lamest excuses.
Manchester catering worker Amanda Flowers claims that falling off her Balance Board turned her into a sex maniac, a more obvious attempt to turn sex into money than actual prostitution. The two-inch tumble rendered her excitable by the least vibration and requiring up to ten sex sessions a day, simultaneously the best superpower and letter to Penthouse ever written.
Her argument contains more obvious holes than – well, we can’t make that joke, but you probably know what we’re thinking. If that drop turned her into a sex addict, a flight of stairs would make her screams of passion shatter every window in the building. There's also the legal issue that if you can get sexually excited by Wii games you should probably be pre-classified as a sex offender.
It doesn't help that this story was reported in the Daily Star: a UK newspaper which would report a cure for cancer with a picture of topless model and a headline "Tumors Won't Take THESE Lumps Away Any More!"
Australian youth worker Les Twentyman is blaming homeless-child knife crime on video games, which is like blaming NASA for poor firework safety. Even in an insane world where a child could learn about violence from games and actually survive an encounter with one who learned about it from the streets, videogames teach you that the knife is an absolutely terrible weapon.
Above: Knives are crap game weapons. Unless you tape dozens of them to a belt. And a motor. And an assault rifle
“Knives are sharp” is not a military secret revealed by advanced murder simulators. Anyone who didn’t know that knives can cut you already lives in a facility full of caring staff dedicated to preventing them from finding out, which is the exact opposite of the homeless. And yes, if you noticed that he's blaming homeless knife crime on having several hundred dollars of electronics, well done for being smarter than the Australian government inquiry which asked him to speak about this.
Above: Australians normally know so much about knives
Log in using Facebook to share comments, games, status update and other activity easily with your Facebook feed.