Soulcalibur V: Ivy announced, with cop-out excuse for lack of middle-aged boob-sag

There's nothing worse than someone who doesn't have the courage of their convictions. If you're going to commit to an idea, commit and follow through with it properly. Otherwise you're just going to look a bit weasely. Take Soulcalibur V for instance. The whole set-seventeen-years-later-massive-roster-shake-up-fresh-new-faces-vs-old-practiced-masters scenario sounded pretty exciting a few weeks ago, but I now suspect I can hear the suspicious clicky whirr of frantic back-pedalling coming from Namco Bandai's direction.

Because what are you supposed to do when your franchise's publicity hangs almost entirely on the increasingly embarrasssing assets of a ludicrously designed caricature of female sexuality? Actually have the balls to push her into middle-age when your new plot-line dictates that you have to?

Nah. Nah, you don't do that at all...

Announced in a recent post by SCV Producer Hisaharu Tago on the PlayStation US blog, the now-49-years-old Ivy is going to look exactly the goddamn same as she did in Soulcalibur IV, coming complete with her traditional spine-breaking mammaries and outfit made of naught but a couple of belts and a lot of hope. The reason? She stopped aging at 32. Oh right. That clears that one up then. As long as it's nothing to do with not wanting to give up on the adolescent fap-value of your series poster-girl despite your franchise's new direction then.

As for the brand new characters, we have two. Natsu is a 17-year-old ninja trained by series regular Taki, who is nippy, acrobatic, uses short twin blades and wears a skin-tight red outfit, but whome Tago-san is at pains to point out IS NOT A CHEAP REPLACEMENT FOR TAKI despite all of those rampaging similarities. He says that "After you use Natsu, you can discard any prejudice you may have that she is simply a replacement for Taki". We shall wait and see then.

Above: Not Taki

The other newbie is a chap by the name of Z.W.E.I. He's of your typical "mysterious, slightly sinister bloke with a lot of details listed as unknowm in his character profile" stock of fighting game characters, and he looks a lot like Dante from Devil May Cry. Apparently though, despite carrying a short sword, this is not his main method of attack. Instead, "His inclusion is making SoulCalibur’s “Weapon-based Fighting Game” style step into all-new territory". This bit at least is exciting, and re-kindles my hope for Soulcalibur V's promise to really shake things up.

Above: Not Dante

Faster gameplay, faster evades, more graceful animation, and of course those new Street Fighter-style Ultra moves all bode well. Let's just hope the new roster as a whole is as refreshing when it's all announced.

July 25, 2011


  • Siion - July 26, 2011 10:44 p.m.

    Taki was one of my favorite characters =(. Did they really need to replace Taki with a stupider looking 17 year old girl? I can agree the game needs a fresh start on things but did they really need to get rid of the characters that we actually like instead of just adding new ones on a bigger scale? *Sigh* Guess i will hold off to see what else they got. Really really unimpressed with the new character designs though.
  • MattK - July 26, 2011 3:50 a.m.

    @EnigmaSpirit I think the general consensus is that since she's a by product of a Soul Edge possessed Cervantes (who stopped aging, if I remember correctly), that puts a supernatural excuse for her. I've always liked Ivy's fighting style, so I can't say I'm particularly miffed about her coming back, but considering "Not Taki," they could have made a "Not Ivy" as well. Oh well.
  • MyCoolWhiteLies - July 26, 2011 2:44 a.m.

    Eh, I haven't like the Soul Calibur designs since the first Soul Calibur (and even then, the original Soul Blade/Edge characters were the best). These new characters and designs just aren't doing it for me. The fact that so many older characters won't even be present doesn't make me as interested either. The sad part is that I think that jumping the timeline ahead could have been really cool. Too bad they wuss out on the "Hot Female" character, just like they did with the Williams sisters when Tekken had a similar jump (they were put in stasis and didn't age). Ah well, now I'll just wait and see how awful they make Voldo now.
  • SketchLemon - July 26, 2011 1:23 a.m.

    Not Dante doesn't really look like Dante to me either. He DOES look like, if you'll excuse a fairly obscure reference, Mitsunari Ishida from Samurai Heroes. Srsly though. Google it or something.
  • onetimebuster - July 25, 2011 9:18 p.m.

    Its funny she stops aging but keeps growing.
  • Redeater - July 25, 2011 9 p.m.

    I'm confused. Is that picture showing how Ivy looks now? If so they have toned it down considerably. I was expecting the DOA beach volleyball venus outfit for the next one.
  • yagirlfriendsfavoriterapper - July 25, 2011 7:57 p.m.

    Captcha sux!
  • codystovall - July 25, 2011 7:25 p.m.

    They cant sag because theres no gravity in videogames....only code. Respect the code......and great boobs.
  • nemesisuprising - July 25, 2011 5:32 p.m.

    @kyo yeah I dont see at all lmfao...but dante WOULD make a sweet guest character
  • SanctusScorpius - July 25, 2011 5:01 p.m.

    @JetpackJesus "although, guaranteed she has an alternate costume that will be even smaller than said SC4 outfit." Actually, all of Ivy's 2P outfits have been more modest than her 1P outfit in all the SC games. So if anything, her alternate is likely to be even more conservative. Here's hoping they use that unused 'long-haired Ivy' concept from IV.
  • SanctusScorpius - July 25, 2011 4:58 p.m.

    Namco has a better looking Dante than Capcom does. Let that sink in for a moment. We've known since E3 that Ivy has stopped aging. Disappointing that Namco is pulling a Nina/Anna again, but not surprising. Also, Taki has been confirmed to be 'in the game'. Though whether that means she's still playable, as a main or bonus character, or will just appear in the cutscenes is unknown.
  • JetpackJesus - July 25, 2011 4:54 p.m.

    I'm glad she stopped aging, because I'm a desperate loser. And no Taki? This newer, smaller-chested girl does not appeal to me. I expect by now, though, Talim and Amy will have huge racks. Ivy's new costume is also suprisingly modest, comparing it to her SC4 outfits, although, guaranteed she has an alternate costume that will be even smaller than said SC4 outfit. I wonder how big Astaroths breasts will be? Also, all of the new characters shown so far all look like they were created using SC4's character creator - AKA, they all look shit. Seriously. Last dude doesn't remind me of Dante, though.
  • jackthemenace - July 25, 2011 4:32 p.m.

    Just the words "Not Dante" made me very sad... D:
  • avantguardian - July 25, 2011 4:17 p.m.

    @gahmah: you speak the truth.... @clovin64: losing taki takes this game down at least a few notches for me as well. and as far as z.w.e.i. is concerned, i'm not seeing dante at all, but i am seeing plenty of stupid.
  • Robx - July 25, 2011 4:04 p.m.

    just hope that for this Soul Calibur we get more unique clothing for the character creator and not mix between 70% selection of clothes worn by the main rooster... tbh these two new characters look like something that could have been done in the character creator.
  • fullmetallegend - July 25, 2011 3:33 p.m.

    The two new characters look extra ridiculous. Here's to hoping that we can customize their appearance, like in IV...
  • rabidpotatochip - July 25, 2011 2:28 p.m.

    @Kyo - He looks like new Dante to me. As for Ivy not aging, it's a proven fact that all women stop aging around 30, some even sooner, just ask any of them!
  • Kyo - July 25, 2011 2:12 p.m.

    I have to be honest.. I have never, not before I read this, and not after, looked at Z.W.E.I. and thought "Dante"... not.. once. I just don't see it, is it only me? or are you being a little too, for lack of a better word, strict.. or something? lol
  • Clovin64 - July 25, 2011 1:27 p.m.

    I never saw the appeal of Ivy. Her white hair and plummy accent kept remindng me of an old lady. An old lady was freakin' ludicrously sized boobs. Also, no Taki? No sale.
  • EnigmaSpirit - July 25, 2011 1:21 p.m.

    Do they at least give some sort of story to explain why Ivy stops aging, or is it just going to be a short couple sentence explanation that they pull out of their ass for the game?

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