The Top 7... game religions

We blindly follow gaming's scheming cults, faiths and God-botherers

Religion. In real life, it’s all kneeling, self-reflection and guilt. In games, it’s all alien conspiracies, demon worship and craftily put together cults designed to rob us of our readies. The following faiths might all be deceitful, money-grabbing or just downright homicidal, but at least they’re exciting. And hell, adopt a positive attitude, take everything they say at face value and follow their orders blindly, and we might even make it through one of their sermons with all our limbs. Hallelujah!

Founded by a group of religious cultists who worship an unexploded megaton bomb.They built their church at the centre of the crater the bomb created. These Children of Atom believe that the atomic masses released by nuclear bombs contain whole universes and are, therefore, sacred.


Above: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

Full of optimism, hope and perpetually seeing the best in bad situations, the Children of Atom will turn even the biggest frown upside down. Should the bomb (which is in spitting distance of the church) go off,members willautomatically be sent to a magical place where each will be the master oftheir ownuniverse.


Above: What we all should be praying for


Anyone with an aversion to cancers or other diseases linked with long-term radiation exposure or having all their skin peel off may want to have a long hard think before committing to the church. Those with irrational fears of being vaporised by, as yet undetonated and unstable atomic bombs, may also be best sticking to more radiation-free religions.



In the magical land of Windia, full of armadillos, frogs and other talking animals, a mighty Dragon God ruled. However, the God was usurped by a new religious idol, St. Eva, who's newly-formed church quickly rose to prominence.

Followers can look super cool to alltheir friends by joining today's hottest newreligion. St. Eva is an upstanding, caring role model. And, forany kids out there, he’s totally the baddest deity around. Not literally, of course, he’s definitely not some kind of mad, soul-harvesting demon.


Above: St. Eva's always been down with the kids


During the duration of your prayers the great St. Eva may or may not – we’re pretty sure he won’t – gain demonic powers as you worship him. There’s also a chance – although, again the odds are slim – that he might, say, takemembers' hearts once he’s finished sucking up alltheir praying goodness. Cut him some slack, it's not likethe entire organisation is a hastily crafted cult used as a front to conceal an ever growing demon army.


Above: St. Eva churches - now with 38% less demons

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