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The most sick, morally questionable Achievements and Trophies

In the context of a game, Achievements and Trophies are harmless. They're just carrot-dangling tactics that we're happy to indulge for our greedy pursuit of intangible virtual rewards. We wouldn't think twice about nail-bombing a kitten orphanage if it meant five more gamer points.

But, let's say, purely for the purposes of this here article, that we take Achievements and Trophies out of their virtual world settings and reconsider them in real-life situations. Suddenly they don't seem quite so innocent. In fact, some of them are sick, irresponsible, criminal, socially unacceptable and/or morally questionable. In games they give us a sense of smug, triumphant satisfaction. But if we did any of the following for real... well, we probably wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Afro Samurai
Let It Flow: Spill 2000 gallons of blood (15G)


Well done!
You simply don't care about all those people in desperate need of a blood transfusion.

Alarm for Cobra 11: Burning Wheels
Shopping Spree: Drive straight through a supermarket (10G)


Well done!
You've recklessly endangered the lives of shoppers and created a worthless stockpile of damaged packet goods, tinned foods, soft fruits and toiletries.

Alone in the Dark
Fisherman's Foe: Shoot a goldfish (10G/Bronze Trophy)


Well done!
You've dispatched a projectile from the barrel of a firearm and successfully targeted a harmless ornamental aquatic pet traditionally kept in a bowl of water by children whose parents refuse to buy them a proper animal companion.

Battlefield: Bad Company
Manic Lumberjack: Knock down a small forest (15G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! You've destroyed another of the planet's ever dwindling oxygen factories and completely buggered the local wildlife.

Blitz: The League II
Testikill: Ruptured 10 scrotums (20G/Silver Trophy)


Well done!
You've obliterated the baby-making equipment of 10 men. They will now have to undergo invasive exploratory scrotal surgery to have any hope of salvaging their nuts.

Bomberman Act Zero
1,000,000 Bombs: You have set 1,000,000 bombs (50G)


Well done!
You are a terrorist.

Bully: Scholarship Edition
Skidmark: Give 50 wedgies (25G)


Well done!
You've humiliated another human being, consequently eroding their self-esteem and causing them great emotional distress and rectal pain in the process.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
No Rest for the Weary: Stab an injured crawling enemy (10G)


Well done!
You've stuck a sharp combat knife into a defenceless man as he drags his already-wounded-ass through the dirt.

Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood
Arkansas Fried Rooster: Blow up 10 chickens with dynamite (10G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! You've harnessed the impressive explosive power of nitro-glycerine to exterminate a bunch of harmless, domesticated flightless birds.

Darkest of Days
Bomb Technician: Kill yourself with an explosive device (25G)


Well done!
You are a suicide bomber.

Def Jam Icon
Ladies Man: Have 4 satisfied girlfriends simultaneously (35G)


Well done!
You're a dirty cheating snake-in-the-grass that doesn't give a shit about other people just as long as you get a regular ride and look like the big man to all your mates.

Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
Fire Hazard: Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers (20G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! By annihilating these pressurised protection devices you've significantly lowered the chances of a small fire being doused before it rages into a people-melting inferno.

Fallout 3
Psychotic Prankster: Placed a grenade or mine while pick pocketing (10G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! You are shameless, scheming, scum-bag filth with an aversion to honesty and are reviled by all decent, hard-working folk. And you like to blow up your victims in the most cowardly way possible.

Hannah Montana: The Movie Game
Big Spender: Buy 100 articles of clothing (100G/Silver Trophy)


Well done!
You've become an obedient consumer of overpriced apparel stitched together in Third World sweat shops by impoverished four-year old children.

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48 comments

  • starhaw - October 10, 2009 9:53 p.m.

    HAHAHAHA WELL DONE! YOUR A TERRORIST XD nice, this was freakin hilarious XD Captcha: Ladybugs Donderry ??uhhh what???
  • oryandymackie - October 3, 2009 9:32 a.m.

    The Hannah Montana one was probably my favourite. "So, what, because I have a few stage outfits I'm a brainless CONSUMER?" "Oui".
  • jackemo - September 30, 2009 2:45 a.m.

    This is such a weak post. What's the point of acting like you feel so strongly about the messages they send when no doubt you've played most or all of these games and loved them? If you're so passionate about all this why aren't you complaining about the fact that these games glorify violence and crime. The creators of these games don't want you to picture the achievements in real life scenarios so get off their backs you tools.
  • thecakeisapie - September 28, 2009 11:43 p.m.

    dont forget "Menace to Society" from Fable II
  • silentmusic16 - September 28, 2009 8:25 p.m.

    im surprised that there wasnt a single dead space achievment on this. then again that woiuld be way to easy. I loved the scrotom one lol!
  • m1bayluv41510 - September 28, 2009 7:16 p.m.

    What about "goodnight sweet prince" from Far Cry 2, where you "ease the suffering of a friend"..by blowing his brains out! Thats still murder, no matter what kind of noble label is attempted to be applied..
  • Spybreak8 - September 27, 2009 5:55 a.m.

    Haha, that list is funny, I can just see the meetings with all the gamer staff saying oh what about this one!
  • Dalibor - September 26, 2009 8:31 p.m.

    Good list of trophies. The one that kinda baffled me recently was the trophy in RE5 where you have to throw a rotten egg at a majini, like how could an egg actually kill a majini?
  • pekpok - September 26, 2009 5:49 p.m.

    What about in the force Unleashed? Worst day Shift manager ever: Kill 5 clones as Darth Vader.
  • Matt Cundy - September 26, 2009 9:31 a.m.

    @Fable2boy This list could easily have been based purely on acts of animal cruelty, so I picked just the 'best' ones. And Overlord's kill 100 baby seals achievement trumped Fable II's rabbit shooting. Until someone actually comes up with a 'nail-bomb a kitten orphanage' achievement, I think the baby seal massacre wins the most sick.
  • Fable2boy - September 26, 2009 4:59 a.m.

    no fable 2? what about "the hunter" acheivement; kill a rabbbit lol :P surely killing a rabbit isnt socially acceptable?.....unless your in texas......:P
  • Awesomeforthemasses - September 26, 2009 2:51 a.m.

    Psychotic prankster was one of the first trophies I got in Fallout, I blew Tenpenny off his tower about ten times that way... good times.
  • XxMrHitDatHoexX - September 26, 2009 2:07 a.m.

    lol...i have 3 of those chievos... the stab the weary,i have spilld 200 gallons of blood and i have place a nade in a person while pickpocketing them
  • NanoElite666 - September 26, 2009 1:37 a.m.

    For a good suicide bomber one, replace the Darkest of Days one with the "Fragmartyr" trophy from Killzone 2. Because that one actually requires you to, you know, KILL other people whilst taking your own life with the mentioned explosive device.
  • Hobojedi - September 25, 2009 11:35 p.m.

    This made my day; make more :D
  • kiwimonster4 - September 25, 2009 9:39 p.m.

    lmfao, man that was funny GR
  • Unoriginal - September 25, 2009 10:06 a.m.

    Blowing up 10 chickens with dynamite. Overkill.
  • Patius - September 25, 2009 6:38 a.m.

    You guys should have done the achievement from Duke Nukem 3D, "Shake it baby." You know, the one where you walk up to a girl and press the "use" button to offer her cash to strip? That one?
  • Tazz57 - September 25, 2009 4 a.m.

    hahaha very funny
  • Cwf2008 - September 25, 2009 2:17 a.m.

    Wow this is easily among the funniest things i have ever read on this site. That one about blowing yourself up.."Congratulations, you are a suicide bomber!"...oh man that cracked me up

Showing 1-20 of 48 comments

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