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The Preemptive 2011 Game Awards

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We didn’t need to play UK Truck Simulator (totally real) or whatever before declaring our picks for the best games of 2010. We have common sense and expectations. We’re not robots. Well, maybe we are, but if we are then we’re really advanced robots - like Data’s brother in TNG.

This human (or evil android) common sense also gives us the power to make educated guesses as to which games of 2011 will get award-giving gamz jarnlists like ourselves all riled up. They’re just guesses, of course. There are games in 2011 which will surprise us, and at least a few haven't even been announced yet. And several of the games we’re excited about (we just listed 100 of them, by the way) will be delayed. But that isn’t going to stop us from handing out stupid awards. We love handing out stupid awards!

Entries written by Chris Antista or Brett Elston denoted by sudden, dramatic changes in writing style.


WINNER: Journey

Guesstimated Award Probability: 78%

Maaaan, I ‘aint tellin’ you to stop believin’ or none of that, I’m talkin’ about the other Journey. It’s like an existential experiment man! They’re like, exploring the nature of human connection, alienation, and all that, like, with sand you know? Like the grains of sand represent all the people in the world, right - it’s a metaphor, man. We’re so connected we’re disconnected! We’re just blowin’ around in the wind, bumpin’ into each other, and [bong rip] like, I don’t know man, it’s pretty deep stuff.



Runner-up | Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Deus Ex is a great series, but have you ever met anyone who’s really into it? If not, talk to someone who just saw Inception. Now imagine that Inception was released eleven years ago, and all you did to initiate the conversation was mention that you had a weird dream.

Replace “weird dream” with “anything tangentially related to anything,” and you have a hardcore Deus Ex fan. Nanotechnology, conspiracy theories, the Illuminati, artificial intelligence, The Art of War, causality, sun glasses, hair, air, whatever.


WINNER: Pokémon Black/White

Guesstimated Award Probability: 69%

Pokémon is the MMO for people who only like interacting with other people when they want someone else’s heroin. The rest of the time they're interacting with their own heroin. Little, furry needles of heroin. Catch ‘em before they scamper off into someone else’s vein or something.

Not only that, but Black & White's main story is exclusively stocked with brand new varieties of heroin, plus there's Wi-Fi video heroin, three-on-three heroin shooting contests, and all sorts of other reasons you may find yourself and your DSi in the corner of a dilapidated apartment listening to The Velvet Underground.


Runner-up | Guild Wars 2


MMOs are designed to be life consuming monsters, so any upcoming MMO could become this year's college drop out pill, but we're putting our money on Guild Wars 2. Get this - there's JUMPING. We know. PlanetSide: Next isn't a bad bet either.


WINNER: Rage

Guesstimated Award Probability: 82%

I saw id’s new engine – id Tech 5 – running on a 360 with my very own eyes. I don’t have much to say about the actual game, but damn, did that engine ever look fancy. And if you aren’t hyped enough for id’s new era of making pixels appear on a screen really well, Camack said in 2008 that since Doom 4 is only shooting for 30 frames-per-second, as opposed to Rage’s 60, it’ll look even better. Well, actually he said that it'll have "three times the graphics richness," but we're going to go ahead and assume that means "better."



Runner-up | Crysis 2

I wasn’t particularly captivated by Crysis, but it sure looked good. I may or may not have more fun with Crysis 2, but at least I know that it will also sure look good.

First, notice how it's the future. It has been proven that everything looks cooler in the future. Also, it's in a city instead of a jungle. Cities look cooler than jungles, especially if you're color blind and all that green looks sepia-ish anyway. Also, the font used for the game's logo is a true 1080p font!


WINNER: Catherine

Guesstimated Award Probability: 76%

Better unzip (ha?) your pants, because Atlus is pushing console limits with the sexual content of Catherine. It definitely isn't the most explicit game planned for release this year, but it may be the best semi-explicit game... like, one you'll actually want to play.

It may not be released outside of Japan – who knows – but if it isn't, we’re sure puberty will find away to play it, even if it means learning Japanese. Screw the internet, looking at boobs is more fun when you have to work for it!


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53 comments

  • TheGuy0526 - May 29, 2011 7:08 p.m.

    Frankly I cant believe you put Zelda a step higher than Mass Effect. I understand that Zelda is an old franchise, but lately it hasen't had anywhere near as much sucess compared to the Mass Effect series. And Wilde, you mentioned it might not bring something new.. Have you not seen the differences between the first and second? I'm no fan boy, but I think you're insane for not putting Mass Effect 3 on this list. Game of the Year is gonna end up being either Mass Effect 3, Gears of war 3, or Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. They're heavy hitters for a reason, and I don't think Arkham fits the bill.
  • ChildrenOfMen - April 28, 2011 10:38 p.m.

    holy **** i just realized how many good games this year will have
  • Dmt4030 - March 6, 2011 8:36 a.m.

    WINNER: Gears of Resistance 3: Modern Battlefield man that's a funny tittle when i see one
  • Deinsleaf - February 26, 2011 5:54 a.m.

    No love for Dragon Age 2?
  • idontcare444 - January 25, 2011 7:17 p.m.

    It's 2011, maybe we could drop the generic cheech & chong stoner stereotype. That said, I'm gonna play journey blazed out of my mind :P
  • lovinmyps3 - January 25, 2011 4:24 a.m.

    I agree, whatever should win GOTY. Oh Tyler Wilde, you crack me up!
  • Eliath - January 25, 2011 2:50 a.m.

    @g4m3rk1dd First, I don't really have any respect for you because of your name. While we might actually have very similar personalities and tastes and could be great friends, I have to go based on your handle since I have no other information about you. Second, what month is it? Third, what season is it? Fourth, add one year to the current date and see what you get. Fifth, if you were being sarcastic, then I apologize, but sarcasm doesn't translate well via text.
  • purple_omlet - January 24, 2011 11:35 p.m.

    We'll all see how dead space 2 will blow every other game out of the water tomorrow. CAN'T WAIT!
  • g4m3rk1dd - January 24, 2011 9:54 p.m.

    "@GhostLightning That hasn't even been confirmed for 2011. Just "Winter." Also, FF XIII SUX LOL." you work for these guys and you dont know the release was for "Next Winter"? this being winter now it is only logical to assume that it is going to be released THIS year... just because the game broke its sacred rule of being a PS only game doesnt mean you have to hate it...
  • Crimmy - January 24, 2011 5:48 a.m.

    @JohnnyMaverik Praise whatever higher beings there are someone agrees! Now we can play on Steam together and I can wish my mic wasn't broken.
  • grayguwapo - January 24, 2011 5:04 a.m.

    Can there be 2 GOTY's one each for UDD3 and Batman AC? Those two games really nailed almost everything a game can (and should) have... Great polished graphics and scenery... Awesome game play and controls... Great story and plot... Over-all, kick-ass!!! Hope GOTY versions of both come out this year (or next year) just as it did last time... GOTY editions of GOTY games are really something to have with all the +++'s Can't wait for these games to come out!!!
  • Fr00b - January 23, 2011 10:58 p.m.

    CAN I HAZ TWIZTED MEDAL?
  • Yeager1122 - January 23, 2011 10:53 p.m.

    I might have to rob a bank to pay for everything amazing thats coming out soon.
  • g4m3rk1dd - January 23, 2011 10:02 p.m.

    i gotta say i watched the trailer for Catherine and it actually looked like something id like to play for something other than any pervy reason you can think of... that said there are a few games that are missing on here that i never thought would be missing >.> (FF13-2, Bulletstorm)
  • EdDeRs1 - January 23, 2011 5:46 p.m.

    arkham city needs Judge Dredd to cross over from his universe like in the comics :)
  • Shinn - January 23, 2011 10:05 a.m.

    Isn't Dragon Age 2 a fantasy rpg?
  • TheKennedyCurse - January 23, 2011 6:59 a.m.

    Why is every single game journalist sucking Last Guardians cock when for all they know it could be a giant turd? Go on, someone justify they hype for me, using concrete details you actually know about it at this point. Ah, listen to those chirping crickets.
  • Zepaw - January 23, 2011 6:06 a.m.

    Articles like this are why I read GR daily. Everything until 11/11/11 is just something to pass the time. I was honed in on New Vegas all year and was not disappointed; the game was buggy but met and exceeded my hopes otherwise. 2011 is going to be a repeat all over until Skyrim comes out. Even though I will probably love ME3 about 10 times more than my improbably large love of Skyrim I don't have the same anticipation buzz.
  • Engage183 - January 23, 2011 3:03 a.m.

    ME3 isn't on this list guys on account if you see another article they did about games that are SUPPOSED to come out in 2011 but probably won't, ME3 was on that list. so thats why ME3 didn't get any awards guys, they would be contradicting themselves(PARADOX O_0) but anywho, i think ME3 will be pushed back too, with The Old Republic and Dragon Age all this year... then again, i thought ME3 wasn't gonna even get a teaser trailer until late this year; so, what do i know :/
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - January 23, 2011 12:51 a.m.

    I would hope Twisted Metal is better than Forza. I hate driving sims, in comparison to more fun driving games. Its not fun if you can't kill someone (intentionally, with rockets) CTR has always been a beast of a game.

Showing 1-20 of 53 comments

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