Staggeringly inept attempt to scam Kickstarter is found out. Hilarious pitch needs to be seen to be believed

"What's that you say? You only need $80K to finish the RPG you're working on? And you say it will be up to the standard of World of WarCraft, only with the graphical fidelity of Skyrim? Ye gods, you talented lot, take my money now! I can afford it, because I'll have loads once that Nigerian prince comes through on his side of the deal. Take a few grand.

"I really, really am very impressed with your team, by the way. To quit your previous jobs at Activision-Blizzard  'in search of something better!' is an admirable mission, but to do so without any discernible ability to write sentences in correct spelling and grammar must have taken some bravery. 

"But still, I suppose that kind of forthright can-do attitude is what made you such valuable members of the WoW and Diablo II teams for so long. And might I say, your clear youthful energy is a large part of the reason I'm investing. Diablo II might have been 12 years ago, but in your pitch video your Creative Director doesn't look a day over 22. I suppose the special breed of boundless creativity you guys clearly possess keeps a person young. Unless of course your CEO is the kind of crazy child prodigy capable of making world-class dungeon crawlers at the age of 10. I wouldn't put it past you impressive bastards to have a guy like that on-team.

"After all, if you're producing, as you say, a game so good that GAMES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN with a team of only 12 people, and turning it around for summer 2013, you guys must be staggeringly talented. Your results so far are already damn impressive. Your concept art looks exactly like that of fantasy artist Gonzalo Ordoñez Arias. In fact it's so close to his standards that it could almost be his work. And some of your other stuff is so professional that it could positively have been lifted from a Photoshop tutorial!

"Good call on getting Disney and Pixar in to do your game's animation too. I'll admit, I was slightly thrown by the "early '00s kids' show" standard of the brief CG in your pitch video, but realising that it's probably simply a quick prototype you threw out in a lunchbreak as a rough guide for the men and women who brought us Wall-E allays my concerns.

"You're obviously impressing a lot of people across the whole gamut of creative digital industries. As you say, you have Disney/Pixar in your phonebook, and I see from the photos on your Facebook page that the good folks at Burton Design are letting you borrow their offices. Presumably your pitch video was put together before Burton let you move in, given the fact that it almost looks like it was filmed in someone's bedroom. But hey, no more of that sort of stuff for big stars like you from now on, right? 

"Maybe get the Disney boys to have a look at your next video though. The framing in your current one is all over the place. But never mind. You're probably too busy putting together this industry-changing new game of yours to worry about that sort of thing at the moment. I'm cool with that. Your priorities are sound.

"Right, now where do I click to give you my cash? I've just got to get me one of those posters. I love the way you've created a natty depth of field effect on them by having all of the layers of Photoshop at different levels of focus. That was what you were going for, wasn't it? Yeah, must be. No chance of crap Photoshop from such gifted artists as yourselves.

"Oh, the donation link seems to have been locked off. Your Kickstarter seems to have been cancelled. What's going on guys? Do you not need my money any more? Have you already finished the game on your own? Guys? Guys?"


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  • J-Fid - May 1, 2012 6:15 p.m.

    "...with a team of only 12 people, and turning it around for summer 2013, you guys must be staggeringly talented." Well, Pokemon Red and Green were made with a team of only 9 people. Although, it did take them 6 years to make those games.
  • jmcgrotty - May 2, 2012 12:17 a.m.

    Don't get me wrong, this story is bullcrap (well, it's about a bullcrap cash grab), but... You can't compare the development of Pokemon with a real game. Agame that, you know, has any legit depth and playabiliy to it. The real question is how worthless do you have to be to have 9 (I'm assuming) experienced industry folks take 6 years to make Pokemon Red and Green? Even a year would be embarrassing.
  • ThatGamerDude - May 1, 2012 5:29 p.m.

    There is a limit on how much you can troll before your ass gets caught and put into the brink with the other dwarves... This guy (or guys) apparently were clueless of this and will now suffer the wrath of the High Order!
  • Redeater - May 1, 2012 1:21 p.m.

    Kickstarter programs are not inherently bad but people have to realize that wherever there is money to be made there will always be con artists right around the corner. It's called research. If you don't have 5 minutes to do some simple fact checking but you have hundreds or thousands of dollars to blow you deserve to get fleeced. I would seriously love it if Peter Molyneux started a kickstarter. He would talk about how it was going to be super revolutionary and change the gaming world. Then after he creates a sub par game with a third of the cost he pockets the rest as "expenses". Now THAT'S cynicism.
  • oldschoolgamer - May 1, 2012 3:07 p.m.

    Is it the In thing these days to bust on peter molyneux? Please come back and talk after you made 5-6 incredible games that did broke the mold and changed the gaming world for the better. (populous, theme park, dungeon keeper, black and white, the movies, all games unlike any from a time before, and while not for everyone, they are all pretty great games in their own right. Cause if everyone that bashed this guy saying his games suck could do something better and did, I would be one happy gamer..
  • Redeater - May 1, 2012 3:20 p.m.

    What is your point? Do you love Mel Gibson as well? Remember how Mel Gibson was the world's sexiest man was responsible for directing one of the greatest movies ever made? Just because people have some achievements in the past does not excuse present behavior. It's like saying George Romero's Survival of the dead is brilliant because he pioneered the zombie genre. Fable 1 was a let down for most people. Fable 2 was actually decent but Fable 3 could not have been more formulaic and bland. I get what you are trying to say but this man has admitted to outright lying in interviews in order to "perk up reporters who were looking bored". Call me when he creates something half as close to what he actually proposes when talking about what he is developing. Or at the very least let me know when he "breaks the mold" again because he hasn't done it in almost a decade.
  • Redeater - May 1, 2012 3:49 p.m.

    You will have to forgive the run-on sentences. I'm playing the Witcher 2 while typing. A game that shames anything Molyneux has done in years.
  • ParagonT - May 1, 2012 12:06 p.m.

    Risks you take when donating. This is why I find Kick-starters good in limited use.
  • BladedFalcon - May 1, 2012 12:06 p.m.

    And the good idea that initially was a kick-starter has quickly been corrupted and used to try and scam people. No wonder I'm such a fucking cynic.
  • Person5 - May 1, 2012 11:08 a.m.

    sad thing is, there was one guy who donated over $2500 to this, fools and their money
  • manuel-saez - May 1, 2012 10:10 a.m.

    And this is why most of us can't have nice things, because of the few that do shit like this. What a bunch of tools and/or douches!
  • ncurry2 - May 1, 2012 10:09 a.m.

  • k1DBLITZ - May 1, 2012 10:01 a.m.

    I hope kickstarter prosecutes that guy.
  • ObliqueZombie - May 1, 2012 9:55 a.m.

    Hahahah, great article setup Mr. Houghton. It was a very clever take to treat it like the viewpoint of a talking person. This sham is... well, it's pathetic. I hope that bloke(s) go right the jail for this. This is one video game mishap I'll throw under the rug.
  • NanoElite666 - May 1, 2012 9:43 a.m.

    "3D Environments? 3D Gameplay?" Are we in the 90's again or something?
  • noneedlesjustshots - May 2, 2012 5:14 a.m.

    Don't forget the epic music being played over shots of regular doors and hallways.
  • NanoElite666 - May 2, 2012 9:29 a.m.

    But of course! They must have had some mighty big plans for those doors and hallways. The doors and hallways to end all doors and hallways in gaming now and forever I'll bet.
  • jackthemenace - May 1, 2012 9:38 a.m.

    HA. This is why i hate humans. It makes me so glad I'm actually just a hyper-intelligent dolphin.
  • sean-johnstone - May 1, 2012 10:01 a.m.

    I feel you bro
  • J-Fid - May 1, 2012 6:11 p.m.

    Wow, you are so lucky!

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